Which Is Better?

MerryMagdalene

We naturally desire acceptance and deplore rejection but which is better--

--to be rejected for what you are?

or

--to be accepted for what you are not?

The answer may seem obvious to most of us.

And yet I think many who have had to leave behind old beliefs, family, and the JW organizational structure in order to be true to themselves and the truths they have discovered outside The Organization's teachings have felt the lingering emotional echo expressed by those questions.

We may feel saddened at having been forced by circumstance into making such a painful choice and have maybe even wondered if we were being selfish in our choice.

Your thoughts, feelings, experiences on this...

~Merry

tetrapod.sapien

this is a very intersting thought merry.

for me, the explosion of life into my brain and imagination after learning the truth about the "truth", and adopting a natural worldview, is well worth the social pain. i feel like a human being for the first time in my life. no regrets, so far.

cheerio,

TS

prophecor

I'd much rather be rejected for who I am, Merry. For me to continue to be accepted by those on the basis of my not being true to who I am and what I believe, would only cause me to feel cheap, a phony, a fake. I want nothing to be artificial about me. I've always tried to be true to everything I do. Even when it was not popular. If one cannot be honest with themselves, then one is missing out, and doing damage to thier soul, from the inside out.

greendawn

It's a question of personal identity and if one has to identify with what one feels is not true to his nature then that is an aweful price to pay to have an identity, whereas an adaptation to a true identity even if painful at first it is the only one that can lead to a creative life.

There ia a need here to disolve old unproductive attachments and create new productive ones.

Markfromcali

Actually, when we step back and look we see it is their choice to make, even if they don't see it as a choice. We can either be who we are or who we are not, but the acceptance and rejection is up to them. That simplifies it a bit, there is then only the question of am I going to be true to myself, or not? Because if we are going to be caught up in the reaction of others, especially when they don't even consider it consciously, (how else would it be so predictable?) then we are involved in the same dynamic. The rejection is theirs, it is not you.

MerryMagdalene

Wonderful comments, all of you.

It is my hope that these will reach any who currently facing such dilemmas and choices and will be a help them.

Thanks!

~Merry

Es

I know myself that if you cant accept me for who i am then reject me. But i know of a friend who was D\F a couple of years ago and absolutely hated the truth with a passion, but you could tell she missed her fam alot. We had been catching up alot and then all of a sudden i get a call to say she had been reproved and was very happy. I just couldnt believe it but i guess the fact her parents rejected her was enuf to make her go back to something she doesnt believe in es

tijkmo

my initial reaction was that i would rather be accepted..for whatever reason

but then i thought ...that conclusion is based on suffering enormous rejection over the past couple of years

and while a jw i had no problem being rejected for what i was..and i took pride in being different whether it was not being pressured into doing 'worldly things' ...smoking drink drugs etc...or it was not cowtowing to the closed minded attitude of company men in the cong...or it was fighting for victims of injustice whether or not they were aware of it at the time..

but then at the same time as this i was being accepted by enough people to merit continuing in all the above

what i absolutely absolutely absolutely cannot stomach...

is being rejected for something i am not

i was not a deviant manipulative lying child molesting homosexual predatorial scumbag

nor was i a willful wanton unrepentant wrongdoer unworthy of forgiveness

so i shouldnt have been treated and ultimately rejected as one

tijkmo of the-i was just a child then now im only a man-class

absent without leave

well, I have never been accepted completely by the cong. and few people who did, are with me even after leaving the org... so I haven't lost much

sonnyboy

This question would depend on the mentality of the person involved, of course. I imagine that most introverts would rather be rejected for who they are, while extroverts may feel more comfortable being accepted for who they aren't. It depends on how deeply we delve into things.

Being accepted for something we're not may act like a temporary fix, but it'll eventually take its toll. Last year I discovered that one of my close friends was gay...after he attempted to commit suicide. He always seemed happy, and everyone thought he was a well-adjusted, straight young man. He was accepted for who everyone thought he was, but he couldn't accept himself.

Which Is Better?

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