This is for the watchtower guys at Bethel who are assigned to read this website. First of all, how ya do'n? I hope you can read this despite your hangover. We know how much we have helped make new rules in the cult lately so in new light of that, I just want to help a little. I know this new light isn't inspired by god and stuff, but neither is the rest of your new light bullshit so don't sweat it.
I would like to make a suggestion for a topic for an up coming service meeting and help you out in keeping the cult clean and avoid rehashing some of the old boring shit you have been giving talks on lately. There are a few people on this site who still go to the meetings and report the FDS's guidance back to all of us. Unlike you I'm sure, we appreciate their sacrifice. Personally I would pound a railroad spike through my temporal lobe and puke yellow baby poop if I ever set foot in a kingdom hall again. I have too weak of a stomach and too low tolerance for ignorance and stupidity to make the same sacrifice. They are truly brave people and I'm glad we have them.
With that in mind, I want to give you a free suggestion for a Thursday night talk:
Write up a service meeting outline for a talk about not letting what is said at meetings leave the Kingdom Hall.
I have noticed a TV ad about "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" it's an advertising concept about keeping secrets about doing bad stuff I think and it would be perfect for your cult. I know you have given up on having the rocks cry out and stuff and hired a marketing company to help your printing corporation out and you have new TV ads, so this will be easy for you to assimilate. You could call the new light concept "What is said in Kingdom Hall stays in the Kingdom Hall." I know it's not incredibly original but neither are your cult control techniques. You know, the never admit you have ever made a mistake, threaten all those who disagree with you with death, and the one that fits my suggestion perfectly, be no part of the world no matter what they say or how logical their comments about your cult are.
No need to tell new bible studies about all the rules, just keep telling them about living forever in a tropical Disney Land and picking grapes the size of basketballs. You can tell them about the questionable false prophesies and stringent life controlling rules after they are dunked. That way, if they get their whole family into it, it will be more of a life devastating strangle hold on them. That's just a little cult thinking there and the good old bait and switch advertising technique used by unscrupulous companies like your own.
I think you could easily say in the talk, "there are apostate spies among us at this very meeting." That statement will grab their attention, make them all say "nooo" under their breath and keep them from falling asleep at the boring ass service meeting. Then people could look all around the hall and whisper to their neighbor who they think the spy is. It would be loads of fun for the whole congregation. Just think of it. You could make the comment one week and the next week have three people who have the highest level of gossip about them being a spy go up on the stage and you can tell two of them they are safe and one of them they are going to be disfellowshipped.
You could even sell the idea to Fox TV and end up with a top rated TV show. Just think how it would help get the cults ratings up in non third world countries.
Don't thank me for the idea. To be honest, I stole it. But, don't you think it will work? You could clean out the organization of thinking people and shrink the size of your kingdom halls as well as the brains of the people who will remain all at the same time. You could kill two stones with one bird so to speak. Just remember when you outline the talk for a Thursday night meeting, you "heard it here" first. I'm glad to help you out any time I can. You guys sure need it.
Don't worry about responding to this thread, I'm sure we will hear about the "spies among us" talk in a few months, on this site, a few hours after it is made.
Now go ahead and copy and paste this, print out two copies, put one in my file, and then show the other to your boss while he eats the cream cheese bagel you bought for him at the deli a few blocks away (you brown noseing suck up you). Then tell him that smart ass seven006 guy is posting a thread topic again on JWD and ask him if you should go ahead and have me whacked. To be honest, I could use a good whacking right now so ya got my vote. Just make sure ya whack Farkel first before me, he's older than me and will probably go with just one little whack. He really deserves more than me and he is starting to post thread topics again.
Now, you did your job today, it's Thursday night so hurry up and go to the little store a few blocks over and buy some beer before it is sold out to all the rest of the Bethel boys who are going to party like you after the boring ass service meeting.
Take care and have a Bud on me.
Dave