by devinsmom 35 Replies latest social relationships
Ok, so I allways thought that dating someone who used to be a witless would be cool , since you would both kinda know what the other had been through in his/her life.
So my question is: How many of you date/have dated ex-witnesses, why or why not and does the relationship benifit from it...and just your ideas about it in general.
-April
I used to think it could be cool, too. Then, at my very first xjw-meetup, I met my very first apostates face-to-face. They were a married couple; he'd left the troof, and a year or so later she followed him. Even though they are both wonderful people, and he's obviously in love with her, they both told me that the whole concept of "womanly subjection to the husbandly owner" was a hard thing to shake. To this day, I guess he has difficulty seeing women as equals. This has caused difficulties, as she is exploring the idea of being on equal footing with him now that they're not witnesses. So, I'm wondering how stable a relationship can be, if both partners have been screwed up with weird religious doctrines. I'm sure that it can work, but I think it would present a unique set of challenges.
ahhh ummm *coff,coff*......
I hate to say this but when I first came to this forum I only went into chat and barely posted. I read a lot of the posts don't get me wrong but at the time I had told myself that no way would I ever get involved with an X-JW especially an Apostate! In my mind nothing could be worse!
I had dated a few other guys with different religious backgrounds, one who's religion was way worse than the JW's and he was very repressed.
*coff,coff*
I met my now husband here on JWD, yes in chat......our love story is waaaaaay back there in the archives of JWD. For us it has been wonderful and yes it does help to have a common background as I guess it would for most relationships.
It's a jungle out there, lol
Kate
......our love story is waaaaaay back there in the archives of JWD.
Kate - want to post the link ? else it take weeks to find it myself
No better story then a love story.......
Go Kate!
While I can't date right now (don't think my husband would appreciate it.. hehehhe).. if I *was* single, I'd only date an X-Dubbie if he was about as "out" as I am. I couldn't hang with someone who was freshly out, because the wounds would be too new, and I'm already battle scarred, and not wanting to re-live the whole thing again. I'd also have to pick someone, as I would in the "out" world, that was my best friend.
My own experiences with ex-dubbie dudes, fresh out, is that the majority of them need a lot of time to get socialized and have a few years under their belts of that wonderful worldliness. Same with the gals, I suppose. Like Insomniac posted, old habits die hard. Another thing that I've noticed is that when a lot of Dubs get out, they are like a spring that has just sprung after years of being compressed, and they need time to get re-aligned with living. SMILE. More power to 'em.
CG
Yes, I agree with Insomniac & CountryGirl. My non-x-dub hubby has been great because he just thinks everything in life is 'normal', doesn't have any hang-ups, and had already had sex before he met me (omigod)!!
(not to get too personal ...)
I dunno ... kinda like country Girl said, I think my wife would be mega-pisst if I started dating right now. :-P
But having said that, I can recall meeting only one ex-dub in the 20+ years between the time I bailed out and the time I found this board. We're a small group!
If I was suddenly single again, I'd rather just date women in general and identify one whose goals and philosophies were close to mine ... regardless of which religion she grew up with.
Country_Woman:
......our love story is waaaaaay back there in the archives of JWD.Kate - want to post the link ? else it take weeks to find it myself
No better story then a love story.......
The beginning:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/36111/1.ashx
Our first meeting:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/36716/1.ashx
Our engagement:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/38712/1.ashx
Wedding thread:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/44209/1.ashx
Haha! Well you asked.......enjoy! It was fun looking back and I still feel so in love, even moreso!
Kate
Hey April, I've been thinking about this recently too. There's an ex-jw girl that I like and she definitely likes me and has since she was about 10 and we were in the same cong. She got married quite young at 19 and she never really loved her husband and they divorced about 3 years ago. I hadn't seen her for years but I met her about 6 months ago and we had a good chat and we really got on cos we're from similar backgrounds.
The meeting between us was kinda set up by my parents and her parents as they would like to see us together. I haven't taken it any further as both my family and her family are all JW's and I could forsee pressure from both sides to go back to dubland. She isn't a total ex-jw either and usually goes to assemblies, memorials etc and is just disillusioned with what happened to her and how her ex-husband's family treat her. Another question was why I didn't think enough of her when we were teenagers to ask her out then and is she really the one for me now. Mind you I was backwards in coming forwards when I was a teen and girls were a bit of a puzzle for me. Anyhoo last I heard she had gone to the last assembly and had been asked out by one of her ex-husband's friends, who she doesn't like either but they're both faders so I suppose she saw they had something in common. I know if I asked her out she'd say yes and drop the other guy but I'm not sure.
I'm not sure what the moral to this story is.. carpe diem? ...or just make a clean break and date a 'worldling'?
I dunno, I'm confuzzled about dating after dubland. My advice is don't take my advice, if I had any to give.. which I don't.. so don't take any notice of this bit either
I do think it could work though for 2 ex-dubs who know the truth about the 'truth' and that being ex-jw's would be a bonus rather than a detriment to the relationship. All the best DM, any guy whether ex-dub or otherwise would be lucky to have ya
