Question for other Parents....

by rwagoner 30 Replies latest social family

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  rwagoner

  Howdy all....

  I have a 6 yo son who is in the first grade. He was born 10 weeks preemie, was an only child up until about 6 months ago and spends a lot of time with adults - especially me...his goofy but loving dad.

  He gets along great with grown ups but has little interest in what other kids his age like. He has friends at school his age but many of the kids do think he is a little wierd. He likes star wars, lord of the rings, knights of old, ninja turtles....but also likes cars and trucks, tom & jerry and loves to read.

  Being a preemie I think there may be a little ADD/ADHD leanings. If he is interested in something he can be glued to it but if he is not interested...forget it. He is a sweet, sensitive kid, very talkative and fairly bright without meaning to sound like a bragging parent.

  The question/problem I have is this...we live in a very good but very PC - touchy feeling school district that tests kids every time you turn around for any number of issues. They are concerned that he has so little in common with the other kids (I was just like him at his age) and even labeled his behavior innappropriate because he would rather spend his time with adults. They admit that with adults he carries on intelligent, appropriate conversations but either finds the kids boring or they find him "strange".

  This last week they sent a note home because he wore a ninja turtle shirt to school and they thought it showed "agressive tendencies" and alluded that since he is withdrawn from kids his age that this might be a problem later.

  Am I nuts ? I see a good 6 year old kid who likes the ninja turtles. Walk into walmart or somewhere and the shirts all have super heros or tanks or dragons or something like that on them. We are very careful to screen his entertainment and toys...he doesn't play with guns or the like. He is about as violent or agressive as a dust mop. He does enjoy fantasy stuff...star wars, harry potter, ninja turtles but I thought it showed a good imagination....and he knows it is not "Real".

  Am I being too laid back about this ? I dont want to overlook a potential problem but I just dont see it. I see a bunch of politically correct psycho babble that looks like it could label my good kid as a potential problem child later in school.

  Help me out PLEASE....its making me crazy because I want my kid to act appropriately but think this is being blown WAY out of proportion....am I missing something because its MY kid ?

  frustrated....
• 

  AlmostAtheist

  It sounds like we have the same kid. Zach is exactly like what you've described. We don't see him as having any specific problem, but we do try to get him to engage with other kids in whatever they want to do. He's not selfish, he's actually very sharing. But at the same time he tries to turn every play time activity in the direction he wants it to go -- even suggesting new rules on the fly when other kids would rather stick to the game.

  Sorry, no great advice. But at least you're not alone. PM anytime to compare notes.

  Dave
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  Wild_Thing

  First of all, I am not a parent, but I am a teacher. It is hard to say without actually knowing your kid, but I will say that it seems a lot of times labels are put on kids too quickly when they are simply just being a kid.

  I would definitely listen to what they have to say about what they are seeing in your son at school, but I would think twice before letting them label him as anything, unless it (1) interfers with his learning or (2) interfers with the learning of others. If it doesn't, then they cannot say anything other maybe he's a little odd!

  I have worked with a lot of kids, and I can tell you that some kids are just *weird*! They are still normal kids though when it comes to most things. Honestly, this may blow your head up even bigger about your son, but a lot of the behaviors you described (being glued to things he is interested in, obsessed with certain topics, adult talk, etc.) are indicative of gifted kids, and some gifted kids can be a little "strange"! (But in a good way!)
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  Mamacat

  Your son sounds mature for his age to me, and there's nothing wrong with that! It seems everyone wants to label everyone with a disorder anymore.
  
  I have an 8 year old son who loves TMNT, and my 10 year old loves Harry Potter. When the first HP movie came out, all his friends were talking about it, and he must have been in the first grade then. Your son sounds well rounded to me.
  
  I taught my sons to make friends/conversation by saying "What's your name? My name is ...." Then, "I really like your (bookbag, t-shirt)" LOL It sounds lame, but it worked. My sons would then speak to kids who had on a character or something they liked, and they had things in common..which is important in becoming friends. Maybe he just needs a little help with what to talk to the other kids about. We used to "rehearse" how to start a conversation.
  
  My youngest son is 3, and he is way into the Robots now, and other kids his age don't seem amused when he starts talking like a robot. Personally, I think it's cute, but they give him the "you're weird" look lol But, he also likes trains and firetrucks and race cars...things most of them like. Once they change the game they are playing to something like trains, he goes out of Robot mode and into whatever they are doing.
  
