Comments You Will Not Hear at the 4-10-05 WT Study (Marriage--March 1)

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    Comments You Will Not Hear at the 4-10-05 WT Study (March 1, 2005 issue)

    Review comments will be in black and parentheses ()

    WT quotes from today?s WT

    will be in red and quotes ""

    Quotes from other sources

    will be in blue

    MARRIAGE CAN SUCCEED IN TODAY'S WORLD

    "Clothe yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union."-COLOSSIANS 3:14.

    Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together.

    Colossians 3:14 (Contemporary English Verson)

    www.biblegateway.com /cgi-bin/bible

    Opening Comments

    Consider the marital history of the WTS presidents.

    Charles Taze Russell:

    Married and divorced 17 years later?no children.

    Joseph F. Rutherford:

    Married but lived separately from his wife for many years, maintaining separate residences even in California;both died in good standing as JWs. One child, a son, Malcolm, estranged from his father.

    Nathan Knorr:

    Married at 48 in 1953 and lived his entire married life at Bethel; no children. Until around 1955, Bethelites who married had to leave Bethel and marriage was discouraged. Is it a coincidence that this policy changed about the time Knorr chose to marry?

    Fred Franz:

    Never married.

    Milton Henschel:

    Married at 35 (1956) living his entire married life at Bethel; no children.

    START OF ARTICLE

    WHEN we look at the Christian congregation, is it not heartwarming to see so many married couples who have been loyal to their mates for 10, 20, 30, or even more years? They have stuck with their mates through thick and thin.?Genesis 2:24.

    Christian congregation:

    only JWs

    So many:

    Of my JW generation less than 50% of them are still married to each other. If you were brought up in a JW family, think about all your contemporaries; how many are still married to their original spouse? Look around your congregation, your circuit, how many divorces and separations do you know of? What was it like when you were a teenager at the KH?

    2 Most would admit that their marriage has not been without its challenges. One observer wrote: "Happy marriages are not carefree. There are good times and bad times . . . But somehow . . . these people have stayed married despite the [turmoil] of modern life." Successful couples have learned to deal with the inevitable storms and crises that result from the pressures of life, especially if they have raised children. Experience has taught such couples that true love "never fails."?! Corinthians 13:8.

    One observer wrote

    ?Who is this observer? What source is this from?

    The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts

    by Judith S. Wallerstein, Sandra Blakeslee

    http://www.enotalone.com/article/3622.html

    Inevitable storms and crises:

    Caused by the woman, of course.

    But even if you did marry, you would commit no sin. And if a virgin [person] married, such one would commit no sin. However, those who do will have tribulation in their flesh. But I am sparing

    YOU. 1 CORINTHIANS 7:28

    Pressures of life: Translation: materialism

    Children:

    See the WTS told you they would be trouble.

    w88

    3/1 p. 22 Childbearing Among God?s People

    Like Noah and his family, we are also living in "a world of ungodly people." (2 Peter 2:5) Like them, we are in "the last days" of a wicked system of things that is about to be destroyed. The apostle Paul prophesied that "the last days" of Satan?s system would bring "critical times hard to deal with." Showing that raising children would be one of the things hard to deal with, he added that children would be "disobedient to parents." He stated that people in general, not excluding children and adolescents, would be "unthankful, disloyal, having no natural affection." (2 Timothy 3:1-3) While Paul was here prophesying of conditions among worldly people, obviously such prevalent attitudes would make the rearing of children increasingly difficult for Christians, as many have experienced.

    True love:

    The Bible says, Love never fails, but evidently had to be added to by the WTS.

    3 In contrast, millions of marriages have suffered shipwreck. A report says: "Half of all U.S. marriages today are expected to end in divorce. And half of those [divorces] will happen within the first 7.8 years of marriage ... Among the 75 percent of people who remarry, 60 percent will divorce again." Even countries that previously had relatively low divorce rates have seen a change. For example, in Japan the divorce rate has nearly doubled in recent years. What are some of the pressures that have led to this situation, pressures that sometimes manifest themselves even within the Christian congregation

    ? What is needed to make a success of marriage in spite of Satan's efforts to undermine that arrangement?

