I hate living with effing psycho parents

by tsunami_rid3r 41 Replies latest jw friends

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  Balsam

  Sorry my dear Young Man,

  It is terrible to have a Mom who is a rabid JW, and a Dad who is scared of her. Let your Mom know it is child abuse to be hitting you with a broom, and if she doen't watch out she might end up in jail for it. You haven't long before your 18. You can get student loans so you can go to college and work part time. Do you have a job yet? Just ignore your parents ranting, go to the prom anyway. Let your parents know they can't by law kick you out of the house because your not 18 and they both can go to jail if they do. If they say they will kick you out at 18 then let them know you will make a public spectical of them with the newpapers for kicking you out of the house for wanting to get a college education because they are Jehovah's Witnesses. You will go to college and they will support you doing so or people will know how insane they are. Warfare is fair if they are trying to stop you.

  Balsam
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  Sparkplug

  tsunami_rid3r- there is nothing like doing it on your own to make you stronger. I think you will actually be shocked at what you can do. There are people who work a job and put themselves through college
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  candidlynuts

  one argument you could use is.

  your almost 18 how do they expect you to be a man and take on adult responsibilities if they wont even trust you to decide on your own hairstyle. tell THEM to grow up.
• 

  Scully

  he also said the elders said my hair is going out of style.

  Since when did the elders have a clue about what is a "stylish" haircut??

  One of the skills you're learning right now is how to exercise independence. Your parents are curtailing your efforts, and you're rebelling against your parents' efforts to curtail your independence. The other skill you're learning at this point in your life, is to choose what is most important and valuable to you and to behave in a way that allows you to get what you value most. If you want a certain hairstyle and you want to go to the prom or to college, but your parents won't let you go to the prom or to college if you don't wear your hair in a way that's acceptable to them... guess what the smart choice is? Once you've graduated from college and can afford to move out on your own, you can have your hair any way you please and your parents will not be able to do anything about it.

  If you want to go to college and you aren't sure if your parents will support that financially, apply for every scholarship available to you. You seem like a really bright young man, and I'm sure there are colleges who have some funds for you to get you through college. Or you could write to Dr. Phil and tell him that you want to go to college and your "psycho cult member parents" are putting obstacles in your way and you need his help to get them to let you go to college. There's nothing like being in Dr. Phil's "hot seat" to make some people smarten up.

  Also remember that while you are living with your parents, how you behave and appear reflects on them. They may be getting some pressure from the Elders about your appearance, and your dad may be receiving some coercive messages that he could lose his privileges in the congregation if your appearance suggests that you are rebellious. At least if you cooperate with them, you'll have a better chance of getting the things you really want, because the elders won't be in their face and make them feel that they have to deal harshly with you.

  By the way, why aren't you using your crizlee account? Duplicate accounts are a no-no. Let me or another Forum Assistant know which one you want to keep.
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  Aude_Sapere

  I want to go to college and I don't have the money. I need them.

  They get to set the rules. Their House; Their Rules. In the big scheme of life, a haircut is really not such a big thing. It will probably be a continual battle of wills at your home as long as you are trying to grow up independent of the organization and your parents are trying to maintain their witness image. Do you have friends or family that you can rent a room from? Many people work while attending school full-time. It may not seem fair but that would be a sure way for you to wear your hair the way you want.

  I could use good points to argue with right now.

  Arguing with raging people will just make you crazy. Rather than point fingers and make accusations I firmly believe that your energy would be better spent focusing on those things that you can do to gain financial independence from them. Beatings with a broom handle are wrong and probably illegal where you are. Balsam made some good points there. Once you turn 18, I don't think they have any legal right to support you (I could be wrong here). They may have a moral obligation to provide for further education but this is not law and you cannot force them to. If they provide any educational support, you are probably in the minority of all witness kids. If you are that unhappy at home, and so close to 18, It's probably time to start exploring your options and start making plans to move out when you finish high school. Talk to a counselor at school and learn what options you have when parents are not willing to provide support. Gather information. Make a list of your options. Make notes of pros and cons. Then you start taking action for creating the life you want. We've probably not given you the ammunition you were hoping for. But between all of us, there is good advise for you to consider. Keep coming back. 16/17/18 years old is a tough time. It will probably get a little worse for you before it gets better. But it WILL get better. You just need to be smart about it, be responsible, and pick your battles. -Aude.
• 

  Frog

  hey matey, your family life sounds just as disfunctional as mine was as a kid from a jw family...but believe me all this will come to pass, it's not been that many years since I moved out of home, but it all seems a distant memory now. I know it's easy to bag your ol' mum, but remember at the heart of it even if her own slightly twisted way she only wants what is best for you. If you show your mum that you're a strong individual who know's what is best for himself, then she will develop some respect in your right to make your own decisions. There's no need to feel like you need to rebel against every small thing, it's not worth it in the long run. As for college you should work on trying to get yourself through college if you can, and ask your dad for some assistance whenever he can provide it. You will feel so much more empowered if you can take responsibility for your own life.

  Remember at the heart of it your mum loves you, you will start to appreciate this more in 5 or so years froglett
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  EvilForce

  Well I can relate to the whole haircut thing....it's just plain stupid. Ask them where in the bible Jesus talked about hair length?
  
  But I can't believe they are going to let you go to prom. THIS WAS A HUGE NO NO in my congo when I was in High School. Anyone who goes to prom automatically fornicates therefore you cannot go.
  
  My parents gave me NOTHING for college....nor would sign any student loan crap. So I worked and paid my way thru school. It was hard and it sucked but don't think you can't do it. So if they are going to pay your way thru school...think of getting a haircut as "services rended" to get the cash.
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  love11

  Just a few more days till 18!

  Unless you have the funds to be getting your own apartment, I would say to tread softly.

  Legally your on your own at 18. Save all of your money because you may need it.
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  the_classicist

  Why don't you fight back with the bible?

  1 Timothy 2:12-15: I permit no womanto teach or to have authority over a man;she is to keep silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing, provided they continue in faith and love and holiness, with modesty.

  Or you could try the stuff in Ephesians.

  Or you could try suing them. A court case in Canada just forced a doctor to pay his daughter's was through medical school.
• 

  rebel8

  tsunami--sorry to hear what you're going through.

  When I was your age (doncha hate it when people say that--blech), I was in a similar situation. My mother was the de facto head of household and boss of me. She was a control freak and was physically abusive as well. (Didn't stop the physical abuse until I held her hands back and said "never again"--on my high school graduation day!)

  I too thought I needed my parents in order to attend college. I ended up leaving my mother's house at 19 with little $ and the clothes on my back.

  Here's what I would do differently, if I could go back in time, FWIW:

  1. Obtain "emancipated minor" status. This means your parents legally cannot make any decisions for you, nor are they responsible for financially supporting you. (This may not be the best choice for you--only you can decide--just sharing my own experience.)
  2. Move out asap. Find a friend at high school whose parents would have been willing to let me live with them, move in with grandparents, anyone else but in my abusive mother's house. I would have reported my mother's abuse to the authorities if I had to.
  3. "Emancipated minor" status, I believe, would have allowed me to obtain a great deal more financial aid and go to college. I would have taken the college entrance exams and applied to college--wouldn't let anything stop me. (Believe me, it's harder to go back in a few years, and it put my career that many years behind everyone else's. The effects of not going to college immediately after high school are long lasting.)