The point here is- I have no point.

becks

I am hoping there are others of you that have the same feelings as my self and can help me to move on from them!

Currently i am in therapy due to different things that have happened in my life (not just to do with the witnesses!!) and i thought it would be good to share my last session with you.

As a jw you are given your goal in life- your point. But when you leave suddenly you have nothing to live for - you have to live for yourself.

I was raised as a jw and at 16 got baptised (yes too young i know!) i loved it, it was my life - what i lived for. whilst associating with different crowds i begun to realize all was not as it seemed! People were leading double lives. I decided to leave at 18 not wanting to be a fellow hypocrit.

Anyway upon leaving due to my good nature and trust in people i got involved with the wrong crowd and they ruled my life for a year, i lost alot of weight i was depressed i could not work, i kept beating my boyfriend up all this went on untill we had enough and dissapeared from the crowd. I then had to learn to not be so trusting with people.

so 7 years on after leaving the truth i am still struggling with one thing.

What is the point of life?

Dont get me wrong i am not really depressed anymore but it does take me all my energy to just get out of bed and go to work go home then go to sleep then do the same the next day.

I have no point and beggining to have no energy to keep doing what i am doing.. i want to be a better person but i have no interest in anything.

I believe in armagedon and i know jehovah will do everything for the best of human kind even if i die. It will be for the best. I feel that is my only certainty in life.

I hope i have not rambled too much!

x

purplesofa

HI becks~ nice to meet you and glad you starting posting here.

I have been through periods in my life when I would wake up and think.........ok I am still breathing. Guess I will make it through another day. And that seemed to be the other reason why I was here. It is agonizing to go through this. Getting up day afer day after day.

Periods of time when I had no friends. No ambition for any hobbies, really not even knowing what I was interested in. When people would ask me what do you like to do? I honestly did not know.

So what comes naturally to many I had to work at and it came in little steps.

Music.......for a long time I lost joy in music. Little by little.....I was able to start enjoying music again. I could relate to many songs. some made me happy some sad. But I did not feel so alone. I listened to all kinds of music I had not formally been exposed to. I found that a way to start being attached. It really could not hurt me like people.

This could get really long........but little by little I thought about things I always wanted to do but never could becuase of time, lack of money, whatever reason. Writing poetry, biking, hiking, drawing, forcing myself to go to art shops and book stores. Taking walks.

I got some pets. Birds, fish, cats a dog! And found comfort and joy with them too.

I started networking friends online as well........and it just seems like now, life is not so bad. Many things about life are so wonderful. And those feelings I once had of What's the point have faded away. I notice the sunset, smiles, and have gotten to know myself. and in the process I have met many people that I love and love me whom I have grown to trust.

I don't know if this has helped you, but just telling you what I have gone through has helped me. So when you ask:

What is the point of life?

it is the little things. Just like this.

I hope you keep posting here and make some friends. Before long you will be hurrying home from work to see what everyone has written on the board and you can share with us your thoughts and ideas too.

thanks and welcome to the board

purps

moanzy

Hi Becks,

You sound so lost. Maybe you aren't, but it does sound like you have not found a purpose. I work with girls/women that have eating disorders. And most of them sound like you. They just can't find a way to find some real joy and a driven purpose. I don't know if this helps, but it is worth it to keep searching. Growing up JW has caused so many allusions about life and in the REAL world none of those allusions exist. It makes reality more difficult than it needs to be. So it takes time to adjust and find what we need to live in this world peacefully with ourselves.

There are so many people on this board that are supportive of the unique situations many of us came from. I hope you find it helpful and healing

Moanzy

Pwned

it sounds to me like you are still depressed but you are in therapy so thats good, i hope u get better.

becks

Thanks purps.

I do find joy in some things like music etc. but i cant seem to do anyhting for myself ie i cant be selfish.. Its even a task to wash my hair and have a bath.

Dont get me wrong, i am managing i am just finding the next step so hard.. I want to be a better person- without the costant struggle!

xx

purplesofa

Hey becks~

It will come to you slowly, don't get discouraged. The little accomplishments you are making now will become automatic without much effort as you keep doing them.

I even had to make sure I ate right to keep my energy levels more stable.

I understand what you say when you are not depressed. Deep inside you there is some joy and happiness that you feel. and desire to be heard and share. Trust that with persistance and time it will get better.

Keep reaching out

purps

I sent you a pm

what_Truth?

Most people, Witness or not, struggle with that question. All I can advise is for you to try as many things as possible to see what clicks.

trevor

Hi Becks ( one of my favourite beers so that's a good start)

I would recommend you read one of the books by OSHO. He was an Asian man who lived in new York until he died recently. Here is just one of his wise comments that seems to explain the point in your life you have reached. Such space and emptiness is to be welcomed and treasured as it can lead to a much calmer and more detached way of living.

OSHO

'When you have emptied all the content ? thoughts, desires, memories, projections, hopes ? when all is gone, for the first time you find yourself, because you are nothing but that pure space, that virgin space within you.
Unburdened by anything, that content-less consciousness, that is what you are! Seeing it, realizing it, one is free. One is freedom, one is joy, one is bliss.'

tijkmo

hey i know exactly what you mean and in many ways i was happy!!! to find out that others were experiencing it too...i have no interest in life no goals no objectives no desires even..i lost interest in everything and i really loved life aswell as the truth....music kept me going but not from an enjoyment point of veiw....i used to go to the movies but got sick of doing that alone...didnt wanna eat didnt want to be in anyones company...i dont have kids..i dont have pets....and i also have that inability to be selfish...but i decided that i had to do something...if you are getting counselling then see if they can get you involved in some group activities...you dont say whether you still have your b/f or kids but you got to get some interaction....scripture in prov says isolating oneself is selfish (not the point here) but it also says that it goes against all practical wisdom...and all thats been said already about eating prop and walking and doing stuff is practical wisdom and sometimes when we been alone for so long we fail to see how these will benfit us....

i started a college course and im the oldest in the class but its good fun and i enjoy it...its not the answer to everything and it hasnt as yet given me any definate goals but it is something to do and it is interaction and i can get good meals and homework for when im alone....

i still dont want to wake up tommorrow but at least i dont want to die today

becks

Thanks Guys,

I am single but i dont feel loneley i have so many friends around me that would be impossiable but i do feel isolated... (In my head there is a differance!)

I just need more motivation to keep ticking on..

I have to remind myself how lucky i am. Life could be worse! oh and now i have all you to talk with..

xxxxxx

The point here is- I have no point.

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