Fear of the big "A"

by Chia 41 Replies latest jw friends

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  Chia

  I went to a friend's house last night. I was talking with him about religious issues. I told him I no longer feel that the Witnesses have the truth. But I was also telling him how scared I was to bring my boyfriend to my (Witness) friend's graduation, how I'm afraid sometimes to be seen in public. He asked me why, and I told him that I wasn't quite ready to be disfellowshipped or disassociate myself. "But if they don't have the truth, and this isn't working for you, then what are you afraid of?" I told him I loved my family and I didn't want to lose them yet. He pointed out our relationship is already strained as it is. We barely talk. What would the big change be? I was about to answer, and he said, "Don't just answer. Think about it."

  So I did, and I was forced to confront a fear that I've been suppressing. The truth is, the main reason I'm afraid to get judicial action taken against me is because, I have this nagging doubt. What if they're right and I'm wrong? What if God is real and does decide to kill me? What if I am really "grieving the spirit?" What if I am disapproved? It troubles me, I must admit. When I told him this, he said, "Ah. Now we're getting somewhere." I still am not over the fear, but admitting it is a huge step. He did point out something, that, I won't know until I die, right? Why worry? Why stress? Live life. Be a good person, the best that you can be. Give back to people. If God, if he truly exists(he doesn't believe in God), and he punishes you despite being a good person, then what is the point of it all anyway, if we're all pawns in the game? These are valid points. But I know it will take more than just words to confront this big fear.

  Has anyone had a similar problem, and if so, how did you tackle it?
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  prophecor

  I still have nagging doubts as to whether or not God's alleged organization is his organization, however, as I look at the history of the witnesses, some of the deplorable things that have gone on in the name of God within the organization, how it is that so many have lost their souls and their minds, committed suicide over the disfellowshippings, not even allowed to talk to your immediate family members, it's all just a crazy, hell bent exercise in domination and control.

  I have pretty much resigned myself over to the trust that God will work things out in my life, despite my no longer being a part of his alleged organization. I look at the outworkings of my life, look at how far I've been allowed to progress and prosper, mentally and spiritually, and I just let go, and continue to let God.

  I look for grace within situations where my life hits a speed bump in the road, and often I will find it. God is in so many people, he brings some to me, others he leads me to. I'm a work in progress, and everyday, if I seek it out, I can find where it is I need to make adjustments in my life. It's a bit scarry without a regimented, clearly defined roadmap ( Organized Religion ) but I don't believe that God is that small that he will destroy a truly honest hearted person, just because you no longer believe as the rest of the herd believes.
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  luna2

  I've been living my life with "death at Armageddon" hanging over my head for the past three years or so...I still believed that the JW's had the truth or part of it or....something. However, I didn't feel like going back because I knew that God knew that my heart wasn't in it, so what was the point? The scripture about "probably" being concealed would run through my head constantly, and I was sure that just going through the motions would not be enough.

  After finally doing some research on the history of this organization, really looking at what they teach and what "fruits" they produce, I've put those fears behind me. The WTS is no more Jehovah's true organization than I am the Queen of England. The truth, the real truth, does set you free.

  I still have some work to do on getting all of their foolishness out of my brain, though. I've become an extremely passive person who is always waiting. You get so used to thinking of this life as nothing, just something you have to endure in order to move on to your "real" life in paradise. Got to learn to grab on to the life I have now and actually live it. LOL
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  zealofjehu

  this is a real fear that all of us have to overcome at some point or it will drive you nuts. i think the only thing that will help you is knowledge about the real wtbs and not image they have given us about them. the more you read and examin the more you will put to rest the doubts and fears. also make sure you have freinds who will be there for you because going thruogh the whole disfellowshipping thing is painful for many. iknow when i was df i didnt know what to do but i prayed to god to help me get over it and then about two weeks of crying i finally got up the guts to find out the truth so i searched and searched and read and read about the wtbs from outside sources and what i found out was first shocking then after carefully examining what i knew and saw i came to relize what they really are and then all doubt left. so i suggest you read freeminds and other websites like it. get all the info you can. throw away what ever you find thats misconception or halve truths and keep all that you find to be true. this knowledge will lead you to some really seriuse conclusions and then you will find peace within your self

  good luck

  zoj
• 

  iggy_the_fish

  Your friend seems pretty smart to me.