    A report says

    : What report is that, who wrote it, where can we find it? (Google didn?t help)

    Countries that previously had relatively low divorce rates?Japan?nearly doubled

    : This is the same country where the increase of JWs was heralded month after month but now has ground to a halt; same pressures?

    EVEN within the Christian congregation

    : Only JW congregations

    Satan?s efforts to undermine:

    Yes, it is the fault of the Devil

    Pitfalls to Avoid

    4 God's Word helps us to understand the factors that can undermine a marriage. Consider, for example, the words of the apostle Paul concerning conditions that would exist during these last days: "In the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up with pride, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, having a form of godly devotion but proving false to its power; and from these turn away." -2 Timothy 3:1-5.

    Gods Word helps us to understand:

    As interpreted by the WTS/FDS and their representatives the elders.

    w89

    9/15 p. 24 Be Obedient to Those Taking the Lead

    Paul urged Titus to keep exhorting and reproving with full authority (Titus 2:15) Similarly, Gods representatives today direct us to Bible principles and laws. There are sound reasons to accept the repeated admonition to apply the counsel and direction of Jehovahs organization and the appointed elders.

    Counsel such as staying with a man that beats them or cheats on them, for the sake of the children.

    w88

    11/1 p. 22 When Marital Peace Is Threatened

    Extreme

    physical abuse is another basis for separation.

    So what is extreme abuse? Does the spouse get one punch a day?

    5 When we analyze Paul's words, we see that many of the things he listed could contribute to the breakdown of marital relationships. For example, those who are "lovers of themselves" are selfish and lack consideration for others. Husbands or wives who love only themselves are determined to get their own way. They are inflexible, unbending. Would such an attitude contribute to a happy marriage? In no way. The apostle Paul wisely counseled Christians, including married couples: "[You should be] doing nothing out of contentiousness or out of egotism, but with lowliness of mind considering that the others are superior to you, keeping an eye, not in personal interest upon just your own matters, but also in personal interest upon those of the others."?Philippians 2:3, 4.

    Analyze Paul?s words:

    I thought they were God?s words?

    Selfish and lack consideration for other:

    Many elders? families have problems because the husband puts everything ahead of their family. I can attribute to divorces to that in the last year.

    Determined to get their own way

    : Husbands who think being the head means it my way or the highway and wives who rebel.

    Considering others are superior to you

    : What brother would consider any sister superior to him?

    6 Love of money can drive a wedge between a husband and a wife. Paul warned: "Those who are determined to be rich fall into temptation and a snare and many senseless and hurtful desires, which plunge men into destruction and ruin. For the love of money is a root of all sorts of injurious things, and by reaching out for this love some have been led astray from the faith and have stabbed themselves all over with many pains." (1 Timothy 6:9, 10) Sadly, Paul's warning has come true in many marriages today. In their quest for wealth, many spouses ignore the needs of their mates, including the basic need for emotional support and regular, warm companionship.

    Love of money can drive a wedge between a husband and a wife

    .

    w68

    9/1 p. 540 What It Means to Be Honest

    Wives may misrepresent how much they spend on groceries so as to have money for something that their husbands may consider a luxury.

    w85

    2/15 p. 24 Does Greed Sometimes Grip You?

    Far more serious to a Christian is the spiritual danger inherent in greed. Materialism has caused some Christian wives, whose husbands earn reasonable pay, to seek employment even if the result is neglect of their children and fewer blessings in the preaching work.

    Quest for wealth

    : Sisters asking for things they don?t need.

    w82

    6/15 p. 8 Keep Pursuing Spiritual Goals

    Christian wives help by keeping the "prize" foremost

    . Ill never forget what my wife said when I read that three of the men I trained to take my job when we moved had just become millionaires," related the Witness mentioned in paragraph 13. "She said: ?Money is here today and gone tomorrow. What we are doing by helping persons spiritually has lasting good.? She always encouraged me not to get involved in making big money again. With her help we entered the circuit work when our children were grown." Yes, women who support their husbands spiritually can assist them in obtaining "goodwill from Jehovah."?Proverbs 18:22..

    w85

    2/15 p. 24 Does Greed Sometimes Grip You?

