questions about a non-JW marrying a JW

magpie

Hello everybody! I was wondering if any of you could answer a question for me? My cousin just got engaged. He (like the rest of our family) was raised in the Lutheran church, though he doesn't really go very often anymore. His fiancee is a JW. Now I've always understood that a JW marrying a non-JW is a big no no, and that it's something that she wouldn't be allowed to do. When we asked my cousin about this, he said that they had discussed this, and that she had told him that JW's believe that when a woman marries outside of her religion, that she has to take the beliefs of her husband, since he is the head of the household. This sort of threw me for a loop. It contradicts everything I've ever heard or read, and I'm puzzled. Can anyone shed some light on this? Thanks to anyone who can help this poor, confused blonde, lol.

Sparkplug

Hello Magpie. That is very odd. It sounds like your gal does not want to be a JW anymore and if it is truly love and you all want the best for her...you will provide support in ways you may not even have thought about. She will need you right now.

Read some post around here and you will get the idea of what she may be going through.

Welcome

Dragonlady76

JW's believe that when a woman marries outside of her religion, that she has to take the beliefs of her husband, since he is the head of the household.

Magpie,

This is not true. JW's are discouraged from marrying outside of the organazation. If a woman marries a non-JW she is still subject to his headship but does not stop being a JW. She will be encouraged to "convert" him. If the husband rejects her beliefs and attempts to interfere with her religious veiws, she can consult with the elders of her congregation and seek a divorce on "spiritual endangerment" grounds.

Dragonlady76

magpie

Thank you for the welcome. :) (And thanks for all of your thoughts.) Dragonlady 76, that's exactly what I was thinking. It just didn't ring true to what I understood about Jehovah's Witnesses, and I was kind of puzzled. I was actually kind of thinking along the lines of what Sparkplug said. From what I understood at first, Angela-my cousin's fiancee- has a very pushy and overbearing mother. She goes to Angela's apartment when she's at work and roots through her stuff. She goes through her mail. She was trying to get Angela's cousin to move in as Angela's roommate - and we all get the idea that it was so she could have a "spy" to watch Angela's every move. From a comment I overheard, she even hounds her about going to going to church (or whatever the proper term is for JW's). So, for a while, I kind of got the idea that Angela wasn't too gung-ho on her mother or being a JW, but I don't have any really solid proof of that. Angela's father seems a lot more easy-going. He was giving my cousin Steve tips on how to deal with his wife (Angela's mother) when she got in her moods. Angela's brother was giving Steve advice on fixing his car. The men in the family seem nice enough, but I can't help but wonder if they're just trying to butter him up to convert him. (Good luck to them, Steve's more stubborn than any mule I've ever met, lol. I can tell them right now that that won't work.) I also understand that they've discussed having kids and decided that they'd expose them to both views when they're old enough and let them decide. (I can't see how that would possibly work, but . . . ) I just don't understand the situation. Nothing about it seems to mesh with anything I've ever heard. :(

tijkmo

couple of points to consider...beyond what has been said...

1..she would not be allowed to get a divorce on the grounds of spiritual endangerment...she could only separate and would not be free to remarry...unless of course her abandonment of her husband forced him to commit adultery (believe me this has been tried)

2..is she baptised..because marrying a non-jw is not a df-ing action...but joining another church is..or even marrying in a church and she wont be allowed to get married in a kingdom hall (jw church)..if she is not baptised then they cant do nothing officially although plenty in the cong will shun her anyway

3..if she believes that she has to follow her 'heads' religion then there will be no fight over what church the kids go to

The Leological One

...he said that they had discussed this, and that she had told him that JW's believe that when a woman marries outside of her religion, that she has to take the beliefs of her husband, since he is the head of the household. This sort of threw me for a loop. It contradicts everything I've ever heard or read, and I'm puzzled. Can anyone shed some light on this?

Hi Magpie,

I think I saw where someone else was saying this isn't true just as the page was disappearing after clicking on "reply," but I wanted to share that I have never been a JW but married one (who got DF'd for hooking up with me before getting married), and from what I understood by my short talk with an elder and from her, herself, is that the wife IS subject to the husband, but that doesn't mean she is subject to the husband's beliefs/religion -- only his decision-making in at least most areas.

I've also read where some marriages have gone really, really sour because of the religious differences where the WT pulls the wife away from the husband, demanding it (the WT) coming first before the marriage. THANK GOD my wife has been at least a little open to hearing my views and finally felt so down and out as a result of being DF'd that she went ahead and started looking at some info; first this forum, and then a page full of quotes of "prophecies," and looking at the link Garybuss provided to the book "Millions Now Living Will Never Die." I can say I'll respect her beliefs, whatever they are, and am just very glad she's been willing to look into whether the WT is the Truth after all or just another denomination of sorts that surely has proven it is not the Truth it claims to be.

I feel people should have the freedom to seek the truth if they start feeling that what they're hearing may not be fully it, and it's a tragedy that so many people are forced into accepting whatever words come from some small group of imperfect people somewhere as if it was God speaking, Himself.

The Leological One

Oh; and I forgot something important:

If I were in that situation, I'd change the lock(s) so that nobody but the couple themselves have access to the apartment... that is, assuming the apartment doesn't belong to the mother or if the daughter is underage or something I'm not thinking of.

Alisha

I am married to an ex JW. He left the religion formally about 6 months ago, but was not active for several years prior to this. When he officially left (submitted his letter), his family disassociated from him, and that was something that hurt him. His father is an Elder in the organization, and he was baptized at 15 years old. I would suggest checking out this website for in depth information:

http://members.aol.com/beyondjw/bj.htm

I found it very helpful when I first went to check out the JW religion and beliefs. From there, I found lots of information about the history, the governing body, the beliefs, and it offered great insight to my husband's background and his family's actions. Although I strongly oppose their actions, it helped me to see WHY they took those actions. This religion, cult, culture, belief system or whatever you want to call the JW life is far more complex that I gave them credit for initially. You can't go solely by what you've heard from "worldly" people. Most of them (me being one of them) don't know the true complex natures of it. And having been with my husband all this time, it's frankly unbelieveable the actions and beliefs they have. It is very much an "us versus them" attitude. Be sure that before they marry, he is willing to make an effort to fully understand their religious system, family etc. The hardships placed on some of our past because of his family, disfellowship-ment, disassciation from his family and etc. have made some times of our life very hard. It takes some serious love, understanding and commitment to make it through those times.

Anyway, this website really was my first stepping stone to finding out a world of information. I wish them the best of luck (a bad word in JW) and sincerest wishes for success in the relationship.

Alisha

anuva

troubling waters...

what you say " Now I've always understood that a JW marrying a non-JW is a big no no, and that it's something that she wouldn't be allowed to do"

is exactly RIGHT....she might me there on the Mission to make her husband oone of her own GOD"S people.....A best test will be to Activate that lady to Other churches and participate actively in there,That will tell the Reality, i feel JW can fake a lot, but they cannot fake to that extent that they have to love other chruches and cross of christ, that will teel you a lot about truth spoken by lady .

love ,

anuva

love11

The only thing I could think of was that she must not be that into IT, if you know what I mean. It sounds like he is her escape from the witnesses and her mother!

If it doesn't look like she'll ever leave this religion, than maybe she is just rebelling from her mom by dating him. But if she's serious about her love for him, than she needs to be prepared to lose alot of her JW friends over it and quite probably, all of her family. I wish them and your whole family the best in this touchy situation.

questions about a non-JW marrying a JW

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