How Do I Tell My Mom

Moridin

Recently I got engaged. The problem is we are going to have a pagan wedding according to our beliefs. My mother, a devout JW, already knows that we are getting married so I can't not invite her to the wedding. I don't want to not tell her what kind of wedding it is and have her storm out during the ceremony when realization dawns in as to what is going on so I'm going to have to tell her it's a pagan wedding. She's going to ask questions when she finds out and will eventually find out that I'm a practicing wiccan. When that happens she'll freak. I'm afraid that she'll disown me on the spot. How do I go about telling her without compromising my beliefs and changing the ceremony to a traditional one? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Black Sheep

Hi Moridin.

That's a helluva question.

Are you 'born in', DF, DA, drifted, whatever? It may make a difference

Chris

blondie

If your mom is not coming, I'm surprised that she would want to know the details of the wedding. I wouldn't volunteer any information and if she asks, say, "If you want to know, you have to be there."

Now if you have invited her and she says she might come, I think it would be fair to tell her what to expect rather than having it drop on her like a rock at the event.

It's a difficult thing to come to a point where being truthful with family may mean losing their association. Tell as much "truth" as you can and be true to yourself.

Love, Blondie

Moridin

I was born in and was a witness for about 22 years or so. I drifted away without any difficulty from the elders which kinda suprised me since I was supposed to be an example in the hall. My mom is planning on coming to the wedding I just haven't told her yet what kind of wedding it is. I have a feeling that most of my family won't be coming because of the kind of wedding with the exeption of my father who also left and possibly my sister who is currently sitting on the fence with the jws.

Max Divergent

Maybe anything non-JW will be about the same to Mom? Catholic, civil, Mormon, Satanist, Star Trek, nude, Wiccan, drunken, pickles on a sesamie seed bun...???

bikerchic

Invite her tell her a bit about your wedding plans and let her decide if she wants to go or not. That IMHO puts you on a mature level with her of this is my life and this is how I'm going to live it. If not are you going to live the rest of your life trying to get her approval? If so you shouldn't marry until you are ready to cut the apron strings from your Mother. Your future husband deserves a woman and wife who is in a relationship with him, not dependent on how your Mother feels about the decisions you and he will need to be making for your future and the future of your 80 kids.

It's your day you should have it the way you want it! Good luck and congrats!

Kate

Sunspot

Hi Moridin!

I completely agree with everything Kate said! You could say something to your Mom about the wedding ceremony will reflect your lifestyle (now) and your and your fiance's beliefs. (pointing out that these beliefs will not be found in any KH)

I know nothing at all about a Wiccan wedding, but I would imagine that it would be solemn and dignified. You may also want to emphasize that to her.

Let us know how it goes....

hugs,

Annie

Scully

If you have specific plans about your wedding ceremony that you know your mom might find offensive, then it would be courteous to inform her ahead of time about them, and leave the decision to her as to whether to attend the wedding or not. As well, you have every right to have the wedding of your choosing, without having her impose her belief system on how your wedding ceremony is carried out. Just be prepared for a tantrum and having her refuse to attend if you don't accommodate her wishes. I'm actually kind of surprised that the elders aren't putting pressure on her to boycott the wedding (yet).

Best wishes!

Love, Scully

jwbot

What will be so "pagan" about it? I mean, me and my fiance are not having a traditional wedding but it does not conform to any other traditions either...so no one would know either way. Is there a certain pagan wedding practice you are doing that she would find offensive? And also, would she be able to know that certain practices are pagan or not? Do you even have to label it a "pagan" wedding?

Scully

Consider the origins of common wedding traditions that have been attributed to being "pagan":

white dress for the bride, veil
bridesmaids and groomsmen / maid of honour and best man
wedding rings
wedding cakes
use of flowers, flower petals
the honeymoon

JWs do all those things. I guess labelling something as "pagan" doesn't mean that JWs can't do them, right?

How Do I Tell My Mom

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