Another Crisis of Conscience Thread... :)

by jeanniebeanz 24 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  jeanniebeanz

  Well, I'm through the first three chapters. I'm pretty apalled at the evidence presented for how untruthfull the Society has been in presenting its own history and lack of unity in decision making. The way that the GB took power in place of the President of the WTBTS was an eyeopener, as was the lack of prayerful consideration over matters presented to the GB before they made decisions which negatively affected the lives of millions of people.

  Before I read this, I was under the impression that the GB were just deluded old men who truly believed what they were pushing. Now I see them as much more accountable for the consequences of their actions, because I am coming to see them as knowing full well that they are pushing falsehood.

  What incredible liars they are....

  J
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  frankiespeakin

  Jeanie,

  I think you are right they either are down right dishonest liars or they have become sociopaths or something to that nature where even when they are lying they think they are telling the truth.

  I think they must be very conflicted individuals to keep supressing thier own suspicions about not being God's channel and many need psychiatric help and can't get it because they know the consequences once they do.
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  jeanniebeanz

  Well, having finished the book, and although it has been discussed in detail here, I thought I'd just post a note to share my thoughts.

  Although the details in COC were interesting, nothing in the book was a surprise to me as far as how dishonest the GB has been in its dealings with the flock. I was also not surprised by how vicious and downright racist they were, but this is mainly due to my exposure to similar information on line and here I was already aware of these things.

  However, I was surprised at the feelings of deep disappointment that I felt for my own father. Let me explain:

  My father has been an elder for thirty some years. He is so very intelligent and well read that I cannot believe that he is not aware of many of the things written by Ray in his book. My disappointment is that I believe that he exposed his family to division and pain *knowing* that the very foundations of this religion were questionable. I just don't get how he can continue to live a lie and cage his family into the same live.

  J
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  Euphemism

  Reminds me of my dad, Jeannie. I know he was deep enough in the WTS to have seen a lot of the things that Ray described. That's why I never tried to anti-Witness to him; ultimately, he knows the truth about the truth, and has decided to stick with cognitive dissonance instead.
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  jeanniebeanz

  I'm sorry to hear that, Euph. It is painful to know that our own Fathers have willfully chosen to hold to a lie rather than uphold their responsibilities to their own children.

  This is the same man who used to call me the 'light of his life', and now he has chosen a falshood over a relationship with me and my family. It is so heartbreaking.

  I remember one time, I must have been 7or 8, mom and dad were having a real hard time. Mom was always pretty emotional and more than a little phycho at times after her nervous breakdown and she was being pretty cruel to him at that time. I knew that dad was sad but didn't know why at the time. We were coming home from work, (I used to follow him to work in his shop and my first job was to clean sparkplugs for a penny a piece), and we came to the stop sign at the base of the hill. To turn left meant going home. To turn right meant getting onto the highway. There was no traffic coming and he just sat there looking one way and then the other. He had tears in his eyes.

  He looked at me and asked, 'what would you think if we left here right now and went far away?' I replied, 'And never come back?' to which he said 'yes'. I thought about it for a moment and then said, 'I would miss mom'. He took my hand and patted it. Then he heaved a big sigh, wiped a tear away, and turned left.

  Here, he was wanting to take the 'light of his life' and split for good. Leave his other children, his wife, his business, and his religion in that moment. Yet, a few years later he writes me off over the lie.

  Don't know if it's age, fear, or just the principle of conformity but it still boggles the mind. I think that mom believes it, but dad knows better.

  It is really painful. I loved my dad more than anyone in the world and probably always will. It's so stupid. I'm 43 this year, and I feel like an orphan not because my parents were killed, but because they threw me away for a lie.

  J