What happens when i'm not a JW and the person i love is????

KrissiG

This is my story... please give me some advice. I am 25 years old. I'm a single mother of a beautiful 8 year old daughter. I am Catholic, but i haven't been involved in the church since i was 10 or so. I met someone that is a Jehovahs Witness. We began a relationship and fell in love. He deceided he was going to confess the wrong he was doing to the congregation. He told me that we could not be together because of me not being a Jehovahs Witness. Immediately, i told him that i would become a witness just so him and i could be together. First let me say this, i know for a fact that this man loves me. I know that he is the "one" for me. Okay, when i told him that i would make that change for him and us, he told me that it isn't the right thing to do. He didn't want me to change my life in order to be with him and that reason alone. So i began reading and learning about Jehovahs witness and i began trying to educate myself more to see if that is something i really want for myself. After learing some things and inquiring information and doing ALOT or research, i deceided this is something i want to do for me and not just for him and i. Now my question is, he has lived his life wrong for about a year. He had sex with someone before me that he wasn't married to and he has lied to other witnesses about me. Actually he never told them about me. He said he has to get on the straight and narrow. Will he be kicked out if he confesses his wrong doings? IF he is kicked out, is he able to associate with me if i'm not a witness? Or if i am learing and trying to become a witness? If he is kicked out, he does plan on staying a witness and doing things right. If he is allowed back in, and i become a witness, are him and i able to be together and become married? I'm really confused when it comes to that. Please give me some advice or answers. Thank You.

jgnat

Is it true love if he chose his religion over you? He has already told you he has.

Will he be kicked out if he confesses his wrong doings? He might be disciplined, his priveledges temporarily removed, or disfellowshipped. A disfellowshipped person is ignored by fellow parishioners, even if he faithfully attends all metings. If he is disfellowshipped, he can humbly ask for forgiveness and be reinstated between six months and a year. (It does not sound like he wants to be on the straight and narrow so bad that he is willing to confess).

IF he is kicked out, is he able to associate with me if i'm not a witness? No. Not if he wants back in.

Or if i am learning and trying to become a witness? No. The only acceptable dating is between two Witnesses in good standing.

If he is kicked out, he does plan on staying a witness and doing things right. If he is allowed back in, and i become a witness, are him and i able to be together and become married? Yes. It is unlikely, though, that he will be allowed to get married in the kingdom hall. But he has to be willing to make that big sacrifice of a year of the congregation not talking to him.

You are considering making some huge sacrifices in order to keep this dishonest man. Is he willing to make similar sacrifices for you?

Krystal

First, KrissiG you have my sympathies. This must be difficult for you and him.

I was in the same position, except I was the witness. I broke my darlings heart more than once telling him it was over because I couldn't keep up the lie anymore. You need to understand that him LEAVING is very difficult. If he is a baptized witness which is most likely the case, if he is guilty of fornication and has hidden it from others and the elders for an extended period of time he will most likely be disfellowshipped. Again, this is not easy. (I was DF'ed when I was 17)

Will he be kicked out if he confesses his wrong doings? IF he is kicked out, is he able to associate with me if i'm not a witness?

Most likely yes, but disfellowshipping is for the unrepentant... it depends on how well he handles the Judicial Comittee that will oversee his case. Once you are DF'ed you may associate with whomever you wish. (except of course other JW's)

Or if i am learing and trying to become a witness?

If you are trying to become a witness associating with a DF'ed person will most definetly impede your progress. You will be advised not to see him anymore.

If he is kicked out, he does plan on staying a witness and doing things right. If he is allowed back in, and i become a witness, are him and i able to be together and become married?

If he is reinstated and you are a witness there is nothing stopping you.

Basically, if you are both out it is ok... if you are both in it is ok.

But what you need to consider here are your TRUE feelings about wanting to become a JW and his TRUE feelings about wanting to go back.

Does he really want to be part of an organization that tries to dictate who he can be with? And do you want to be part of an organization that is telling him not to be with you?

Think about it carefully... once you are in it is hard to leave.

PM me if you want to talk about it further!

Good Luck!

outnfree

KrissiG,

I live in Oakland County, Michigan. If you live anywhere near here, I would be happy to meet you and to introduce you to a group of ex-Jehovah's Witnesses, including an elder, who could freely answer your questions. PM me if you think this is something you'd like to do.

outnfree

prophecor

What's his motivation. He had sex with someone before you. Doesn't tell others about you. I was in the exact same position as was he. I took myself out. Confessed and was seeking excommunication. I know not what his true motives are, but if he's disinclined to be up front with those in charge as to his situation, I would question as to whether his motivation is pure or not, but that's my $#!+, I would never wish to judge entirely, someone elses motivation on account of how I personally handled a simillar situation, however....

PinTail

Sounds like to me you married a PUTZ, don't let him change you into something your not.

Shane

avishai

DON"T DO THIS TO YOUR KID!!! LOK AT THE BEST OF SECTION!! HERE!!

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/1.ashx

and especially

THe "Best of " I'm dating a JW.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/77159/1.ashx

Being raised a JW will MESS YOUR KID UP

They will be OSTRACISED IN SCHOOL, LOSE HOLIDAYS, AND BE EXPECTED TO DIE RATHER THAN HAVE LIFESAVING MEDICAL TREATMENT..

Joining this church for yourself would be fine. You have a kid. I was raised a JW. IT SUCKS!!!. Do not do this to your child.

He knew what he was doing and he compounded it by dating a single mom. What a bastard.

Lady Lee

one other thing to consider

if he confesses and gets the boot and still tries to be a JW and you decide to sudy and get baptized

you will not be allowed to talk to him or see him until his time is up (the amount of time is not a set thing and could go on for more than a year)
expect that the JW elders who know of the situation to be on your backs about whether you are seeing or talking to each other - even if it is on the phone
expect that he will be asked specific questions about his sexual activity with you - time, dates and what you did together - intimately
you will be expected to give up birthdays, holidays and even family when they celebrate these things
other JWs will be required to report to the elders if they find out you are seeing or talking to each other
even after he is reinstated your relationship with him will always be suspect

if you decide to become a JW the elders will be prying into your business to check

if you are celebrating holidays with your family or friends
if you are allowing your daughter to play with non-JW kids
if you are making sure your daughter studies the JW faith and follows it
if your daughter is hospitalized for some reason and the issue of blood arises expect the elders to show up to make sure you do not give permission for a blood transfusion

as said above read the best of series links above.

This is not a religion you can just walk away from or occassionally go to like being a Catholic. You will be expected to

go to five meetings a week on three different days.
you will be expected to knock on doors to try to get other people to study the WT material
you will be expected to force your daughter to do the above

I could go on and on but the threads say it all. Read them please

Honesty

He told me that we could not be together because of me not being a Jehovahs Witness.
He had sex with someone before me that he wasn't married to and he has lied to other witnesses about me. Actually he never told them about me. He said he has to get on the straight and narrow.

If you loved me (rhetorical) as much as you love him I wouldn't have been hiding you from my friends and family.

Doubtfully Yours

8-year old daughter. She's entered a stage in which she'll need her mother's undivided attention the most.

How about concentrating in that most important part of your life in order to help her not make the same mistakes?

DY

What happens when i'm not a JW and the person i love is????

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