What would you do?

by pratt1 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  pratt1

  Let's say that a young relative of yours is a dub, 16 years old, and live with her dub parents.

  She has come to you because she is pregant and needs you moral and financial support in this matter.

  Because she was in denial about her condition, if she has an abortion (which is what she wants) it would require a short hopital stay. She is 11 weeks I think.

  What do you do?

  1. tell her parents?

  2. Tell her to tell her parents?

  3. Help her and then tell her parents?

  4. Tell her you do not want to get involved especially since her parents refuse to speak to you because of your rejection of the "troof"?
• 

  rebel8

  When you mentioned 11 weeks, that led me to do some quick research because I didn't think it was necessary to be hospitalized at that point. She may very well be able to have an office procedure. Click here for an example.

  I think the best thing to do is to let her vent and help her to find out how she really feels and what she really wants to do. She already lives a pretty controlling lifestyle and probably doesn't need more people telling her what to do.

  I don't think you're under any obligation to get involved, but if you do, my advice is to follow the spirit of the law (which allows her to get an abortion w/o telling her parents).
• 

  a friend in need

  A while ago I listened to a talk show on the radio about 'teen abortions'. All the callers were grown women ... one was in her seventies. Each and every one of them had had an abortion early in life and each and every one of them regretted it. Some were to the point of feeling suicidal because they felt they had taken a life.

  Not one caller mentioned being a JW or of any specific religious belief. They all agreed that an inborn feeling of sorrow has never left them .. they ALL felt they had killed someone. Not one of them said it was worth saving face or keeping parents from knowing and thus disowning them.

  It is a tremendous shock to any parent to find out their child is pregnant. That shock does pass ... usually with them loving the new addition to bits. That shock passes ... a dead fetus cannot be brought back to life.
• 

  Chia

  Without passing moral judgment(ahem, AFIN), I would not get too involved. I know it sounds cruel, but that's a tough call. Since she's underage, it depends on the laws and all...I just think it's sticky. What if she decides to come out and tell her parents later, and then it all falls back on you? I wouldn't want you to be caught in that situation. That's just my humble opinion.
• 

  pratt1

  Good points both.

  I have a 19 year old daughter and I know in time I could except almost anything she does and still love her the way I love her today.

  However this girl's perception of her parents reaction is her reality, and she definitely feels she would be disowned, definitely shunned, humiliated and embrassed in front of the entire congo, and perhaps thrown out of the family home.

  Fortunately, for me she has also confided in my cousin who is a medical professional and he is looking into other options for her.

  As to whether or not she will regret this later in life, it could go either way. I was involved in a similar situation a little older than she is now and both me and the other party are sure we made the right decision. We were not equipped to be parents.
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  love2Bworldly

  Make sure she gets some counseling before she makes any decisions. Also--if you do get involved, are you prepared to let her live with you if her parents kick her out? She needs to have a back-up plan of where to live if they disown her.
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  Chia

  I hope for the best for your young relative. What a terrible situation. I once thought I was pregnant. It turned out not to be so, but I was also a little older than her, and I was certain my mom would throw me out of the house and disown me and everything. She still did throw me out of the house, for a minor thing, so I know she would've had I been pregnant. I had made up in my mind if I was pregnant I was definitely going to get an abortion. No matter what decision is made, it's a difficult one, and it should be respected. But there's nothing wrong with you being there for her, to listen to her and comfort her.
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  Netty

  I dont think this should have a whole lot to do with being a JW or not. How could you not tell her parents? Remember, she is a minor. I know if my daughter was in this predicament, and a grown responsible adult knew and did not tell me, I would be livid, JW or not.
• 

  skyman

  I know the law says that she does not have to tell her parents. I am a parent and I would never forgive you did not tell me that my girl was pregnat . I helped raise my brothers boy when they through out the boy at sixteen two months before he was to be baptized. So if her parent can not except her then I would open my doors for her and help her in any way I could. It was worth when I did.

  P.S. It soured the boy so bad against the TROOF he never went back to the hall and now he is a fellow apostate like me. But his parent admire me because of helping him.
• 

  Es

  wow what a situation? I would prob encourage the girl to tell her parents purely for the fact that they would eventually get over it and hopefully accept there daughter and her baby. If she was to have an abortion she may feel terriable guilt for a long time if not forever. especiall with the baby being 11 weeks. Let us know how things go es