Donna,
I'm a "walk away" with some quasi-JW contacts as well. You might find the following thread that I wrote a while ago interesting:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/64267/1.ashx
B.
the reasons why we leave makes a difference...
by littletree 26 Replies latest jw friends
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ivy
I am a walk away believer. Those teachings are buried deep down in me, and getting rid of them isn't just a matter of someone pointing out a few inaccuracies. It's going to take time.
My decision to leave was due to a problem with the way god behaves, not the jws. I guess you could call it a morality issue. It took me years to realize that I couldn't just go on that way, believing that god is going to strike me down at any moment. So I joined this forum, and now I am finally starting to think that just maybe the jws don't have everything correct, and just maybe, if there is a creator to this world he's not the evil force that I have so much anger against.
I don't have any friends that are exjw. My friends are all "worldly" and I have always envied them because they didn't carry around such a heavy burden. I wish I did have exjw friends who could have shared their doubts with me.
I think that Charisma's experience with the friend that subtley introduced doubts and ideas is what I would have wanted. No, you can't force your friends to change their beliefs, but you might be able to help them. -
HadEnuf
dear littletree...I personally support the "tough love" type of approach in dealing with friends (or relatives) who are still hanging onto JW teachings. Being totally upfront and honest about YOUR feelings & beliefs will actually tell you if these "friends" are indeed true friends. My husband and I found that the moment you express your doubts and feelings about the org....your friends will separate themselves from you faster than you can say "apostacy".
We are glad that we have been upfront about our beliefs about how wrong and wicked the org. really is. We lost ALL our so called friends and now have friends who will stick by your no matter WHAT YOU BELIEVE!
But you have to do what you feel in your heart to be the right thing to do. Just stay strong and don't let your friends drag you back into the muck of the JW org.
Cathy L.
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littletree
Ivy, it sure is a heavy burden. It's been a year and a half, but when I have problems or uncertainties in my relationship, I sometimes resort to feeling like maybe "they" were right, and that I'm being punished for "disobeying Jehovah". It's crazy! Even after all I've read, and all that I feel. I just wish one of them would come around and start doubting like I did. This forum has been such a help, that I imagine to be able to have these conversations face to face would be even better. Yet, I can't do that without risking being disfellowshipped. Maybe some of them secretly doubt, but I ain't gonna be the one to find out! That's why I had to slip in my real name in case in other XJWs from the Baltimore, MD area are on this forum (I've always had a problem being subtle :-) ). tinytree aka Donna
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garybuss
They're believing walkaways and believing castaways. I bet they are children of Witness parents. Converts smell the stew burning before those who were raised in the kitchen.
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JamesThomas
Dear Donna,
Are you saying that you have the sense to investigate the Jehovah's Witnesses religion and discover it is all b.s., and yet you are still in it?
Out of concern for you, I will be blunt and say that perhaps it's not your friends you should be concerned about getting through to, but rather yourself.
j
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GetBusyLiving
It's a lonely feeling to come to terms with your own personal beliefs. I left the Watchtower because for as long as I can remember I have been agnostic/athiest deep down. I have spoken to many ex dubs that are just out because they got discouraged or just simply thought they could not live up to all of the rules and expectations of the witnesses. I've even gotten shunned by some. Their situation is the saddest because it doesn't seem that they ever find any true peace. You might want to consider moving on and finding friends that have no real ties to the JW's, it'll be better for ya in the long run. Hang in.
GBL
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willyloman
I just wish one of them would come around and start doubting like I did.
Keep spending time on this forum, littletree, and you will learn that there are thousands of people just like you who have walked away after their own 'crisis of conscience.' In fact, my guess is that many, many of the people posting on this forum fall into that category.
If you are looking for someone from your small circle of dub associates to be among them, you may have to wait awhile. But the reason is not that you are the "odd" duck in the group, but rather that the membership in the JW club is so small, relative to the universe of people around us. After a time, you begin to realize that the dubs are really a tiny little speck of the humanity on the planet and that what they do, or don't do, has little or no cosmic impact at all. Thus, waiting for "reinforcements" from the Kingdom Hall is a waste of time. The vast majority of them are held captive because of peer pressure and family or business ties and won't leave, no matter what they really think or feel inside (which they carefully hide).
More dubs than you will ever know are living lives of quiet desperation down at the local Kingdom Hall, hoping 'something' will happen to justify their substantial investment in the organization, and fighting off the clarity that nothing ever will. But they're locked in a cult and, like a guest at the Hotel California, can never leave.
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littletree
JamesThomas, NO WAY am I still in it! I stopped going a year and a half ago, but I'm not disfellowshipped or disassociated. And garybuss, yup, almost all of my friends from back then were raised in it. Yes, it makes your world really small. And, GetBusyLiving, as far as getting shunned by them, I think it just happened again! A disfellowshipped girl who was at first happy to hear from me just suddenly stop replying to my messages... maybe because I mentioned the word "apostate" (to tell her that I don't like that label). Geez, I'm a sucker for punishment. Guess that's why I was a perfect JW. Thought being treated bad meant that I was doing right. willyloman: good points, and good illustration. The programming is so strong. I'm 28 years old, but I am still pleasantly shocked when I meet people who are really happy, but have never been Witnesses. My mom would say that's Satan keeping 'em happy. If it weren't for her, I would just dissasociate. She and I have always been like "peas and carrots". :-)
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talesin
I do miss my best friend
Me, too. Still.
Imagine living in the same city with yr sister/friend, she lives a double life, but won't keep contact out of fear of the b'Org. Not everything can turn out as we wish, but my friend is miserable most of the time. My life, and my spirituality, is progressing, where she is not.
I heard something really inspiring on the weekend, can I share?
You are not your past. You are not your past.
You are not all the things that have happened to you.
You are the possibility of what you can be!
t
*.. you are everything, yet nothing .. no matter the cards you have been dealt, the inner you is complete ... try googling "desiderata" for a beautiful poem about this ...