  Back in the day, when I used to believe in God, I always believed most strongly in the reasonableness of God. I mean that my mental image of God was like a very sensible, wise, calm and compassionate Grandparent, who also had the ability to understand our motivations and feelings. I could not square this with the idea of a God who would be killing basically good people (like your friend) on the basis that they'd politely declined to speak to some jws who'd called on their door one time or another.

  The whole setup seemed so deeply unfair to me. There were good, honest people that I knew who were about to be destroyed at armageddon, and the weren't really being given a chance. Put it another way, if you were God, would you save your friend? Of course you would, and so would I, and I've never even met him. It would be the sensible and reasonable thing to do, because he seems to be an alright kind of chap from what you've said.

  Aahh, but what if they're right? In the end I reasoned it out this way...

  Is God seriously expecting me to devote my life to a very weakly logically formulated religion, just in case they have the truth? I'm not expressing this very well, but I hope you see what I mean.

  To put it another way, if armageddon happens and God says to me "you should have stayed a JW, my son. The whole crappiness of the wt logic, no evidence whatsoever for 607bce etc etc was just a giant test of your faith, and yes I am going to kill a whole load of people just because they shut the door on the jws when they called", then I am going to be extremely pissed of with Him, and justifiably so, in my opinion.

  ig
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  embeth2525

  I keep reminding myself that Armageddon is a small hill in the valley of Meggido and Apocalyps ( I know I spelled that wrong!), just means to reveal. (sorry about my terrible spelling)
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  Sunspot

  For some reason Chia, I didn't hold this fear whatsoever. Once I saw the real truth about the WTS (it took me about six months from beginning to DA letter) I KNEW it was a cult and didn't care what they preached or taught.

  I held their beliefs as Gospel Truth for 30 years, but yet the proof of what they were disgusted me. I stopped fearing the "end", I stopped feeling that could never "do enough", and most of all I stopped totally in worrying about "what if they might be right". I was convinced that they were totally wrong!!!!

  The longer I have been out, the more I am positive that I made the right decision to leave, and that the "scare tactics" that had been so driven into my head (and heart) are not from God.

  It's hard enough to get up the courage to break free from this nightmare---without adding to it by even remotely thinking that "they could be right".....it's only the WTS trying to keep its hold on you mentally! Put it out of your thoughts.......they are the Antichrist and don't follow Jesus whatsoever. DON'T give them any more power over you than they have already taken!

  hugs,

  Annie
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  kls

  The BIG A is how they keep their sheep in line with fear and then have their mags full of the most horrid death sceens to scare anyone. It is all control and scare tactics, if the wt didn't have these how would they get and keep their sheep . If there is a god that wants to kill me because i don't believe or live in the ways of the wt ,then i would rather die with my own mind and sense of freewill. The wt never ever tells you that god loves you for you but that god only loves you if you believe in the wt and their teachings , now why is that
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  love2Bworldly

  I empathize with you and know exactly what you mean. For years after I faded, I had a black cloud over my head that any minute Jehovah was going to destroy me for leaving the JWs. Time and knowledge have healed me spiritually--but it didn't happen overnight. Try reading the New Testament in a different version; just read the Bible by itself with no Watchtower and no NWT and compare the teachings of Jesus to the way JW's treat people. It's been a real eye-opener for me that the Watchtower twists the scriptures, takes things out of context, and does not encourage Christ-like love to fellow humans. I recommend this even to people who don't believe in God or the Bible anymore--it really affirms in your mind how evil and cultish the WBTS is.

  I wish you much success in your spiritual journey, wherever it leads you.
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  Sunspot

  Just as an afterthought:

  Having had that deep-seated fear of the big A, when hubby studied and then didn't get baptized (never went to the KH again)---I often wondered HOW he could just walk away from the whole thing like that!

  HOW could he continue living knowing that he's gonna DIE at A? I just could not fathom it.

  NOW I know how he dealt with it

  When we left the Catholic church, we were never badgered or chased down by the parish Priest, or did we ever feel a dire fear of not going to heaven because of a disagreement with church policy.

  The WTS has its own "Mafi-type" mentality in what they teach as being from God. Not believing in the WTS lies and false teachings is a good start!

  Annie