I get so angry...

by Chia 10 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Chia

  I just get so irritated. My mother always puts on this act with the elders like I'm this horrible rebellious child and she's so frustrated in trying to get me to see the error of my ways. I get so irritated with her. I saw her today out in service. She NEVER goes out in service. She claims her illness prevents it. I'm not trying to minimize her illness or be insensitive, but if she truly loved service the way she claims she does, she would be out on the days she feels well, right? But instead, she pushed me and my sisters to be the pioneers, to do what it was she couldn't do, because she just has such a love for the ministry. Every time a "crisis" happens in her life, all of a sudden she becomes more spiritual. I know I shouldn't let this get to me...I'm out of there now...but I just get so angry and frustrated.

  Does anyone ever feel this way, and if so, how do you overcome it?
• 

  talesin

  I had to realize that she was always going to want all the attention, and would garner it by being sick. Next step was to cease feeling guilty because I can see her tactics for exactly what they are, whether she is aware of it or not. Then, accept that she will always be disappointed because she cannot bend me to her will.

  After that, I felt the frustration ease. It's out of my hands, right?

  t
• 

  Farkel

  : Does anyone ever feel this way, and if so, how do you overcome it?

  I felt that way. I got out of that wacko religion. Problem solved.

  Farkel
• 

  ApagaLaLuz

  True that worked for you Farkel. Things get a bit complicated though when you're a single, female, turning in to adulthood. You're on your own for the first time with very little help. You're leaving the only world and life and people you've ever known. It can seem scary and over-whelming. Especially when at such a volatile time in your life, you want to be able to turn to your mother and family, and are pushed away instead. Chia, This will make you a MUCH stronger person, and make you wiser than those your age. I STILL deal with bitterness and anger I feel towards my mother and her Fake persona and lies. You know you're a good person. No one else can know the real you except you. And remember the Elders have absolutely NO authority over you. Take control of your own life. And take comfort in knowing that you are not the first, you wont be the last. There are plenty of us here that relate to you and understand how you're feeling.
• 

  Sith

  As hard or scary as it is, there's no substitution for just up and leaving. The longer you stay in "that wacko religion", the more of a hold it will have on you and the more it will screw up your life and your sanity. Do you slowly peel the band-aid or do you just rip it off? Your decision...either way is tough when you're leaving loved ones behind.
• 

  EvilForce

  It's NEVER an easy thing to leave. It only gets harder and harder. Leave now!
• 

  Soledad

  I was 22 when I left. my mother also put on the "act." one night she even faked a stroke!

  don't wait too much longer. I can't even imagine what my life would be like now if I had stayed.
• 

  bikerchic

  ((((((Chia))))))

  I can't say that I ever felt that way toward my Mother but then again she wasn't nor is a manipulative person.

  It does feel awful to be manipulated, used like that I can totally understand your anger and you are right to feel that way don't feel bad about it. Do something to get out of it. I find when I am pro active in directing my life I feel more accomplished.

  Like ApagaLaLuz said:

  Take control of your own life.

  You sound bright and you'll find your way. It also helps knowing others here know exactly what you are dealing with.

  Hugs!

  Kate
• 

  rebel8

  if she truly loved service the way she claims she does, she would be out on the days she feels well, right? But instead, she pushed me and my sisters to be the pioneers, to do what it was she couldn't do, because she just has such a love for the ministry.

  I your threads--reminds me of my relationship with my mom back when I left the dubs.

  Yeah, you're right about the service thing. I used to hear the line, "You shouldn't shy away from FS just because you don't feel good--look at all the sacrifices Jesus made." According to that logic then, she should be out even when she doesn't feel well.

  Let's face it, most dubs probably don't like FS and come up with elaborate excuses to avoid it. My mom forced me and my sibs to be pioneers as well, claiming she couldn't herself because she had an "unbelieving husband". Gimme a break--she didn't even have a job or little kids to care for. It was just a way to raise her social status in the kingkong hall and to obtain salvation by proxy.

  Every time a "crisis" happens in her life, all of a sudden she becomes more spiritual.

  How....transparent of her.
• 

  Chia

  That's scary Rebel. You could be my sister. My mom was in the exact same situation. My mom gained better standing in the congregation because we were pioneers, and my brother was MS(and later my sister married a Bethelite so she really felt great about herself then). It gives me a sick feeling to realize it had very little to do with wanting what was best for me.

  Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I actually am out of the house, and I haven't attended a meeting since I left the house. But these rumors and gossip get back to me, and it frustrates me. As I said before, I know I shouldn't care, but it does make me really mad, I can't help it. Hopefully soon I'll be leaving town and that will be one less thing to worry about, and I can start on my new path in life, whatever that may be.