    Materialism has caused some Christian wives, whose husbands earn reasonable pay, to seek employment even if the result is neglect of their children and fewer blessings in the preaching work

    Ignore the needs of their mates

    : Never home because of being an elder different result?

    Emotional support

    : Men give emotional support?

    Regular, warm companionship

    : I can think of 20 elders over the years that had their families fall down around their ears because their wives and children never saw them.

    Maybe the woman is expecting too much?

    w83

    6/1 p. 21 Husbands, Show Self-Sacrificing Love

    Yes, wives, there is need on your part to be unselfish. Just as a man can abuse his headship by selfishly dominating his wife, so, too, a wife can have an inordinate craving for the attention of her husband. (Genesis 3:16) Balance is not easy. With all the demands on your husband, including heavy congregational duties, there are bound to be times when he may not satisfy all your emotional needs

    7 Paul also said that some in these last days would be "disloyal, having no natural affection, not open to any agreement." The marriage vow is a solemn promise that should lead to a permanent bond, not to treachery. (Malachi 2:14-16) Some, though, have turned their amorous attentions to individuals other than their spouses. One wife in her 30's whose husband left her explained that even before he left, he acted too familiarly, too affectionately, toward other women. He failed to recognize what was inappropriate conduct for a married man. She was deeply hurt when she saw this happening and tactfully tried to warn him of the dangerous path he was treading. Still, he fell into adultery. Even though kind warnings were given, the offending partner did not want to pay attention. He fell headlong into the trap. -Proverbs 6:27-29.

    In these last days:

    Is adultery a problem only in these times?

    How have the elders dealt with elders who hands roam, who spend more time talking to an "attractive" sister than to Sister Elderly? If it is a "he said-she said" situation, who will they believe?the sister!? What if several sisters had reported the same behavior separately? One elder was constantly stroking the sisters? backs and then let his hand drop for a quick fanny feel. A few had complained to their husbands or fathers but the elders did nothing.

    Failed to recognize what was inappropriate conduct for a married man:

    or chose to ignore what they knew to be wrong and the elders ignored it or felt the women brought the "inappropriate" attention on herself because of her dress?

    g86

    7/22 p. 29 Watching the World/"Normal Reaction"?

    According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, "forcible rape" increased by 4 percent in the United States during 1985. New York City recorded the largest number of such rapes with 3,880 incidents reported, followed by Los Angeles with 2,318. Although authorities cite many factors as the cause, some experts maintain that "by their seductive behavior in dress, bodily movement and suggestive remarks, some women invite rape." (The Globe and Mail, Toronto, Canada) One man charged with raping a 16-year-old girl was sentenced by a Wisconsin judge to probation. Why? The judge concluded that the rape occurred as a "normal reaction" to suggestive clothing.

    8 How clearly the Bible warns against adultery! "Anyone committing adultery with a woman is in want of heart; he that does it is bringing his own soul to ruin." (Proverbs 6: 32) Usually, adultery is not a spontaneous, impulsive act. As the Bible writer James pointed out, a sin such as adultery usually takes place only after the thought has been conceived and entertained. (James 1:14,15) The offending spouse gradually ceases to be loyal to the mate to whom he or she vowed lifelong fidelity. Jesus said: "You heard that it was said, 'You must not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone that keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."?Matthew 5:27, 28.

    Not a spontaneous, impulsive act

    .

    Only after the thought has been conceived and entertained

    .

    Gradually ceases to be loyal.

    Is the excuse many are giving the elders that the brother was caught up in the moment and this is being passed on to the WTS headquarters on the forms regarding judicial actions in the congregation.

    It is a thought my some men/elders that men find it harder to control their sexual urges than women.

