Have you conquered the indoctrination?

by Frog 33 Replies latest jw friends

Thegoodgirl

When I was leaving (after several years of stressful doubting), I told my mom and sort of myself, that I'm just going to "try out" not going to meetings because I wanted to only go for myself not out of habit. I about 25% wasn't sure if I may go back, 75% ready to flee. Within a few months, I saw that the world did not fall apart when I stopped going to meetings, and the world still made total sense even if there were no god. Wow. That was freeing.
But still, I was raised a JW since 2 years old, and left at 21, so really it is a part of who I am to the core, and it's hard to totally reject yourself. I still feel like "everyone deserves a chance" like the Witnesses taught us, and I think the field service made up who I am professionally (I'm a nurse, but when I introduce myself to a patient, I always feel I"m knocking at the door of a "potential sheep", you know?)
Also, I still can't help it: if I'm scarred in a dark house at night or am just getting home fumbling to find the light switch, I find myself mumbling "Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah" to keep me safe.
love2Bworldly

Hi Frog. I was baptised at 13, got disfellowshipped at 21, reinstated at 24, then slowly faded shortly after that. I am now 42--it has taken me years to feel at peace and know that they are a man-made cult. Personally I suffer from depression, which I did not realize that's what was part of my problem since I was a small child. So the JW thing of never being good enough really messed me up. I currently am on meds and doing much better and feeling more like a normal person.
I do want to share something that really helped me. About 8 years ago I started dabbling in different churches and different belief systems. I read a couple books by Catherine Ponder on Prosperity and for a while attended Christ Unity Church which is non-denominational. I don't feel that God uses a specific church, I feel God uses many methods for people to have a relationship with him and have their spiritual needs filled. I take everything with a grain of salt, and try not to take anything too seriously. Though I enjoy reading the Prosperity books--I don't take everything the author teaches seriously because it is a little over the top sometimes. But I really enjoy the scriptures she uses in the Bible that have a positive message for our well-being, and a lot of what the books teaches is that rather than being stuck in a 'fate' related existence--we have so much power to change our life and make it better. The book actually help me with my depression issues which were made worse by the JWs.
Anyway, didn't mean to ramble on, but it does take a while to really feel free from the bonds of the JWs. I am lucky because the only family member who is a JW is my sister. I do miss my best friend JW that I spent all my teenage years with, the other people were not really my friends. I have 3 children that I absolutely adore, and I am doing everything I can to keep them from ever being involved in a cult by teaching them what I went through. So my kids and my new husband are my world. You are still young and will hopefully one day have a family of your own, which will fill some of the void you are feeling now.
new boy

Your mind is an amazing thing!
There is no one formula on deprograming. A great movie that talks about "rewiring yourself" is "What the beep do we know?"
I spent 52 years in that thought pattern, I'm 98% free of it now after 3 1/2 years. I'm still wotking on changing some old circuits.
One thing I've learned from it all, is that you can take a baby and make him believe ANYTHING!!! To the point of wiring himself to T.N.T walking in to a cafe, and killing everyone for God!
NB
Dogpatch

