So what are your kids like? Personal Style?

by LyinEyes 10 Replies latest jw friends

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  LyinEyes

  We had a very interesting weekend to say the least. My daughter, my neice , youngest son and friend all went to a listen to a band. I don't know what musical catagory to put the band in but alternative rock. We had to go with them because we heard there was moshing and body surfing at the concert.....and there was!!! OMG....but we kept them safe. I wont let them go back without me at the ages they are now.

  Every single kid there wore black, gothic makeup, clothes, the whole bit. The music was soooo loud and like I said it was a new experience for me and hubby. My daughter is 12 and going thru a stage. At least I hope it is a stage.....lol. She wore red and white striped stockings with black boots!!!

  My daughter is very artistic and has since the age of 2 loved her own kind of music and well,,,,,,,,many people think she is a little strange , especially for her young age. She is the one who turned me on to Ozzy Osborne when she was 3 yrs old. That was her favorite singer, no joke. She loves horror movies and would rather watch them than watch Cinderella.

  Well, I am not one to stifle self expression , as that is what was done to me as a child. I am letting her wear her funky clothes, to special places every once in awhile but most of the time I tell her to keep her outfits for when she goes somewhere special. I always tell her there is a time and a place for everything and that way she can still have some self expression with some motherly guidelines........lol.

  In our little town there seems to be such lables put on you,,,,,,which I hate. My daughter calls my oldest son a prep , because he wears American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch etc. But I know they are just lables that deep down we all are the same, I just hope that I am teaching my daughter to look beyound what you see on the outside. I tell her that she wants people to see her for what she is and that you can't judge a book by its cover. I guess that is why I want to her be herself as much as I can possibly allow. So far we agree that she can wear her different than the norm clothes ( for our small country town) as long as she stays away from drugs , no body piercings or tatoos , and no outlandish makeup at her age.

  So I guess we agree, for now,,,,,,,I don't know if the Goth , punk rock stage will last, but for now she is happy with her self expression.

  So what are your kids like? lol
• 

  HadEnuf

  My sons are IN an alternative rock band LyinEyes...but their appeal is to more of an older crowd; I'd say from upper teens way up to people in their 40's (and 50's). They're more of a band going back to rock roots in the 70's. So far I've only been to one show where there were kids your daughter's age and there was some "body slamming" or whatever you call it going on. I got a charge out of it but kept a safe distance!!

  Anyway...when we left the org...my kids were already out of their young teen years and I am sure they would have loved to express themselves as your daughter is doing when they were in jr high. Now they express a lot of x-jw angst through their music. I also encouraged my youngest son to get his ear pierced (but he was 19), took him in and paid for it! I myself have 3 tattoos and feel they are somewhat of an expression of how wonderful it is to be free to be whoever I want to be...not what the JW's wanted me to be (BORING)!

  I admire the way you are handling your daughters wish to express herself. You seem to have reached a nice compromise without smothering her need to "fit in" in the group she chooses.

  cathy l.
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  calamityjane

  Hey Lyineyes no need to worry.

  Our oldest who is now 25 started off my little girl with pretty dresses, hair done in bows, you get the picture. Then came the rebellion side of her, we were still in the borg at the time, were having a hell of time with her, she was way into the goth style, the dog collar with spikes, the whole nine yards. Now she is a grown woman, put herself through college, has a degree in food management and orders her clothes from Victoria Secrets. She's turned out to be a beautiful, responsible woman with a very responsible boyfriend.

  Our 15 year old daughter has her own flare and style, she doesn't go with the trends, she'll dress up, she'll dress down. She doesn't care what people think of her. You have to take her as she is type of attitude. Which is great, she doesn't worry about what people think of her. But she is a proscrastinator that drives xjw and me nuts! And her bedroom is another story. clothes and stuff strewn everywhere. I just have to shut the door.

  Now our son 13, is another story. Very artistic, deep thinker, problem solver. A pleasure to have around. But we do have our difficult moments with him, as he can be obsessive, probably becuase of his artistic way. I have a couple of nicknames for him, "Pig Pen" as a dark cloud can be over him, and to get him to clean up is almost impossible. The other is "Jethro" as he has grown so fast lately that he fits mens size 11 1/2 shoes and he's become big and awkward. He too doesn't care how he dresses, trends don't seem to lead this kid. He has his own way about him.

  cj

  P.S. every kid seems to be a new learning experience.
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  LyinEyes

  Thanks HadEnuf, that is comforting to hear about your daughter, I too think that my daughter will find her own place .

  I really have to say that being at the concert was not really so bad,,,,because I did enjoy seeing the kids dress like they wanted to and that everyone eles was dressed the same way....lol.

  I think it is so important to let them express themselves as long as it is not too out there. Congrats on your tats , I know alot of ex jw's who got inked and it was a very big stepping stone in letting go of JW boundaries.

  CJ,,,,,,,,my daughter used to wear the frilly dresses and bows , although she wasnt crazy about it, it was just the way to dress going to the hall. I am sure plenty of the JW's would have something to say about her clothes now, probably think that she is a devil worshipper!