    9 Therefore, the wise and loyal course is the one encouraged in the book of Proverbs: "Let your water source prove to be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth, a lovable hind and a charming mountain goat. Let her own breasts intoxicate you at all times. With her love may you be in an ecstasy constantly. So why should you, my son, be in an ecstasy with a strange woman or embrace the bosom of a foreign woman?" -Proverbs 5:18-20.

    Rejoice with the wife of your youth

    Are brothers dumping their wives for a newer model?

    With a strange woman?foreign woman

    Are brothers dumping their wives for non-JWs or JWs. My experience is that it is for JWs.

    Blurb page 12: Marriage is more than just a romantic relationship

    Do Not Rush Into Marriage

    10 Problems in marriage may arise when a couple enter into that relationship prematurely. They may be too young and inexperienced. Or perhaps they do not take the time to get to know each other?their likes and dislikes, their goals in life, their family background. It is wise to exercise patience, taking the time to get to know the prospective mate. Think of Jacob, the son of Isaac. He had to work for his prospective father-in-law for seven years before he was allowed to marry Rachel. He was willing to do that because his feelings were based on real love, not merely physical attraction
    .?Genesis 29:20-30 .

    Enter into that relationship prematurely

    How many of us know of JWs that get married when they are barely 18 because they can?t imagine going without sex another minute, or can?t wait to escape the control of their parents, or want to have a baby, or that if they wait too long, the last eligible brother will be snapped up?

    How many of us know of JW parents that push their children into early marriages thinking it will protect their children from being DF?d for fornication?

    Do not take the time to get to know each other

    How do they ever find time to get to know each other when someone has to be with them, chaperone them every second of they are together?

    Jacob, work for his prospective father-in-law for seven years

    Is the WTS suggesting 7 year long engagements or dating periods?

    Based on love, not merely physical attraction

    Right and the geeky brothers that I see with trophy wives were interested in their spiritual qualifications? But the wives were interested in their spiritual status in the congregation because women have none.

    11 Marriage is more than just a romantic relationship. The marital union yokes together two persons from different family backgrounds and with distinct personalities, emotional makeup, and often disparate educational backgrounds. Sometimes it is a joining of two cultures, even two languages. At the very least, it brings together two voices with the ability to express differing opinions on all kinds of matters. Those two voices are a very real component of a marriage union. They can be constantly critical and complaining, or they can be warmly encouraging and edifying. Yes, with our words we can either hurt or heal our mate. Uncontrolled speech can put a real strain on a marriage. -Proverbs 12:18; 15:1, 2; 16:24; 21:9; 31:26.

    Marriage is more than just a romantic relationship.

    Does the paragraph explain what kind of relationship it should be instead; a business partnership?

    Often disparate educational backgrounds

    How could this be when neither men or women are encouraged to get more than a high school education with a few years in a vocational school?

    Two cultures, even two languages

    Many sisters have been marrying brothers from other countries, even go to these countries to go where the need is greater but really looking for husbands, brothers with disparate educational backgrounds, another culture, another language.

    Constantly critical and complaining

    Translation: Sisters nagging their husbands.

    Encouraging and edifying (buzzword)

    Translation: Sisters should support their husbands even when they are wrong following the example set for how the rank and file should treat the WTS.

    Uncontrolled speech

    Translation: Verbal abuse. I have known sisters who went to the elders because their MS/elder husbands called them cruel names daily as well as screaming at the children; some of the elders even had been present. The answer, the wife and children should put up with love knowing what difficult responsibilities the husband/father had.

    BTW did you know that elders yell at each other in the elders meetings; I guess that falls under the term freeness of speech.

    12 Therefore, it is wise to take the time really to get to know a prospective mate. An experienced Christian sister once said: "When you view a prospective marriage partner, think of perhaps ten basic requirements you would like to see in that person. If you can find only seven, ask yourself, 'Am I willing to overlook the three that are missing? Could I on a daily basis tolerate those deficiencies?' If you have doubts, step back and think again." Of course, you need to be realistic. If you want to get married, know that you will never find a perfect mate. But, then, the person you eventually marry will not have found a perfect mate either!?Luke 6:41.