  Part of being friends is accepting each other differences and similarities, and in the future, those other kids will overlook that he likes something they don't like.
  Maybe you could help him find other kids that like some of the same things he does, though.
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  rwagoner

  Dave,

  Thanks for the moral support. We try to get Alex involved too...he loves watching hockey but has NO interest in playing LOL...he's like to take karate lessons but now his mother is worried that it will add to the "impression" of his being aggresive....aaauugghhh. LOL

  wild_thing,

  Thanks to you too...nice to hear from a teacher's prospective. I have a meeting set to talk to the school testing folks...and I will listen. I can tell you that people thought I was a wierd kid and I'll admit that Alex can be just like me but he is certainly not violent.
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  rwagoner

  Mamacat,

  Thanks for the suggestion, I'll try the role playing ! When my wife was expecting we were atthe hospital a lot waiting for appointments. He would play his gameboy or read and when he saw other kids doing the same he had no problem going over and talking to them. It seems to be the kids at school that he has the most problems with. During recess they want to play games or house or something and he just isn't interested so he plays by himself. The teachers see this and tell us that he is isolated and a loner....but with his friends or relatives his age he plays and converses fine. He is very verbal and social, sometimes overly so LOL.

  As I said I just don't want to trivialize this if it really is an issue....and I'm sure I'm feeling a little guilty since I spend a great deal of time with him because of my flexible work schedule and he is turning out just like me....something that while not terrible...is still not something I planned on happening. So if he is wierd...it is most deffinitely my fault. LOL
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  Mamacat

  The role playing really helped my oldest son, who used to shy away from talking to most kids. He's worn glasses since he was 2. Even with adults, it was the first thing they always mentioned when talking to him, and then my son began thinking of himself as "the kid with glasses". We rehearsed things he would say if someone made fun of them, and it worked for him. He was going through a phase where he didn't want to wear them to school, and I discovered it was because of teasing. He would say something like "Well I do like them, because they help me see better," and then try to talk about something else to get the focus off his glasses.
  
  Actually, when Harry Potter came out, other kids would tell him he looked just like him, except with blond hair. Since the kids liked Harry Potter, they didn't think of glasses as being so weird anymore.
  
  Good luck with your son. Maybe there is something he is being teased about and that's why he shies away from the kids at school? Or maybe the teacher treats him differently? I ask my boys about different kids in their class and try to gauge their observations of them. You will be able to tell who is being mean or teasing them by the answers.
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  Qcmbr

  Hi , From what you've said there is nothing 'wrong' with your son. The best thing you can do for him you are already doing - you are spending time with him and allowing him to be a part of your adult life. The thing of most value to almost everyone is the understanding that they are valued, respected and recognised as an individual. It takes all sorts to make the world go round and not associating with your peer group at age 6 isn't really a warning sign of disaster. I grew up in a similar environment where I was part of a very active social set up with adults - I went everywhere with my Mum at age 4 - 9 (single parent) and I naturally felt more comfortable with adults. I never made close relationships at school but I never suffered for it - I was comfortable with who I was because my peer group where adults and they accepted me totally (in fact without all the teasing and c**p kids give out).
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  rwagoner

  Actually Mamacat....

  As a result of being a preemie (10 weeks early - only 2 lbs, 14 oz at birth) he went from being a VERY verbal toddler to developing a stutter whe nhe entered pre-school. He had a year of speech therapy and when he started 1st grade this year it was nearly totally gone. There is still a pause now and then when he is tired but he is fluent.

  During the brief period of stuttering he did get very frustrated. He knew what he wanted to say and how to say it but he just couldn't get his brain and mouth to interact. He would pound his hands on the floor or desk in frustration when he couldn't get things out. Even though he is now fluent I think he still may hold some of that frustration or embarassment of his past problems inside and that may hold him back when he meets new kids or when kids think he is wierd.

  He is now very verbal again especially with adults but adults are more accepting and understanding than kids can be so he may have a greater comfort level with them. I'm not a psychologist or anything but these are my feelings and observations. We talk about everything, we're buddies and I do try to feel him out when I sense that he's feeling upset.

  He's a great kid and I have every faith that he'll turn out okay, I just dont want the school to put labels on him that may effect him later and as I mentioned before, I dont want to trivialize a real potential problem if it exists.

  Thanks for your help again everyone....the comments help as does having an uninvolved person to talk with about it.
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  jeanniebeanz

  He just sounds like a normal, bright boy. Schools are a little quick on the panic button these days. If they keep up the 'he's got a problem' baloney, I'd meet with them and set them straight. The last thing your little guy needs right now is to have a bunch of adults peg him as an issue just because he doesn't fit into one of their narrow little boxes.

  Been there, and is can get out of hand.

  Jeannie