Domestic Violence?

alamb

Has anyone ever addressed the incidence of domestic violence in Witness families? I am relatively new here and don't want to cover old ground.
Thinking back, I can name multiple examples of households in each congregation I attended where domestic violence was evident.
I have an active Protective Order against my ex. who is still active in the congregation he attends. His fellow elders don't want to know about it and warned me, "You just have to watch what cultures you marry into." (He was hispanic) "Our sisters in the Far East regularly undergo much more than you did." Another elder readily admitted to leaving bruises on his wife and "she has never gotten a Protective Order."
I asked if there was a clause in the fruits of the spirit for certain ethnicities....no answer
Just wondering.

peterstride

When I was married (to a fanatic pioneer), I was the one that should have gotten a restraining order against my wife.

Even though I was averaging 15 hours of service every month, if I came home from my full time work (to support her pioneering) and didn't go out in service with her, she would start swearing, breaking things, and on occasions, hit me with something, leaving me with bruses.

When I would grab her arms so that she couldn't hit me, she would try kicking me, or head-butting me.

Incredible.

Then, she would start telling me that she would go to the elders and tell them that I'm beating her up, because the elders always listen to crying females.

It's a good thing I had a tape recorder taping all this once. I ended up going to the elders about this, and they deleted her as a pioneer. But, this whole experience left me definately shaken & stirred.

I also realized that I didn't want to be married for the rest of my life to someone like that, and since she was a fanatically "faithfull JW"........

Peter Stride
Toronto, Canada
PS. In the congregation I was attending at that time, I knew of one other couple where the female was the aggressor, even in public. He was usually trying to keep the peace, and ended up getting the raw end of the deal.

patio34

Peterstride and alamb,

Both of your experiences are very appalling--my sympathies and I'm glad you're both out of it.

I have a situation in my family but it's non-witness-related, so I'll keep mum.

Thanks for sharing.

Pat

waiting

Hey y'all,

I know a young jw man (21) who married a jw female older than him. She's always been high strung (off the wall sometimes), he's pretty laid back.

When they first got married, for about 6 mos - she'd just physically go off on him. He finally started talking to us about it. He would be laying on the couch and say something she didn't like - she fly on him, biting, scratching, hitting all at the same time, he showed me the bruises from the bites. Mean looking.

Now, he's 6'4" and she's 5'2". All he would do is try and get away from her - period. Another time he was eating cereal, she didn't like something, grabbed his hair from behind and slammed his head into the wall. When he told me, he had tears in his eyes remembering the pain.

Another time, she kicked him hard in the stomach, when in a car in our parking lot.

I encouraged him in the usual ways - but not necessarily to go to the police. The reason? The size difference. She's also 10 years older than him. If I didn't know him well, I'd have a hard time believing the abuse. I told him to tell all her friends and family what's she doing, leave her when she acts like that - make her abuse public.

She's a very proper jw, wouldn't want to do anything to bring reproach on Jehovah's organization.

Anyway, things have gotten much better - she doesn't hit him anymore. Into the second year of marriage. Now she wants to have a baby - I told him he's crazy even to contemplate it. He says "Oh, she's not like that anymore."

Yeah, right. Till next time.

waiting

lauralisa

DENIAL

1. An assertion that something said, believed, alleged, etc. is false

2. Disbelief in the existence or reality of a thing

3. Refusal to recognize or acknowlege; a disowning or disavowal

4. An unconscous defense mechanism used to reduce anxiety by denying thoughts feelings, or facts that are consciously intolerable

5. A river in East. Africa, the longest in the world, flowing N from Lake Victoria to the mediterranean

ladonna

My sister was a woman who endured domestic violence within the WTBTS and when she approached the elders she was told that she could not divorce him and neither would they assist her unless she was beaten within an inch of her life being take.

She went and found herself a nice young man, slept with him, and got herself a scriptural divorce.

She actually ended up marrying this man and is still a JW again....but she suffered shockingly.

Ana

Some Birds Were Not Meant To Be Caged

gsark

Hey, Alamb, i am glad you and others like you are 'out of it' as well. And now here you are with us.

Life is a roller coaster. Get in, sit down, shut up and hang on!

Monica

This is a really touchy subject for me, but I will say that in the 3 halls that we were in, the elders told my mom over and over again that she would have to go before a JC if she left my abusive father and they strongly indicated most likely she'd be disfellowshipped.

She was also told not to provoke him.

We were told to never call the police.

Whenever we went to an elder's house on a night when my dad was out of control, nine times out of ten, we were sent right back home and my dad would be standing there smiling/smirking as we would walk back in. The elders just fueled my dad and it just got worse year after year after year.

One night when we went to an elder's house, the elder's wife said something like how they needed to take my mom to the hospital for her injuries and the elder said, "no, then the police would get involved".

In the many years this happened, not one elder ever asked any of us if we felt "safe". It just didn't seem to me that they cared if we were safe. They never talked to us kids about it to see how we were "affected" or give us any encouraging words.

At the very least, they should at least recognize that this happens and have "safe houses" set up for victims to allow a cool-down period.

bboyneko

My mom was abused physically for years and the rest of us emotionally (late night raids into the room, dumping the entire contents of your vloset on the floor, telling you to clean it up) One night, he made the mistake of hitting her when I was home, he usually only did stuff when he was alone with her.. I called the police and everyone was pissed at me for calling the police. My older brother defended my dad and said it was just a slip in self control. Unfortunatley he didnt get arrested because he left no physical bruises on her.

Now shes divorced from him without being dissfleowshiped only because she knew he had cheated on her before and he admitted it to the elders.

-Dan

Monica

Dan,

Are you my brother??? Your family life sounds like it was just like ours. The late night raids -- catching you off guard.

I had two older brothers, and like your family, one protected my mom and the other protected my dad (until they had a falling out).

A big thing with the elders was that my dad never actually "hit" her with his fist. The things my dad did were much worse though.

Domestic Violence?

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