Elders Starting To Poke Around... Advice?

by Garrett 18 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Garrett

  Hi everyone,

  As many of you know, I've been out of the organization for about a month now. The elders haven't shown an interest in my absence until now. Today, I have received phone calls from two elders as well as a friend. I've chosen to ignore their calls, but I will admit that it's making me anxious :/ I actually was hoping that they would completely forget about me.

  I was wondering if you guys had any advice for me or tips? I plan on continually ignoring their attempts to contact me and just vanish as that's what my entire plan was from the start.
• 

  Jonathan Drake

  So far I just ignore them. There's been two people I've had to say something to and I usually day this:

  
  

  "I have serious disagreements with some things that have taken place recently, as well as scriptural discrepancies I have found in my personal study. If you wish to discuss them I am willing, but I will not argue and I am not interested in being called an apostate- so unless you are interested in a real open minded discussion I will be keeping my feelings and findings to myself."

  so far this has worked. I would be selective of the personality you say this to if you choose to use it.
• 

  Oubliette

  I understand it would make you anxious as you've been trained for as long as you've been a JW to obey the elders.

  I would continue to just ignore it as much as possible. If you can't avoid them you can politely tell them something like, "Thanks for your concern. I'm dealing with some personal issues right now. I just need some time ..."

  Essentially, you're telling them to mind their own business, albeit politely.

  Be firm.

  You might find this thread helpful:

  Relationship Issues: Boundaries, Freedom of Choice and Codependency

  
  

  
  
• 

  Village Idiot

  Garrett, do you have any family that are still in? That might perhaps affect you and your plans.

  If you choose to talk to them or they come to your door I suggest that you simply tell them that you are extremely depressed and that is why you haven't gone to the meetings. Switching congregations might also be a good idea; you can then fade, slowly, from that congregation and you probably won't be missed.
• 

  Giordano

  If your looking to fade then the less you say the better.. You can infer that your plate is full right now or your dealing with some personal issues and you'll let them know if you need some help.

  It's always 'thanks for asking I appreciate your interest' and.....that's it.
• 

  ToesUp

  Garrett,

  We were ignored before we left then some elders and family started poking around.

  Ignore them. Don't answer the door or return their calls. If you happen upon one of them tell them you are doing fine and if you need them you know where to find them.  Use the sick, depressed or busy work schedule excuses. NEVER tell them how you really feel. They WILL hang you. They can't hang you if you give them nothing to hang you with. This is how we have played it. Don't worry they will forget about you soon enough. Play the game your way and don't allow them to bully or abuse you. You ARE in control.

  You are in a fortunate situation, you have no family in.

   
• 

  whathappened

  Do not talk to ANYONE!  You owe no one an explanation, it is you life and your choice.
• 

  millie210

  Figure out where you want to end up and work your way backward.

  If you want a nice peaceful fade, dont say anything!

  Just use the "sick" "busy" or "work" card!

  Moving to another Hall is a great idea. I am considering that myself in my fade right now. I am thinking at this time that I will leave my cards where they are and just attend a few meetings at the other Hall here and there. 

  Usually, once the C.O. comes and goes they wont bother you for 6 months until his next visit looms and they are prepping their records.
• 

  Garrett

  @Villiage Idiot, I don't have anyone in which is why I chose to just disappear. I have been missing meetings regularly for the past 6 months, so that was probably an unofficial fade, but it's now permament.

  @oubliette Yeah you're right :/ Thank you for the tip and article, though, it helps :D

  @Toesup thatnks for your personal experience, I'm definitely going to take your route and just keep ignoring :)

  @all thank you to all those that have answered so far, you've really helped me remember that I'm my own person and that I don't have to answer to them. I think to myself, they aren't governmental authorities, thus I don't really have any reason to be obliged to speak or explain myself to them. they are just men after all :)

  Thanks guys! This website and you guys have really proven to be a great help!
• 

  Pistoff

  Don't go to meetings, don't answer calls or texts, don't return messages.

  If you have to talk to anyone, only say that you are tired out or discouraged, that is the ONLY thing that works, any mention of doubts, research, disagreeing, etc, will get you in trouble.