Well... I'm busted this time

by 24k 18 Replies latest jw friends

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  24k

  I think I may have just precipitated my exit from the Watchtower a little sooner than I expected. I was really looking forward to attending Easter services at a local church today, and so made arrangements to ride with a friend of mine and his wife. My friend is a recently disfellowshiped former fellow elder. My wife's parents (both devout JW's, the father is an elder) were coming to pick her up for the meeting this morning to help with our two little ones. They usually arrive around 10 minutes to 9:00 or there abouts, so I had my friend come to pick me up around 8:30. Of course, my inlaws were earlier, and saw me, bible in hand and dressed in my Sunday best, get in the car to go to church. Needless to say, it was a very awkward moment. My family and inlaws have known about my feelings regarding the Watchtower for quite some time, but I don't see how my father-in-law will be able to overlook this one. I'm certain he will feel compelled to inform the rest of the body about what happened this morning.

  I feel really bad for my wife, as this whole disagreement with the Watchtower, stepping down as an elder, and not attending meetings has been very difficult for her to deal with already. Now add the social strain of no more family gatherings, vacations, or dinners, and it becomes rather overwhelming to bear. Our spiritual life, which was always a big part of our relationship, is almost nonexistent, save for the more and more infrequent fights over doctrines and JW teachings. Take away the social contact with our family, and what's left? I love my wife more than anything, and this constant anguish and uncertainty about the future is a crushing weight. I wish those who want to claim that the Watchtower is nothing more than another misguided religion, harmless and benign, would consider the overwhelming damage it does to families like mine. All because I can no longer adhere to their sectarian dogma.

  This is the most discouraged I have felt in a long time. Sory if this post is a little disjointed. I can provide details later.
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  stopthepain

  sorry to hear this 24K.

  People build families around a flawed belief system,and it's always just a matter of time until it crumbles.It's ashame you can't just go to worship were you want,without having to worry about being "ratted out" by some holier than thou ignorant JW.I hope everything shakes out OK for you .

  good luck STP
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  coffee_black

  ((((24k))) You and your family are in my prayers.

  Coffee
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  Flash

  Hello 24k and welcome!

  I love my wife more than anything, and this constant anguish and uncertainty about the future is a crushing weight.

  Since this is the case. I would 'Play the game.' Yes, they'll be a JC on this, so be repentent, take your lumps and be 'good boy' for awhile (for her sake) then fade again. And since your love for her is this deep...stay away from those who are DF'd and other religions. My opinion. I wish you well.
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  Poztate

  Of course, my inlaws were earlier, and saw me, bible in hand and dressed in my Sunday best, get in the car to go to church. Needless to say, it was a very awkward moment.

  They may assume you were going to church but unless they followed you to the church door they do not know for sure that you went to church. I would NEVER admit anything to an elder if they started to question me on a matter like this.They have to prove things based on facts,not assumptions. The borg does have a way of ripping families apart. You can sure see the love.
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  jeanniebeanz

  24K,

  So sorry you are going through this. Personally, I don't know how you can get out of this one gracefully. It really depends on what exactly the inlaws saw, and what you are willing to do.

  If they put the pieces together, and recognized the df'd couple picking you up, yeah, you are busted and have some explaining to do if you do not want to be df'd yourself. If a JC is convened, I'd be very careful what I said and admit nothing!! They may have seen you in company with a df'd person, but they did not see you go into a Church. If it comes to a df'ing, maybe it is not the worst thing. You are more than a witness in your own house, you are the husband and father. Your beliefs are secondary to your position in the home and your wife shoud be reminded so!

  I would not argue anymore about doctrine or WT beliefs and just concentrate on being a good husband like you have always been. If your wife loves you as much as you love her, and because you have two small children, she'd be foolish to leave you even if you were disfellowshipped. If you do not want to live a lie any longer, who is she to force you to do so? She may be your wife, but she should respect your own walk with God just as you have respected hers. Her birth family is important but keeping her marriage together is more important. I hope she sees that and does not continue to choose her birth family over her own husband and children.

  But, if she only loves you not because of the wonderful husband and father you are, and only because you were a witness, your love for her may be a bit onesided. That is a very painful lesson that I learned the hard way.

  Wishing you the best,

  Jeannie
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  Dustin

  24K, I wish you nothing but the best. It's a tough situation that you are in. I wish I had many words of wisdom for you, but I feel that you seem to have much more life experience than myself. I did agree with Jeannie's advice though. It was very level headed. Just remember that the JW's do not own you. They always want to control you. But life goes on. Hopefully your wife loves you and trusts you, and will see the wise choice you are making by leaving this false religion behind. Good luck.

  Dustin
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  24k

  Thanks for the quick responses everyone.

  Since this is the case. I would 'Play the game.' Yes, they'll be a JC on this, so be repentent, take your lumps and be 'good boy' for awhile (for her sake) then fade again. And since your love for her is this deep...stay away from those who are DF'd and other religions.

  The cost to "play the game" is far to high. It is a relinquishing of all that makes you an individual. Think of what you are asking me to do Flash. Your saying that I should meet with a judicail commitee whoes authority I do not recognize. That I should lie to said committee and pretend to have feelings of remorse for sins I have not committed. All "for the sake" of showing my wife that I am willing to be dishonest to avoid the consequences of my sincerely held beliefs. This, of course, would call into question those beliefs. Than "fade again", constantly in fear of someone else catching me attending church, or associating with dear friends who are no longer JW's. And let's not forget curtailing association with anyone not a JW.
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  franklin J

  hang in there, 24K

  Hang in there for your wife and especially your kids.

  I know haow you feel. I gave up long ago making excuses for my religious beliefs long ago. We DO LIVE IN A FREE COUNTRY. I attend a Catholic service with my wife and family; not so much because I believe it but for family unity. The influence on my children is very minimal compared to any JW influence they might have had. If you are searching for a faith, good luck to you.

  IF it is a hot topic for your wife; wait a while to discuss it. Forget your inlaws; you do not owe them ANY explanations. If they push the subject; simply tell them ; politely and diplomatically for your kids sake ( this is their grandparents, and despite how you may feel, I am sure the kids are crazy about them) that you will not have this discussion with them. END OF CONVERSATION.

  Your wife will come around; she has to .

  hang in there, Frank

  goo
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  BrendaCloutier

  ((( 24K )))

  I'm sorry for the dischord in your family because of JW-ism. Unfortunately this is one of their biggest contol mechanisms, and it works big-time. When one does choose a different path, it is very painful due to loss of family and social structure.

  You will find your way. Your wife will either follow, or not. If she does follow, at least you have the other ex-elder family to help. That is more than many have had.

  Hugs and love to you and your family.

  Brenda