We have neighbors that are J.W. and are very nice, unassuming people. They are friendly but don't go out of their way to establish any friendships in the neighborhood. They have 3 boys who are the same ages as a lot of kids on the street but they seldom play with the other kids. I expressed an interest at one time in JW (not to convert but just out of sheer ignorance) and wanted more information. Everything they told me seemed good but I just couldn't knock the feeling that something was "wrong". They continue to bring me literature to read, but never force the issue. Will they always just be distantly friendly not allowing themselves to socialize with the neighbors? They like my 6 yr. old son and at times allow their sons to play with him but not very often. I sometimes get upset because at school, the class will not allow birthday parties because of this family's beliefs. I want to be more vocal as I think it's highly unfair when 21 other students in the class DO celebrate birthdays, but I don't want to offend our neighbors. Any suggestions for dealing with this?
How to relate to JW neighbors
by pianolady 12 Replies latest jw friends
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rebel8
Hi pianolady, it's nice of you to be concerned about your relationship with your neighbors.
Just so you are aware, most of the people in this forum are ex-JWs who have been deeply hurt by this cult and will have very little positive things to say about JWs. That is not to say we cannot give you some good advice, though. Just wanted to be honest about our points of view.
My advice is to maintain a cordial relationship that remains as distant as possible. Getting involved with them will only encourage their continued efforts to convert you. They are not allowed to socialize with people outside their religion unless they are doing so in an attempt to convert. Be wary.
Continuing to accept the literature, in their minds, is "showing interest" in their religion. This means you are encouraging them to continue attempts to convert. Your best bet is to tell them politely you no longer wish to receive the literature or to discuss religious topics with them.
If you bring up the issue of birthdays to them directly, they will view this as "opposition" which in their belief system originates with Satan. Challenging their beliefs most likely results in strengthening their resolve to adhere to their religion's rules. However, I do recommend you address this with the school. It is ridiculous for the rest of the children to miss out on birthdays. Normally, schools just allow the JW child to go to the library (or somewhere else) during an "objectionable" event.
Please also be wary about allowing your child to play with their children unless supervised by you. Your child will eventually be exposed to teachings you do not endorse.
As I said, this is a destructive cult. Please visit the following web sites for further information:
www.jwinfo.50megs.com http://www.silentlambs.org/education/index.cfm http://www.ajwrb.org/victims/index.shtml
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Crumpet
Pianolady! I can't believe that the school doesnt do birthdays just because of these kids - I would complain. Why should the rest of the class miss out? Its wrong! When I was at school the birthday parties happened and I just sat in a corner with a book - same at Christmas, Eaaster, Mothers Day and any other festival you can think of.
However I understand it will be difficult to complain to the school of this bias without it causing problems with your neighbours who you won't want to offend perhaps. I would try and speak to the parents and ask if it is fair in their minds that this happens and drop hints in a nice way that if the media got hold of this it would draw "reproach" (and use that word - its a trigger word) on their religion, which would be a shame as they seem such a lovely family and otherwise you have no problem with their beliefs etc. Try and enlist their help before going with them to the school. They should not object to this.
As for socialising - I'm amazed your sons have been allowed to play together at all. As a child we were prevented from associating with non JW children as much as possible as your children are considered bad association and part of Satan's world which they believe is due to be destroyed and all none JWs will be killed in a battle called Armageddon. Its probably best for your kids not to get mixed up with them anyway - the only times socialising is encouraged is when the JW children can try and make their school friends accopany them to the Kingdom hall and conduct bible studies.
Anything else you want to ask please feel free.!
And welcome to the board!
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under74
Welcome to the board pianolady.
It's pretty unlikely that they will be anymore than distant unless they leave the religion. Anyone outside the religion is considered "worldly" and being friendly with worldly people is looked down upon.
As for birthdays at school...this looks like it's the teachers decision. When I was in school we went to the library when birthdays were celebrated and maybe the teacher is trying to make so that the JW kids in class aren't made to feel awkward and left out because their parents won't allow them to participate. I know you want to have your child have a good time on BDs in school but also think about the JW kids not having no real choice in the matter.
I would just take it easy. You child probably won't be in that class forever, right? And so what if you're neighbors aren't very friendly. My neighbors aren't very friendly either and I don't know what their excuse is. -
Terry
If you'll just keep uppermost in your mind that JW's are constantly assured that nobody but they themselves are anything but poop on legs.....you can kill them with kindness and a superior manner of living.
Everything they "think" they are you can embody with a brisk reality of cheerfulness, genuine helpfulness and a purposeful productivity they'll never enjoy.
Live as an example of reality. They've abandoned their own.
Terry
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inquirer
pianolady!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What's wrong with Birthdays!!!!! THESE POOR KIDS CAN'T CELEBRATE BIRTHDAYS BECAUSE OF THESE WEIRD JW'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This politically correct stuff has gone way too far!!!!!!!! I can't believe I am hearing all this racquet! -
under74
Wait. Wait. I understand it's not fair to the kids that celebrate but at the same time....you guys don't remember what it was like? The teacher is only trying to make it easier for these JW kids-that wouldn't be weird if it wasn't for their parent's religion (not to mention all the kids that don't have parents who can take time off from work to deliver cupcakes and whatnot) and I commend that teacher for it. I don't think it'll kill the ones that do celebrate birthdays to wait a couple hours.
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TheListener
Hi neighbor!
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Chia
I don't remember what it was like, only a few times did I sit outside. Most of the time I ate cake and celebrated with everyone else, I just lied about it, that's all. I know, I'm a bad girl.
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rebel8
under74, I do agree it's commendable for the teacher to try to be politically correct and considerate. I do think his/her decision to carry it out in this manner is wrong. Birthday celebrations are cultural and are opportunities to teach kids social skills. I think they are nothing but positive, and it's unfortunate this teacher doesn't know he/she is supporting a destructive cult.
The kids can certainly go to the library or elsewhere in the school. The hurt feelings experienced by the kids (and I remember those) are caused by their parents' actions, not the school's.