Hi Ian,
Sorry you're feeling fed up at the moment, but I should imagine that being fed up of feeling ill is a good thing, and you need to concentrate on imagining yourself being well and doing what you want to get to that state.
I had a relative who had terminal cancer and would not accept it. I know I've told you this before. She should have died after her surgery as her cancer had literally spread everywhere. She refused to die. Lived another, 10/11 years and we still believe she only died because of a tragedy that befell her husband. So she gave up.
Keep up the good fight, you KNOW you can win, and you WILL!
Thinking of you and Claire.
Love
Gill