by boy@crossroads 11 Replies latest jw friends
Last friday night sucked big time. I just don't know whats wrong with me.
I have many worldly friends that would like to hang out with me but I just didn't feel like calling anybody up. It's like i feel that i don't belong with the witnesses or with them.
It seems all the people I have met outside the witnesses have been unambitious. I just don't feel i have much in common with them. I think there nice, all right people.
I don't know maybe its just a part of fading process !!
I kinda know how you feel, I went through that for a while.
Why don't you feel like hanging out with either
Being around worldly friends is still very taxing on my emotions. When I'm around them I feel very self-conscious, over-analyzing. Then I get pissed off at myself for being over-analytical. At the same time, there are old jw judging feelings that often bias the situation.
So on one hand, i feel it is a lot easier to hang out with witness associates. But i must admit, that even that is feeling more and more like a lost cause.
I don't know......
I have this crazy notion that worldly people know the world. I don't really understand that last sentence but its there in my mind and it controls my interactions when i'm around worldly associates.
Are worldly people just as unsure of themselves as I am?
The whole world is filled with all of us with our neurosis, self-doubt, and want to be accepted. Once you realize we are all just trying to do our best to get thru this crazy thing called life...you can be more open, honest, and caring with people :)
The whole world is filled with all of us with our neurosis, self-doubt, and want to be accepted. Once you realize we are all just trying to do our best to get thru this crazy thing called life...you can be more open, honest, and caring with people :)
Beautiful! I might add.....you may need to keep looking for friends if your wordly ones are unambitious. I have made many friends apart from the organisation who are less judgmental, more ambitious, than many witnesses I knew. They also understand your faults much better than a mind-controlled witness does. I hope your life smooths out.......don't give up. Gumby
What you are feeling is a normal part of the ex-JW healing process. It's to be expected you feel on the outside of 2 worlds, so to speak. On the one hand, the JW world is distasteful to you and you don't want to be around them unneccessarily. On the other hand, you feel a bit at odds with your "worldly" friends because your life has been so different than theirs. You will eventually get through this--your perception of "being different" will minimize (you're not as different as you think) and the actual differences will minimize as your life becomes normal.
Don't push yourself into constant socialization, but don't isolate yourself entirely either. Give yourself time to adjust.
PS-Now is a good time to come up with a different term than "worldly friends"! :)
Are worldly people just as unsure of themselves as I am?
No. 98% of them havent been subjected to the mental torture/ manipulation we have. They are happy, and enjoying themselves with out unduly focusing on the future... I don't know how old you are... but just get out of the org... leave now. Youll thank me later
PS-Now is a good time to come up with a different term than "worldly friends"! :)
Excellent advice that works for me.
It seems to me that you are still classifying everyone: worldly, in the truth, us, them. I 'went/am still going' through these feelings. I don't like being one of the 'us' class, but have been trained that the 'them' class is lower, and even less acceptable to god.
In time, I am sure that you will 'true friends' not just 'friends in the truth', and they will love and accept you just because you are YOU. Keep in mind that this is only a transition phase and it IS temporary.
'The good thing about bad things is that they don't last forever, yet the bad thing about good things is that they don't last forever.'
Best wishes!
I've never been a JW but I'll have to agree with what was said about all of us being in the same boat with self doubt and feeling out of place. I grew up in kind of an isolated environment myself, and often felt very much out of place with people I was thrust into association with. One of the factors was that I am of mixed heritage and dealt with issues relating to my ethnic identity. I grew up almost exclusively with members of one ethnicity and then moved to a new area. In this mixed society the members of the ethnicity that I grew up with did not regard me as one of their own (cause I didn't look the part), and I also could not relate to the general population very well. Anyway a lot of the issues were simply hangups I had in my head. I learned to get over them and finally adjusted. So it's not so much your group vs. the world...it just has to do with just growing and discovering more about life.
I just had a flashback to my fader days. I do remember feeling kind of lost, like being stuck between 2 worlds. What made it really hard was my undiagnosed depression issues and my dysfunctional family (who were not JW's).
I enjoy being 40ish, I would not go back to my younger days for anything.
