yup..thats what my teenage daughter told me this week.
she's beautiful, witty, smart, funny and overall a wonderful person (if i do say so myself)
but she's feeling unworthy of love from the " friends".
so i had a long long long LONG talk with her about the other " witness" kids.
how i felt the same way as a kid, how as i got older i found out the other kids didnt want me around because they were doing things that they
didnt want to be told on about. she talked about how since her dad and i are divorced that she's considered bad association..
so.........i told her a few things about the parents of these kids since i grew up with them..
one is a closet smoker... one smokes pot A LOT, one drinks ... one got in trouble at 19 for messing around with a 14 yr old girl...one was a 10 pound " premature" baby.. i told her everything i could think of and heck i think i made some chit up lol.
so yes, she is different than these kids and their families.. i told her not to be fooled by appearances.. they come to the hall , nicely dressed driving nice cars, smiling and talking in meek tones , but outside of the hall she doesnt know how they behave. its an act, an act toget by in the hierarchy of the social and political structure of the kingdom hall. i encouraged her to tell me about her friends at school,she has 2, a nice girl and a boy that are kind of outcasts too. i told her since she enjoys their company to keep working on those friendships, that she's getting to know the real person those kids are instead of a face they put on in the KH.
i think i got thru to her, she said she doesnt want to be baptized till she's older (thank goodness) and i encouraged her to wait till she's
in her mid 20s to decide. i took her shopping and bought her music SHE likes, nirvana, ACDC, greenday, ....... all of them she said she
felt guilty buying but that was the music she liked. i told her she's a teen, she is at the stage in her life where she SHOULD listen to what
she wants to and music is something that touches everyone differently. being a teen you feel like your emotions are going nutso and music seems to give you a vent to let some of the pressure off..
i asked her " forget about being a JW for a minute... as a person, what do you think about yourself?"
then i asked her " what do you think about yourself when you think of yourself as a JW?"
the answers made me cry.. the first..she was positive about herself, she liked music, liked thinking about maybe going to college to work with animals as a vet assistant or something, that she loved to dress up in goth clothes just to get attention and to make her dads hair turn gray and that she loves south park and family guy humor....
second...she said " mom i just dont feel like i'm ever going to be good enough, the kids at school treat me like a freak cuz i 'm a jw and the kids at the hall treat me like a freak because i'm not in their clique , i cant win"
i tried to get thru to her that it isnt her fault she feels that way at the KH. that that is a result of a system that isnt working. too much importance is put on HOW you appear to be doing instead of WHAT your doing. its always been that way.. your judged on your time card and how much money your family donates..then i asked her, if you were God, how would you want 14 yr old girls to feel? positive and looking forward to the future or feel like your never going to be good enough or feel like an outcast?..
i think it made her think and we had a very good discussion.. cross your fingers...
ps: i missed you guys! i'm back !