Same ol' Topic?

Jordynne

I've been reading through a lot of the posts and have to say, things are looking bad for me....I am looking for a bit of support with something that looks like an all too familiar topic:

Non-JW dating a JW.

My currently disfellowshiped JW is a 30 year old divorced father (3 children). We have been together for 2 years. We plan to be married. He has been attending meetings for one year (disfellowshiped for 3 years).

He is my life, my best friend, my everything and I was the same for him. He has recently made a decision to try to return to the congregation for himself and for his children. I am trying to support this decision. We have separated. We still plan to be together in the future. At this time, I have asked him not to phone me or contact me in any way. I am a basket-case and am falling apart. How long will this take? He has already made the application to go back to the church. I am worried that the elders will tell him that he can never be with me. He is not allowed to be with anyone in the congregation, his X-wife did not want the divorce. Will they tell him that?

Does anyone have any good news for me? Any information would be helpful, but try to go easy on me.......

Thanks

EvilForce

I'm sorry but I have no good news for you... so I won't say anything other than to try and move on. If you stay with this guy you will have incredible heartbreak and isolation sooner rather than later. If you get over the hump this month then next month it will be something else. Cry your heart out and move on :(

love11

If he is going back there and you two are broken up.......it sounds like he's going back for good and just trying to spare your feelings by saying that you will get back together. If he wasn't going back, I would say you have a chance. But the elders will "encourage" him to go back to his wife and children. They would frown on your relationship with him and make it near impossible for him to get reinstated if you two were still together. Heal your wounds and move on. If he decides he made the wrong decision about going back to the hall, then you have a chance. But it sounds like he's pretty dead set on it. I wish you luck and love in your life. Love

And Welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jordynne

I keep reading, over and over again my post and the replies. These words are hard to hear, hard to read.

I would probably tell myself the same thing if I was objective and my heart wasn't involved. I truly don't believe that he is telling me we will be together in the future just to save my feelings. We have both been struggling with this decision, both of us crying. This must be so hard for him to be so torn. He misses his friends and his family. His children are becoming lost and are struggling. I wish I would have married him, when I had the chance. Would it change things as far as the elders are concerned if we were married?

I reach out to you, because I have finally told him today, to do what he needs to do, and leave me alone. This is the hardest thing that I have ever done.

How long does this usually take? What is the average? Is there mostly JWs in this forum? Would they allow him back in if we were married? Would they allow him to be married again?

How is it that a group of people can follow the Bible, but judge and control others at the same time?

What would happen if I went to talk to the elders?? Would they talk to me?

More help please

tyler m

The JW's are a sick twisted cult and you don't want to get involved with them. I agree cut your losses and move on.

They will treat your boyfriend like dirt and make him sit at the back of the kingdom hall until they feel he is worthy of being reinstated. To get reinstated it can take a few months to a few years. I have been df'd 3 times and reinstated twice. It took me less than a year because of my dad. Also it depends on what you have done. If you are a child molester they will reinstate you in no time and take you out in field service. They will even be character witnesses for you in court. But if you committed fornication (like me) or adultery they want to suffer as long as possible and grovel. Without connections you can be sitting in the back for a long time. Run for your life.

love11

You really love this guy, don't you? I don't what to tell you.......

I am an ex-jw, I too once tried to go back to the hall. I was able to give it up when I saw how judgemental and cruel the elders can really be. If he goes back and is shown love- he will probably stay. Plus, there is alot more at stake here than just you and him. It's his children! With most people the bond you have to your child is so strong that you are willing to go to the ends of the earth for them. Just like some people stay married just for the kids excuse. Maybe this is that for him. As if he is willing to sacrifice his love for you, just to have his kids happy again. But rest assured, he will be miserable. I can't say if he will get back with his wife again, but everyone around him will push it. If he's smart he'll go back to you and forget this nonsense about being in a cult and hope that one day, when his children are older, they will understand. But it's very hard to lose everyone on the face of the earth that you ever knew. I'm sure he loves you, but he has lost everyone. Hopefully, this time away from you he learns that sometimes you can't go back. He wants everything to be the way it was, but happy with you and those world's don't mix.

If you really want- you can talk to the elders. But they will only get you out of the picture or try and convert you. If you are not converted, you are not acceptable. If he continues to associate with you after knowing that you don't want to be converted then he won't be looked well upon and it may hinder his getting reinstated. And whatever you do- don't tell them that you are posting on this forum. They will try to convince him that you are Satan's ploy to get him away from god and his family. Boy, I hope that helps in understanding a little bit more of what you are dealing with.

If you are married, then they would really try and convert you! I don't think you want to do that though. Let him come back to you. You know that stupid saying- if you love something let it go and if it comes back to you it's yours. If he comes to visit you just let him talk, see how he's really feeling. But if he really wants you back, he will want to move back in with you for the way that you are and not expect you to change. Like- this would be so perfect if only you were a witness.

Well- good luck with everything. Things usually turn out the way it was supposed to have happen. And just because you are broken up now doesn't mean you always will be, he may have a change of heart. But whatever he does, go on with your life and be happy. Don't let his life decisions affect your life and happiness. Remember this is a fresh cut and tomorrow you will feel a little better. Lots of Love.

Jordynne

Quick survey? Any happy JWs here? are most people here x-JWs? JW haters? Hurt by JWs?

Just wondering.

minimus

Sorry to see your pain. IF he goes back to you, he will be a conflicted man, an unhappy person. The elders will not reinstate him until they are satisfied that you are no longer in the picture. This is a reason why this is such a mind controlling cult. Please try thinking about an alternative in your life UNLESS HE changes and decides not to go back.

love11

I am an ex- jw, but I am not a jw hater. I think that you need to look into this religion more. Go to your local library and look up books on cults, you will find the jw religion in almost everyone of them. The reason this religion is considered a cult is because it controls it's followers like a communist country and more. It takes awhile to realize that because they love bomb you when you first meet them. I can't speak for everyone hear but the jw religion is very abusive. If you do something they don't like, they will take your family and friends away from you. But I think you need to look this up for yourself. Best Wishes!

wanderlustguy

Take a look at my post history. My last relationshiop self destructed for other reasons, still coming from being a part of this organization. If you are together he will have to be dishonest about it. They will pressure him to go back to his ex, and if he stays long enough, odds are they will succeed. You may have to read quite a bit of informaiton to figure out how this organization has this much control over his life.

Your only hope is to do what you are doing. Cut him off all the way, play their game back on them...because it does work. If you yell at him or try to talk him out of it he will see it as a sign he's doing the right thing.

I'm truly sorry I cannot give you more or a better answer. I can absolutely relate and am fairly sure when I say this is as hard for him as it is for you. He doubtless feels his children will have thier eyes pecked out by birds (not kidding) if he doesn't do this.

But for you, know you will be ok, you do not want to be involved in this organization, even for love. There are some things that just cost too much.

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