I always wondered about the prohibition on beards here in the states. It seemed ridiculous. I sort of get that they weren't interested in the brothers going around looking like hippies or like they were Amish (God forbid we should be mistaken for another group, although they'd need a long beard and one of those cool hats to really look Amish), but I thought it was silly to tell grown men that if they grew facial hair, they'd not be in line for certain priviledges. I do remember hearing that it wasn't as big a deal in England.
Re talking to disfellowshipped kids: There are some that really are strict here and others that are less so. In the two congregations that I have been a part of, there have been both families that were hardline about the issue and ones that were not. The ones that did speak and associate with their DF'd kids were just careful who they allowed to know about it.