I have some helpful files up at:
http://www.freeminds.org/psych/psych.htm
1984 and Big Mother (Orwell revisited)
A Psychoanalytic Look at Recovered Memories, Therapists, Cult
Absolute Certainty and the True Believer NEW Leaders and Undue Influence NEW
Active Force Behind the Watchtower; Holy Spirit or Deceptive Spirits?Apocalypse, Lure of the
Are Jehovah's Witnesses good parents?Are you happy now since leaving the WT?Armageddon Syndrome Baloney detection kit "Occam's razor"
Bergman, Dr. Jerry: A Response to "Witness United" critique
Bergman, Response to "Witness United" critique part 2 Children: The Introduction Of Phobias (Deep Rooted Fears) And Other Development Traits In The Jehovah Witness Child Choosing A Therapist (Guide for ex-JWs)Classic Rutherford propaganda from 1943
College Education Ban Now "Old Light"Coming Out of the Watchtower: Why Is It So Difficult?
Comparing the "One True" Churches NEWConfronting Witness Relatives Critical Reading and Thinking Skills Cults: Do They Follow the Same Patterns?
Dating and Singles sites for JWs NEWDeprogramming and Exit-Counseling Disfellowshipping and Simon Says: Shun Your Family Distinguishing Information from Misinformation Divorce My Jehovah's Witness Mate?Eight Marks of A Mind Control Cult Families Broken Apart by Jehovah's Witnesses: Can They Be Restored?Family Connection: When A Cult May Not Be Your Worst Enemy (family involvement)Father Images in Cults From Deprogramming to Strategic Interaction (S. Hassan)
Governing Body as evil rulers causing death Growing Up Within the Watchtower: How Parents Are Taught to Influence Their Children Hitchhiker's Guide to Jehovah's Witness Types How I helped my family leave Jehovah's Witnesses How Do You Feel After Leaving the Watchtower? (survey)
How to be Successful in Christian Ministry to JWs How to React if your Child is Studying with the Witnesses
How the Governing Body Feeds Their Sheep (study in manipulation)
How Thought Reform Works (Dr. Margaret Singer)
How to Start an Ex-JW Support Group
How To Tell Your Children You Have Been In A Cult Indoctrination: A Psychological and Sociological Examination Influence: Ethics of Influence; Education versus Cult
Invincible Delusion by Gary Busselman
Joining the Club (how cults are like clubs)JWS: A Threat to the Social Family Fabric
JWs and the Theocratic Subversion of Ethnicity Language and Identity at the Kingdom Hall LIES My Mother Told Me LIFE After Leaving the Watchtower
Losing Fear and Guilt with HUMOR NEW Love of Structure or Love of God Mind Control or Brainwashing? and Fear of Apostasy Mind Control: A Response to Critics Miseducation of Jehovah's Witnesses
A Mom's Disassociation Letter after 40 years in the Watchtower Myths and Facts About Cult Involvement Opening the Closed Mind: How to Talk to JWs Punishment Vibe: Use of psychological punishment in controlling cult members Questions to Ask BEFORE You Join a Group Quotes From the Watchtower On Psychiatry
Rage: The BOMB
RAPE: Watchtower Society's response to members being raped
Reflections on Marriage and Children after the Cult by Lorna Goldberg, M.S.W. NEW Shunning: A Part of the Faith of Jehovah's Witnesses Shunning: A One-Legged Stool Study of Persuasion Techniques Used By The Watchtower (N. Beel)
Subliminal art in the Watchtower publications NEW
Suicides in Nova Scotia Support Groups, Starting and Maintaining (Christian Perspective)
Support Groups, How To Start - Therapist's Perspective)Support Groups, Tips for
Survey taken in 1991 among former Jehovah's Witnesses
Theocratic War Strategy: Why Jehovah's Witnesses Lie In Court Theocratic Warfare Doctrine by Dr. Jerry Bergman Therapists who work with Witnesses and ex-Witnesses They Stole My Daughter Away! Understanding Watchtower Phobias: How and Why the Watchtower Uses Fear to Control Its Members UNITY: Why Only the Cults Seem to Achieve It Visual Rhetoric of Jehovah's Witness Iconography Watchtower Teaches Youngsters To Give False Testimony in Court What To Say When Cults Boast of their Unity When Prophecies Fail (study of cognitive dissonance)Why did you leave the Watchtower? (survey)Why Some Can't Leave the Watchtower and Why Disfellowshiped Persons Often Defend the Watchtower Women Who Are Leaving Jehovah's Witnesses Women Who Must Recover Years Lost in the Watchtower
Randy
freedom96

I faded away, and then learned the truth behind the WTS.
It took some time to realize that what they taught wasn't the truth. When that happened, I felt free.
alw

Frog
An interesting read - having only just (about a year) left the routine meetings and rounds of talks I suppose life is good so it can only get better. I feel duped - always thinking one day I'll see loved ones resurrected, i'll be able to learn skills in the 'new system' that would perhaps take years in this -all the flaws I have will somehow be rectified when I'm perfect. Dream on!!! We would all love to be in a world like that but unfortunately we are dreaming - those are the hard parts for me. I still believe in the Bible but as to promises - I don't know. As time goes by - spiritually speaking - my trust may return in a loving God.
Living life and filling it with meaningful activities and love of family will eventually rid us of the demons and indoctrination of the WT. Thinking of you - your adopted mum alw x
swiftbreeze

I left also to be with the person i loved. We have known each other since childhood. But i decided not to marry him but to marry a Jw because thats the way i was raised. I had always wondered what life would have been like if i would have just followed my heart. years later we met up and i just couldnt walk away again. I was happy with him, it felt right, I couldnt deny that. He also opened my eyes to alot of things.
When i started talking to him about the JW's hoping that he would accept it and maybe become one also. He started pointing out things to me. I was afraid of being disfellowshipped and concerned as to what the elders would do or say and he told me how crazy that was. I came to this board and well the rest is history....but i often find myself reverting back to my old way of thinking and believing and i have to remind myself about the things that i have learned.
Terry