    Prospective mate (buzzword)

    Translation: Baptized and breathing

    Experienced Christian sister

    Experienced; how many times has she been married or dated?

    Christian; really means JW

    Perfect mate

    The only perfect mate died 2,000 years ago unmarried

    I have heard elders say that if you want a perfect mate, wait until the new system. That is why so many JWs are waiting, eh?

    13 Marriage involves sacrifices. Paul highlighted this when he said: "I want you to be free from anxiety. The unmarried man is anxious for the things of the Lord, how he may gain the Lord's approval. But the married man is anxious for the things of the world, how he may gain the approval of his wife, and he is divided. Further, the unmarried woman, and the virgin, is anxious for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in her body and in her spirit. However, the married woman is anxious for the things of the world, how she may gain the approval of her husband."?1 Corinthians 7: 32-34.

    Marriage involves sacrifice

    And we know in the JW congregation, women are expected to sacrifice more than men because of the men have more important responsibilities and privileges.

    Approval of her husband

    It is easier to get approval of God than the approval of many JW husbands.

    Why Some Marriages Fail

    14 A Christian woman recently experienced the trauma of divorce when her husband left her after 12 years of marriage and began a relationship with another woman. Did she notice any warning signs before the breakup? She explains: "He reached a point where he no longer prayed. He used flimsy excuses for missing Christian meetings and the preaching activity. He claimed to be either too busy or too tired to spend time with me. He would not talk to me. There was a spiritual alienation. It was such a shame. He was no longer the man I had married."

    Christian woman

    Translation: JW sister

    BTW, why are there no experiences about the trauma of a brother having his wife leave him?

    No longer prayed

    Flimsy excuses for missing Christian (JW) meetings and the preaching activity

    Sounds like sisters with husband no longer enchanted with the WTS and its doctrines will think their husband is having an affair.

    Too busy or too tired to spend time with me

    As I mentioned earlier, many elders never have time for their families. Is an affair on the horizon?

    15 Others report noticing similar signs, including neglect of personal Bible study, prayer, or attendance at Christian meetings. In other words, many individuals who eventually left their mates allowed their relationship with Jehovah to weaken. As a result, their spiritual vision dimmed. Jehovah was no longer a living God to them. The promised new world of righteousness ceased to be a reality. In some cases, this spiritual weakening happened even before the unfaithful spouse formed an attachment outside the marriage.-Hebrews 10:38, 39; 11:6; 2 Peter 3:13,14.

    Neglect of personal Bible study, prayer, or attendance at Christian (JW) meetings.

    Relationship with Jehovah (WTS) to weaken

    Translation: If mate no longer loves Jehovah (WTS), they can no longer love or be faithful to their mate.

    Promised new world of righteousness ceased to be a reality

    Not that it ever was a reality; the WTS dependability ceased to be a reality.

    Spiritual weakening (rejecting the WTS not God)

    Is a prelude to forming an attachment outside the marriage.

    Translation: Only JWs can be faithful to their mates; and even some of them are having troubles, ergo this article.

    16 In contrast, one very happy couple attribute the success of their marriage to their strong spiritual bonds. They pray together and study together. The husband says: "We read the Bible together. We go out in the ministry together. We enjoy doing things together." The lesson is clear: Maintaining a good relationship with Jehovah will greatly contribute to the solidity of a marriage.

    Strong spiritual bonds

    Pray together and study together

    We read the Bible together.

    Do husbands study the Bible together with their wives? Do they even study the WT together? Few men even have family studies; and when the children grow up, some men do not continue having a family study with just their wife.

    Believe me, I have heard the comments from many JW wives when they learned that a brother studied every week with his wife. One wife said that she had never sat down with her husband and studied anything. Married 20 years, no children.

    Do husbands pray before meals or at the close of the day with their wives and/or children?

    We go out in the ministry together.

    Think back to those Saturday mornings, as the men jumped into the car together and left the women and children to fend for themselves, sometimes sticking some wannabe MS with their supervision.

    Of course, they had important spiritual things to do!

