A Moral Dillema... and ideas? (page 2)

Abaddon

Thank you all very much for your concern and comments.

I don't think I'd ever grass-her to the BoE. It would be something I'd use in extremis, I'd have to have a very long bath after doing it... "Out damned spot" LOL.

There is a better way my remarkably beautiful intellegent and wonderful girlfriend came up with, which, as with most great ideas, is rather simple.

One of me ex's quirks is her hate of me being anywhere near the house (which I paid for LOL). She actually refuses to let me pick the kids up from the house, although she has no cause to, and instead drops them off. Part of this is she thinks I don't know she's building an extension whilst pleading poverty, but most of it is because she is, as previously mentioned, a neurotic bitch.

I'm simply going to inform her I want her threats to stop, and for her unreasonable restriction of access in holidays to end.

If she goes ahead with her threats, or continues to deny me access in the holidays, then she will find me and my girlfriend move back to the UK and move into a house in the same village as her.

And it would be no bluff. Our intentions are to move to the UK anyway, albeit not straight away.

I'm not being a typical ex-husband slagging off my ex-wife's sanity here; she really is boardline la-la land, and despite several years of looking has yet to find a permenant job, actually being passed over for permenant positions whilst a long-term supply teacher. She stopped using her child-minder because her child-minder told her she was being unreasonable (toward me). She bounced around several local Congs before becoming inactive, was warned off the late-teenage son of a local elder - she'd have been 45 at the time.

Huh, if only I had let someone warn her off me when I was late-teenage son of an elder...

But anyway, I gauge this idea will be horrifying to her and make her behave better. She doesn't even have to be nice, I just what my kids want and what is my legal right.

avishai

Abbaddon, you have a pm.

LittleToe

What a delicious solution, even better for not bringing religion into it at all!
I like the way your g/f thinks

Jeffro

one of the reasons I left her is she's a mean-spirited irrational neurotic bitch

Do you say that kind of thing about her in front of the children?

Abaddon

LOL

Give me a break Jeffro!

No. I try to avoid direct criticism. Occasionally I have said (in response to some particularly spectacular piece of pettiness the kids tell me about) that I can't really comment as I don't think it's fair for me to be overly critical considering how much their mum does. I've apologised to them on the few occasions I've let something slip, and even then it nothing as direct as I have said here.

Let me give you some insight; in almost twelve years of seperation she has managed to drop the kids off at the agreed time on less than five occasions. She averages over 20 minutes late. She ALWAYS blames the kids for their lateness; for example, her starting an argument with my eldest ten minutes before leaving the house to drop them off with me, reducing her to tears, and turning up 40 minutes late as a result. Ain't it funny how that happens just before they're going to see me?

Two years ago she refused to let the kids come and see me in Holland because of the outbreak of SARS... letters from both her and her father state catagorically they oppose in principle my right to see my kids, yet they'l try to dress it up with some reason or the other. And if she can't, she'll pull the phone out of the wall for three months.

If she thought she could get away with it, she'd refuse to let me drive the kids around when I visit with a car, because the car is "European", and not "safe" to drive on British roads. As it is she treats me like an irresponsible twat when she is the one who hit a builders skip whilst DUI; I've got a perfect license, have never caused an accident with another vehicle bar a few parking scrapes, and drive twice as much as her each year. But only she (and her dad) are safe drivers; my father (driving for 60 years, no accidents, c.80,000 miles per year for the past 20 years) isn't 'safe' enough.

I tell you man, she is a fruit loop. I could carry on all day. I take the kids swimming; she turns up without towels as she "didn't have any clean ones". If I had put up with all her crap my kids would have never visited any home of mine and would never have met any girlfriend of mine; this when she gets the children to lie about her having a partner!!!

It is so easy taking a moral high ground and being reasonable when the 'oppostion' acts in an unreasonable and extreme fashion. I ain't all that... but DAMN she can make ANYONE look good with the shit she comes out with!

anglise

Apologies if I have missed the point BUT

if your ex wifes mental state is that unstable is she safe bringing up your daughters and having so much control especially when coupled with the JW influence.

If you have letters in your possesion which clearly state the position of your ex wife and your ex father-in -laws attitude could these be used to gain you further if not total custody?

Have you spoken to a solicitor about any of this.

Is the mental health of your daughters safe given this amount of manipulation?

You can have an assessment from a child pyschologist which might help if you are in any doubt.

Could you take on the full time care of your daughters if necessary.

Anglise

Crumpet

She basially doesn't want me involved in any way and threatens unless I back off she'll stop me seeing the kids.

Abaddon - I can so sympathise. I can barely allow myself to think about my the mother of my BF's child. Her neglect got so bad and despite repeated gentle as possible offers to help out and finally the threat of involving social services when the neglect continued for months, she emailed saying that if we ever mentioned the neglect again then she would withdraw all contact.

It literally makes my blood boil. Some women should have their ovaries ripped out before they can inflict their evil design on their children and innocent ex partners.

I admire your gentle and patient approach - its the same way my BF acts, despite how unbelievably frustrating the situation can get. I am useless at helping - because I just lose my temper with the woman. So many of the things you have said sound familiar. I hope you can continue to maintain your respectful and patient stance.

And I think intimating you might move into the same village is a wonderful idea! Good Luck mate!

Jeffro

From what I see, I agree with Anglise. Try for custody.

NeonMadman

It is so easy taking a moral high ground and being reasonable when the 'oppostion' acts in an unreasonable and extreme fashion. I ain't all that... but DAMN she can make ANYONE look good with the shit she comes out with!

Sounds exactly like my first marriage. From the sound of it, I'd go with what others have said. It doesn't sound like your kids are in the healthiest environment mentally and emotionally. If you could get custody, it would probably be good for both them and you.

jgnat

Abaddon, at the age of your children, they actually hold the cards. Here in Canada it is recognized that at their age, they have the power to chose who they live with anyhow. They know how to catch a bus, use a phone, run away.

I am glad you are taking the high road. I am glad you are taking the patient, subtle approach. Your girls are watching. If you go immature on them by attacking their mom, I promise you that their respect will be gone forever. Continue to be the rock they count on.

If I were you, I wouldn't back down from regular access to your girls. They need you. Is it possible you can have a third-party advocate appointed to speak on your daughter's behalf? A third, neutral person would keep your neurotic ex busy, while you can concentrate on being the best dad you can be for your girls.

A Moral Dillema... and ideas?

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