To me, it is beautiful to be with another not out of some sense of lack, but just because you want to be together. If that is the case, you are also free from having to be together, and I certainly would want anyone I love to have that freedom. It seems to me the best thing I can want for someone is that they are just fine as they are, standing on their own two feet. Being together can simply be a celebration of that.
Am I the only one ...
by talesin 53 Replies latest social family
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simplesally
It takes a while to form new friendships. For so long we shunned our worldly neighbors its kinda hard one day to just say, hey let's be friends. I bet a lot of neighbors wondered why one day we were JW's and then Christmas rolled around and we had lights up. I just decided to move and start over. Actually, we had 2 neighbors who completely understood and we're still friends.
But for the most part, your co-workers probably still think you are JW and maybe your neighbors. You will have to make a concerted effort to change their view of you.
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fairchild
Hi talesin,
In a nutshell, I ended up in orphanage care at age 10. This is now 32 years ago, and during this time I lost track of my entire family, I have no idea where they are. Leading a traveling life didn't help much. Anyway, that's probably as alone as it gets. I am shy and don't make friends easily. Most of the friends I had were JWs, and I haven't seen any of them since I stopped going to the meetings. Some friends!
It is more than true that alone is not a synonym for lonely. When I was a lot younger than I am now, I remember feeling very, very lonely. I remember looking at a christmas tree and thinking that I would have sold my soul to the devil if only I could have had one single christmas with a real family. The feelings of loneliness have long passed. I have not felt lonely in years, and I love being alone more than anything else. I have learned that we live here and now, and that the moments spent alone don't have to be lost.
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Banshee
talesin,
I was lonely for quite a while after I left the JWs. It was all I had ever known and I was estranged/cut off from family & friends (except a couple of disfellowshipped relatives & the one worldly friend that I would not give up no matter how much pressure from the parents!). I was in a few pretty unhealthy relationships (romantic) after I left. For a long period of time, I felt lonely constantly....even when in a crowd of people or a group of "buddies".
Later, I learned that it was OK to be alone and that I could be happy...I just had to get straightened around inside, accept myself and learn to like and maybe even love myself (I had to have a LOT of help from others in order to understand this! Slow learner!) After my bigtime relationship failures, I realized it's better to be alone than in a sick relationship with someone. A really dear friend used to say to me, "Spring, happiness is an inside job." I found out it's true. So, you got the right idea, talesin.
When I stopped looking for someone & stopped thinking I needed someone & got happy being alone....well, I bumped smack into the great guy who is my husband today. I'm up because I feel crappy (some flu bug) and I like to read or do something to get my mind off of how bad I'm feeling.
Oh, and the true, lasting friends will come, in time, if they haven't already. ((((talesin))))
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MerryMagdalene
...hmmm...being okay with oneself...
...sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not, and sometimes I'm both at once...
...so there you are...
...and here I am...
(((tal))) (((wlg))) (((everbuddy else)))
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OklaXwitness
dont worry u'll make new friends as long as you try to, the society says its impossible but they are just a bunch of manipulative psychopaths (im lucky i led a double life so i have lots of friends )
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Black Sheep
My wife is at work tonight so I have free reign of the puter.
I will admit to being a bit of a hermit and don't mind my own company. I do put this down to my upbringing. Only child of JWs, moving to where need is great = isolatated from other JW kids, moving to escape friction in congregations, WT God going to kill everyone around me so why bother to make friends etc.
I am getting better at socialising, but it does take effort to do what comes naturally to many of my friends.
Chris
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prophecor
Some of the lonliest people, are those with significant others, and whats more, even lonlier, those who are married. I wish I could have appreciated my being alone when I had the opportunity, its a state of grace that should never be taken lightly.
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talesin
Good thoughts, peeps! Thank you for being such a great sounding board and support.
This feeling I'm talking about is not the "I want a partner" one, rather one of being alone, solitary in my thoughts. Still, after all these years, feeling 'separated' from my friends and 'different'.
Perhaps it's, as Black Sheep said, growing up strict JW, and not learning how to socialize as others do. As a kid I was solemn, and still tend to take things far too literally. My friends tease me, and think it's really funny to pull my leg on a regular basis with some story or other and then say "Gotcha!" hehehe, I am such a dork!
Proph, I was thinking of you when I started this thread. Remember when you weren't feeling too great a few weeks ago, that condition I called ennui? Yes, that is how I feel some times. Just a sense of being lost at my inability to 'connect' the same way other folks can. It seems to be so easy for them.
Could I be out on Friday nite, having a date, or with a bunch of folks? Yes. Then why am I not doing that?
Perhaps I have spent too much time alone, and done too much living in my head. After writing the above questions, I realized "Yes, why not?" Time for some changes ...
tal
working-through-it klass
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bem
Well Talesin? Hows it going sugar? I have it today! that blah I spent to many hours thinking and now I'm too tired to care if I move or not. think.