    Be Realistic and Communicate

    17 Two other things contribute to a successful marriage: Christian love and communication. When two people are enamored with each other, there is a tendency to ignore each other's faults. The couple may enter marriage with exaggerated expectations, perhaps based on what they have read in romance novels or seen in movies. Eventually, however, the couple have to face reality. Then, minor faults or mildly irritating habits may become major problems. If that happens, Christians need to display the fruitage of the spirit, an aspect of which is love. (Galatians 5:22, 23) Love, indeed, is very powerful?not romantic love but Christian love. Paul described such Christian love, saying: "Love is long-suffering and kind.. . . [It] does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury.... It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) Clearly, genuine love makes allowances for human frailties. Realistically, it does not expect perfection. Proverbs 10:12.

    Ignore each other?s faults

    Oh, they do not ignore them; they are just waiting until after the wedding to change them.

    Exaggerated expectations

    Whose exaggerated expectations, men or women?

    They have read in romance novels

    Must to be talking about sisters, since no man reads romance novels

    Or seen in movies

    Must be talking about sisters, since no man goes to romantic movies, give them action movies.

    So sisters must be the ones with exaggerated expectations.

    Not romantic love but Christian love.

    Agape love?

    w03 7/1 p. 8 The Noblest Kind of Love

    Insight
    on the Scriptures says: "[A·ga´pe] is not sentimentality, based on mere personal attachment, as is usually thought of, but is a moral or social love based on deliberate assent of the will as a matter of principle, duty, and propriety, sincerely seeking the other?s good according to what is right.

    Blurb page 14: A strong relationship with Jehovah helps a couple to make a success of marriage

    18 Communication is also vital. Regardless of the years that have passed, spouses should talk with each other and truly listen to each other. Says one husband: "We openly express our feelings but in a friendly way." With experience, a husband or a wife learns to listen not only to what is said but also to what is not said. In other words, as the years go by, a happily married couple learn to discern unspoken thoughts or unexpressed feelings. Some

    wives have said that their husbands do not really listen to them. Some husbands have complained that their wives seem to want to communicate at the most inconvenient times. Communication involves compassion and understanding. Effective communication is beneficial for both husband and wife. ?James 1:19.

    Should talk

    But do they?

    Truly listen

    But do they? Did you hear what I said? Yes, dear. Have you ever asked someone to repeat back what you just said to them to find out they had not heard a word?

    Listen to what is not said

    This is what women have to learn to do according to one elder since men are not as good at communicating or discussing their feelings. Of course, they are the same men that are chose to give public talks.

    Husbands have complained that their wives seem to want to communicate at the most inconvenient times.

    What is a convenient time?

    Not during meals.

    Not while they are watching TV.

    Not while they are listening to the game on the radio?

    Not when they are home?

    When they are studying the Bible together; don?t hold your breath.

    Just before they go to bed?

    19 Communication sometimes includes apologizing. That is not always easy. It takes humility to admit one's mistakes. Yet, what a difference it makes in a marriage! A sincere apology can remove a possible future cause for conflict and pave the way for real forgiveness and a solution to the problem. Paul stated: "Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a cause for complaint against another. Even as Jehovah freely forgave you, so do you also. But, besides all these things, clothe yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union."?Colossians 3:13,14.

    Communication sometimes includes apologizing.

    Not always easy

    Especially if you are JW man with any responsibilities; if the WTS doesn?t have to apologize for its mistakes?

    It takes humility to admit one?s mistakes.

    Well, that explains why the WTS never apologized for the 1975 mistake but blamed it on the rank and file JW.

    Lesson: Husbands, blame the wife.

    20 Also vital in a marriage is mutual support. A Christian husband and wife should be able to trust each other, to rely on each other. Neither should undermine the other or in other ways diminish his or her self-confidence. We lovingly commend our marriage partners; we do not harshly criticize them. (Proverbs 31:28b) Certainly, we do not demean them by making them the object of foolish and thoughtless jokes. (Colossians 4:6) Such mutual support is strengthened by regular expressions of affection. A touch or a quiet affectionate word can say: "I still love you. I'm glad you are with me." These are some factors that can influence a relationship and help marriage to succeed in today's world. There are others, and the following article will offer additional Scriptural guidelines on how to make a success of marriage.* (* For more detailed information, see the publication The Secret of Family Happiness, published by Jehovah's Witnesses.)

