Dear Everyone,
Thanks so much for the responses and support. Now I know why I am hanging around here so much...I was in need of hugs and I didn't even know it!
Quester: Thank you... and a big hug back at ya.
soylibre: You said, "remember your sister sees it like this, "if Mom really loved us she'd get reinstated so she could be with us” THAT is exactly how she feels and she has said it in just those words. soylibre, thanks so much for the support.
outnfree: You said, "Does she realize how much this hurts you? Are you able to discuss the shunning and its effects with her at all? Not the effects on mom -- whom true-believer sis thinks needs to straighten up and 'get back to Jehovah' -- but the effects on YOU, whom she loves and acknowledges?
That’s a really good question. I don't know if we have talked about how it affects me. But I think she must know because when her baby boy was born and she came to visit I asked her if I could take the baby over to Mom's house, just for a few minutes. Just so Mom could see him and hold him and meet her grandson. She said no, because that would miss the whole point, so something like that. I looked away, but she saw my tears. I asked again for her to PLEASE consider it, and my voice was shaking, but she said no. She said something like I could not understand since I'm not a JW anymore. I told her I understood PERFECTLY. And then we changed the subject. I think she knows how it affects me. But maybe not. We avoid talking about the situation. Maybe I should tell her.
voltaire: You said, very wisely, "If my views result in being DF'ed and that hurts them or ends my marriage, it will be the result of THEIR response to my actions, not my actions themselves." I hope my mom can know that and believe it in her heart and know it is true. I hope all goes well for you, voltaire. Have you thought about going inactive to avoid the whole DF thing?
troubled: You said, "Now that I've been in therapy, I can't help feeling it's psychologically damaging to do that to someone. Even if you don't agree with the choices they are making." I think you are right! I think it IS, without a doubt, psychologically damaging to be treated like you are dead by 'friends' and relatives. I think it is ABUSE.
reagan_oconnor: I believe in my head that my sister is good but her actions are evil. But sometimes my head starts to hurt! You know what I mean?
mustang: You said, “You are extending the 'olive branch' and supporting her. This actually encourages her. I'm not sure that continuing to interface with her is in the best interest of all concerned.”
This is something I think about a lot. I feel like I am 'enabling' my sister's (IMO) abuse of my mother. Especially when my sister asks how Mom is doing, etc. I feel like saying, ‘ If you want to know how your mother is doing, ask her!'
You also said, "SHE HAS THE OPTION of speaking to the mother." Yes, and she tells me that whenever I tell her she can speak to Mom. Makes me so mad...She actually uses the 'option' to choose NOT to speak to her. She says her conscience will not allow her to speak to our mother. That ‘Jah must come first!’ Barf!!!!!
And you said, "And throw that nonsense about 'we are doing this harsh action to them for their own good' out the window. All that amounts to is an excuse for inflicting some self-gratifying punishment to someone." YEP! That's RIGHT on the money there, my friend. Hey, do you know my sister??
And you said, "And, in anticipation of hearing the moral condemnation of 'you will be no better than they are', ... Such platitudes only make you the victim of dangerous people by holding you in a state of inaction."
Wow. I am thinking about that. Hummm. Still thinking…
BoozeRunner: I'm glad you stuck by her, too! This is how it should be. I can't believe it is even a question for some people.
Billygoat: (((((((((hugs!))))))))))) I wish I had faith as strong as yours. You are an inspiration. I have faith, but sometimes I forget it! Your post reminded my that God is taking care of us, and I can put my worries in His hands. You are in my prayers, too.
Bless you all,
LisaBobeesa