  You are right each kid is a learning experience, as my three are all so different. My youngest son and his big brother had their ears pierced at the same time , but that is as far as I want them to go there....lol.
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  Mulan

  calamityjane, your comments about your daughter reminded me a little of Princess when she was small. She was our only daughter, so I started dressing her the way I always dreamed of dressing my little girl. (in the 70's) I put her in dresses with pinafores, and made most of them because we were so poor, but I was a very good seamstress and I could look at clothes in a store and duplicate them for her. By about age 4, her own personal taste kicked in and she no longer wanted that kind of clothes. Nothing frilly................only very conservative, sweaters, skirts, jumpers, jeans, t-shirts, and she dressed like a teenager. By then I had to find clothes in the teen department and copy them for a 6-8 year old, which I did and she was very happy with it too.

  She stayed a very conservative dresser, and in high school was sometimes mistaken for a teacher, because she dressed like she was in her 20's and wore high heels to school. She looked sharp, I must admit.

  Now she is a little more daring, baring her midriff and looking really good that way, if I do say so myself.

  My boys were all boring in their taste...............jeans, t-shirts, sweatshirts. Still are.
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  Princess

  Now my own daughter is very similar to how I was. Fortunately (I think) they now make the teen styles in sizes for a 6-8 year old! Zoe loved the frills (we still have a closet full of princess dresses) but now dresses like a teen. Last night at Maybes' wedding she wore a long black strappy dress and heels. She is six. She looked beautiful though. I had a dad at school ask me how I got her talking like a teenager. I told him I didn't do anything special. I have always talked to her like a person, not a baby and she responds as such. She is always asking for new music. She wants JoJo right now. No idea but will find it on Napster and check it out.

  My son only wears t-shirts with weird pictures (Yu-Gi-Oh! and other gross creatures) and pants. Not jeans. He likes the ripstop fabric and pockets. Skater shoes and he is good to go. It was tough finding something appropriate for a wedding for him. I should have planned it better and gone shopping for something plain! He's 8.

  Now she is a little more daring, baring her midriff and looking really good that way, if I do say so myself.

  Thanks. I don't have elders controlling my dress anymore so I can finally wear what I like. I'm pretty well set with a tank top and shorts/jeans/skirt. My uniform.
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  JW83

  Lyin' eyes, you sound like a great mum!!
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  doofdaddy

  My kids went a little wild after leaving jws. Being from an alternative society, dressing down rather than fashion was cool.

  As far as entertainment, I took them to bands and dance events. I ended up being the cool dad for esp my daughters friends, ferrying them around. I took my son o'seas last year and we spent a lot of time dancing together at trance parties in Asia!

  How did they end up? My daughter(22 yrs old) is a qualified nurse and has been excepted into medicine at uni. She lives with her boyfriend, a chef. My son is a clean living (finally) level headed 19 yr old who treads lightly on the earth, working in forest regeneration.

  I have been working as a youth worker for over 10 yrs and I can tell you, showing unconditional love and being a positive role model for teens has far more power than any words.
• 

  RichieRich

  I don't know if the Goth , punk rock stage will last,

  Don't worry- it never does last... On occasion you get those people who stay goth until they're 30- but by letting her do what hse wants, wearing "goth" clothes won't be a form of rebellion and will look les appealing.

  Trust me.

  I know this stuff.
• 

  GentlyFeral

  Ahhhh sweet memories :)

  I, too, dressed my daughter in Little House on the Prairie dresses; I loved that look on small girls. When we went out in service, I used get her ready first. I'd put an elegant frilly dress on her, and while I was getting ready, she'd wander outside to look at the neighbor's chickens, climb to the roof of the other neighbor's children's fort, and generally end up covered with dust and grass stains so I'd have to dress her again.

  Like Mulan's daughter, she ditched the Little House frills & prints by the age of four. One of our thrift-store purchases was a pair of "realtor suits" - pleated skirt and boxy-shouldered jacket, one set each in red polyester and blue polyester. These were her absolute favorite service/meeting clothes until she outgrew them. After that her other favorite was a black-and-pink dress with a straight skirt; big simple geometric patterns and spartan lines.

  In our early Unitarian period she favored gaudy pants and shirts in violently contrasting colors. And patterns. She had a multi-animal-print shirt that she wore with teal/green/purple psychedelic slacks. Then she began alternating this stuff with all-black outfits, topped off with a black fedora, black trenchcoat, black spiked collar and red leash.

  Now, of course, she wears her hair in a crew cut and favors obscure-comic-book character T-shirts. For formal occasions she wears black-and-white tie dye. With black steel-toed work boots. I've been trying to get her to dye her hair blue - at least the roots - but she can't see the point.

  My son is a different animal. He wears fairly ordinary cast-offs and hand-me-downs, basically, but they always look exotic and custom-made somehow. Sometimes it's only the angle of his hatbrim that makes all the difference. He does play with his hair and eyebrows though - dying bits of it teal or orange, artistically shaving his hairline, etc. Lately he's been letting his hair grow and wearing a soul patch. He's been doing a lot of vikram yoga as well as manual labor - looks like the Christ of Mendocino County or somthin'. A very sweet young man, too.

  gently feral