    Should be able to trust each other

    Can you trust the average JW? Will they tell your business or confidential matters from one end of the congregation to the other? If they suspect you of having violated one of the WTS edicts, will they run to the elders? Is their loyalty first to you or to some person at the KH?

    Undermine

    Diminish his or her self confidence

    Now why would you do that to someone who is not your spouse? If you would never do it to that person, why your mate?

    Sisters have enough trouble going to the KH and being told they are next in importance after a 15-year-old baptized boy.

    Lovingly commend

    Harshly criticize

    Demean them by making them the object of foolish or thoughtless jokes

    I think things are not going well in the congregations of JWs if they have to be told that such things are either necessary or to be avoided.

    Regular expressions of affection

    Ever been in a congregation when a married brother or sister is told not to put their arm over the shoulder of their mate? Or to save their kisses for the home environment? Or that their holding hands makes it hard for the single sisters to be content with their state?

    Concluding Comments

    Things are not well in JW LaLa Land. The elders spend more time trying to mend marriages than anything else. I can remember at one time in one congregation there were 5 couples that were separated but not divorced. The elders were spending so much time trying to get them to move back in together, their own marriages suffered.

    Some sisters are getting so desperate to find a husband, they are willing to marry brothers who have no education, no jobs, from another culture and country. Others, men included, are so desperate for a mate after their divorce, they marry people they barely know. Teenagers are barely out of school and married, and then one year later, children. But what I see most are people who have been married 15 or more years, think they married the wrong person, and take a change at some real happiness.

    What is coming up next week?

    Imitate Jesus and His Congregation

    Continue Dwelling With Them

    A Weaker Vessel in What Way?

    In a Religiously Divided Household

    The Secret Person of the Heart

    The Bible?s Wise Guidance

    Can you write the paragraphs?

    Can You Explain?

    What are some factors that can undermine a marriage?

    Why is a hasty marriage unwise?

    How does spirituality affect a marriage?

    What factors help stabilize a marriage?

    Questions

    1, 2. (a) What fact is encouraging with regard to the Christian congregation? (b) What is a successful marriage?

    3. What do statistics indicate about marriage and divorce, leading to what questions?

    4. What are some factors that can undermine a marriage?

    5. Why is a 'lover of self" endangering his or her marriage, and what is the Bible's counsel in this regard?

    6. How can love of money undermine a marital relationship?

    7. In some cases, what behavior has led to marital disloyalty?

    8. What can lead to adultery?

    9. What wise counsel is found at Proverbs 5:18-20?

    10. Why is it wise to take time to get to know a prospective mate?

    11. (a) What does the marital union bring together? (b) Why is a wise use of speech vital in marriage?

    12. 13. What realistic view of marriage is encouraged?

    14, 15. What can contribute to the weakening of the marriage bond?

    16. What strengthens a marriage?

    17. (a) What two things contribute to a successful marriage? (b) How does Paul describe Christian love?

    18. How can communication strengthen a relationship?

    19. (a) Why can apologizing be difficult? (b) What will motivate us to apologize?

    20. How should a Christian treat his marriage partner in private and in the presence of others?
  • EvilForce
    EvilForce

    Thanks for all the hard work !!!

  • heathen
    heathen

    what a load of crap . Why is everything so polarized ? Men are always the aggressor in the desire for sex ? What was their point with all the old testament scripture anyway . Jacob was duped and wound up marrying the homely daughter he didn't love from afar but he wound up loving her in the end .It took him 14yrs to get the one he was after . Most of proverbs was written by solomon who had a whole herim of womenzzzzzzzzzz numbering in the hundreds . You are right, where are these people supposed to get all this exsperience since they are only allowed to date with the desire to marry?

    Good Grief !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • HadEnuf
    HadEnuf

    This article has CROCK written all over it Blondie. Your remarks were right on the mark (as usual).