I am very ashamed to report that it took me over ten years to rid myself of JW thinking!
Why?
Because it gave me a superior position in the universe to think I knew how everything worked in the grand scheme of things.
It put the universe into a bite sized morself and removed mystery.
It relieved me of the burden of questing for answers to difficult questions.
Certainty (and especially absolute certainty) is the highest high you can feel.
To give up certainty is scary as hell. To admit your map doesn't fit the landscape is scary. To start all over from scratch is scary. To admit you wasted the best years of your life while insisting your were right requires total honesty and humility.
And too, there are traps!
The biggest landmine upon leaving the JW organization is the craving for another big absolute to replace the absolute-sized hole in the middle of every day!
Jumping into another belief system fills that hole. But, it does nothing to improve one's grasp upon reality. It just makes the hunger go away and lets the certainty flood back in and utter belief allows you to relax your grip on the wheel.
Being a thinking and reasoning human being is damned hard work. To be responsible for your own life and decisions is an awe-inspiring and daunting challenge. To surrender one's will to others and pretend that whoever "they" are THEY KNOW and I DON'T, always leads to lazy incapacity to deal with life.
Yes, it took me over ten years to rid myself of pure lazy reliance on some concocted variation of JW-think.
I had to study the actual history of religion; its movers and shakers, its thinkers and writers and its heavy-hitter players. I had to give myself the reality based tools to actually SEE the manipulations before I could admit the bottle this medicine came in had not been tamper proof.
Start to finish it is imaginary.
My life is real now. There is no room for the imaginary parading as the real. What guides my life? Me. I allow myself to view facts from many sides before I make a commitment. And...importantly: I allow myself to admit when I am wrong and I change to fit the facts.
Being a believing Jehovah's Witness is like being a stopped clock. You'll be right twice a day no matter what; but, conversely, you'll be wrong all the rest of the time.
Terry
Amazing1914

Hi Frog,
Changing from a JW into a normal person depends on a number of things. It has a lot to do with why we leave the religion, how long we were JWs, when we became JWs, our world view of God, and society in general. It also has to do with our individual personalities, emotions, guilt mechanisms, willingness to deal with the issue, and the impact on our relatives and friends.
I got involved with the JWs when I was 17, became a JW when I was 19, walked away thirteen years ago when I was 42 years old. I was finally disassociated ten years ago. At first I was very active in a local church, and in helping people leave the JW religion. Then, I got sick of it all, and didn't discuss religion, pray or read the Bible for three years.
Then, the Internet emerged and I soon found the H20 board, followed by E20, J20, Newlight, JWD, etc. To my surprise, I still had many issues to address, including the most important: Helping to identify and bring JW molesters and the Watchtower Society to justice. In the last year I have gradually slowed down posting ... and now I am so busy having a normal life, going back to college, etc. that I hardly think about JWs unless I am on this forum.
While it has been thirteen years since I left the religion, I don't think that I could have shortened the process much ... well, maybe somewhat shorter if I had been able to get on the Internet sooner. During these last years, I have learned a lot, but also had the satisfaction of helping others to leave and move forward sooner than they might otherwise.
One therapist told me that leaving the JWs is much like getting a divorce ... it takes about the same time to get over the previous marriage and move forward with one's life. He had in mind three to five years to work through the process. So, in my case, I used a few extra years ... but that is okay.
Jim Whitney
PS: I see that "Dogpatch" Randy Watters posted a great list of resources. I am the author of the article on http://www.freeminds.org/psych/exithelp.htm . Also, you may want to read my exit series, the Amazing story of Jay Walter: http://www.exjws.net/pioneers/partintro.htm
greendawn

I was with the JWs for almost eight years 1979-1987 then I gave in my letter of resignation explaining what I didn't like in there, but I had spent quite a few years fading away. Took some time to crash their influence destroying their dogmas one by one and got rid of most of it in 3 or 4 years, had job, good car,girlfriend and everything. Then in 1995 went on the internet and that cleared away most of the remaining poison as I found so many revealing articles on their true nature. The best way is to sit down and study comprehensively their history and beliefs, in depth over weeks and months and that will help the most. Things will not register at first but they will in time as you continue the in depth study on the details. E.g. when you see that Russell positively was into the occult(employing Enochian magic, spiritistic mediums, masonic insignia and buzz words, pyramidology) and most likely a free mason, something sooner or later clicks you realise this sect has occult satanic roots and it is very likely a masonic creation. No doubt Russell was dishonest, mixing the demons with the Christ. Would a catholic priest or protestant pastor engage in such activities promoting the books of spititistic mediums etc? You eventually get the whole picture. I also suppose working together with other people on this rather than in isolation, helps a lot. In the end none of the dogmas they produced are any good, and the only good things they have are whatever they borrowed from other christian religions.

Have you conquered the indoctrination?

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