    Husbands or wives who love only themselves are determined to get their own way. They are inflexible, unbending. Would such an attitude contribute to a happy marriage? In no way.

    I almost launched myself off of my computer chair and hit the "roof" when I read this. How can husbands and wives learn to be unselfish, flexible and "bending" when the very men who write this drivel are the ones who are "determined to get their own way...inflexible, unbending." This sounds to me more like the way in which elders and the FDS (gag) treat the flock, and thus the flock learns by example.

    I would need about 8 hands to count on my fingers the couples I know that have divorced and remarried AS JW'S (either reproved, DF'd and then reinstated in record time, especially former elders). In my own family I have a divorced brother (twice) and a sister with a horrendous marriage, but still "good little JW's". My sister was married at 17 and I myself was married at 18. What else was there to do? I didn't want to pioneer (gag, gag), couldn't go on to college and my job situation was based on the little I picked up in school "secretarial" classes. Everyone else in my peer group were getting married, so I wanted to also. (Fortunately I got a GOOD ONE and we have been married now for 32 years...but a rare thing now even in the org. Happily married couples for 10, 20, 30 years my a**)!!!

    It's the JW power structure that itself is responsible for the horrible marriage situations in the "Christian" congregation. Grrrrrrrrrrr....I need a drink after this article.

    Good job Blondie!!! Did you know you're my hero?

    Big hug...Cathy L.

  • Shania
    Shania

    Thanks for our lesson Blondie we appreciate it. I was told my hubby and I were the only happily married couple at the hall. What a compliment huh. Any way it is going to be hard to sit through this tomorrow, but thanks to you I know the real deal.

  • xjwms
    xjwms

    Thank you ... Blondie ... Thank you

  • Bonnie_Clyde
    Bonnie_Clyde

    My son and I were talking the other day about our congregation. We figured out about half have been divorced, and most of the rest of them are somewhat unhappy or very unhappy. We decided that there are three couples who actually appear to be happy--one of them my son and his wife and he says it's mostly because they are seldom at meetings.

  • Honesty
    Honesty

    Thankyou Blondie for the real meaning behind all this fluff.

    One thing that hit hard when I read it was:

    BTW did you know that elders yell at each other in the elders meetings; I guess that falls under the term freeness of speech.

    It means that Jesus is nowhere to be found around these power hungry tyrants.

  • La Capra
    La Capra

    I never have anything to add to Blondie's wonderful comments you will never hear. But this time I do, and (if I do say so myself), I believe it is additive. As no-fault divorce eventually spread as a legal reason to divorce (irreconcilable differences), the divorce rate began to rise. Before no-fault, marriages weren't dissolved without other legal reasons. Other countries that once restricted divorces have begun to allow no-fault through the last several decades. This is one of the largest reasons the divorce rate increased about 30 years ago. But the answer (of course) from WTBS would be that only in the "last days" (critical times, hard to deal with...) would governments allow such easy divorces. I would say that no-fault divorce certainly makes a critical situation a lot easier to deal with. It wouldn't surprise me to hear that before no-fault divorce, more than half the marriages were loveless, sexless, and generally "bad." There was just no easy way out. Shoshana

  • Flash
    Flash

    My personal favorites.

    Enter into that relationship prematurely

    How many of us know of JWs that get married when they are barely 18 because they can?t imagine going without sex another minute, or can?t wait to escape the control of their parents, or want to have a baby, or that if they wait too long, the last eligible brother will be snapped up?

    How many of us know of JW parents that push their children into early marriages thinking it will protect their children from being DF?d for fornication?

    Do not take the time to get to know each other

    How do they ever find time to get to know each other when someone has to be with them, chaperone them every second of they are together?

    Jacob, work for his prospective father-in-law for seven years

    Is the WTS suggesting 7 year long engagements or dating periods?

    Based on love, not merely physical attraction

    Right and the geeky brothers that I see with trophy wives were interested in their spiritual qualifications? But the wives were interested in their spiritual status in the congregation because women have none.

    Thanks for another excellant review Blondie!

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