The Story of Uncle Malcolm (page 2)

coffee_black

Great story...and beautifully written. I think you should try your hand at a novel. You are very talented.

Coffee

Crumpet

katiekitten

I agree begrudgingly - you should try writing as a profession. You do it very well - (crumpet of the easily jealous class!)

i miss all my old aunties and uncles - the one's who always had Victoria sponge at the ready for the field service meeting, were an endless supply of biscuits and the not so nice fishermens friends which reduce me to tears at the thought of them!

diamondblue1974

In the KH I went to I had an Auntie Nellie

Now heres a story or two....Aunty Nellie was actually quite intelligent but she used to talk to herself throughout the whole of the meetings and generally smelled horrendously (despite many attempts to try and help her in this department she proudly refused to let anyone look after her). Sometimes she would talk to herself more loudly than at other times and you could sometimes make out what she was saying.

She more often than not would fall asleep at some point during the group study (who wouldnt?) and as she did she would either drop something from her knee or her book would snap shut with such a loud clap she would wake with a jolt and immediately pretend that she was reading her life forever book and had actually been paying attention; everyone knew the truth about the situation but the funniest occasion was when her book snapped shut and she woke up and immediately and I swear to this day she said 'bollocks'. Others also agreed with me later but again she was the cause of yet more hysterics on my part.

You always knew when Aunty Nellie was going to try and answer as she would always lean forward in her chair with a toothy grin expression on her face which was difficult to resist lauging at. This was so much so that the study conductor would often choose her to answer somewhere in the middle of her leaning forward and actually putting her hand up.

After answering up at the bookstudy group she would always sit back in her chair looking extremely pleased with herself, I cant begin to describe to full affect of the look on her face but it was hillarious....it was something like a really spaced out toothy smile which erupted from her face everytime she finished an answer and she would immediately mutter a few words of varying volume to herself afterwards and head off into another conversation with herself and whoever she was talking to, as a teenager I did find it hard to stop myself from laughing as it was so comical. The puzzling thing though is it looked as if she was actually talking to someone...either in the fireplace...next to her or elsewhere where nobody was sat.

Now Aunty Nellie had tummy troubles and suffered a lot from indigestion; so at regular intervals during any group study Nellie would lean forward to get her Rennies (indigestion tablets) from her bag. Not only did these make her burp but they made her fart rather loudly too which again added to her character. On one evening she leaned forward just as a question had been asked at the group and she was asked for her answer only this time she had only gone to get her tablets from the bag which everyone but the conductor had noticed; rather sheepishly she said she didnt have an answer and was getting some tablets...which was fine but when she sat down she began one of her conversations with herself and began calling the study conductor a 'bloody idiot' under her breath and a 'jumped up snotty bugger', which everybody heard accept the study conductor....well I was nearly howling laughing and others had tears rolling down their faces with laughter and Aunty Nellie by this point was busy in another conversation with herself and so was oblivious to the commotion she had caused.

I believe Aunty Nellie is still going strong...and can still be seen in the KH muttering away to herself or whoever she is talking to and still carries round a box of rennies with her wherever she goes.

I am sure every congregation has their own resident nutcase which you couldnt help but have affection for....

katiekitten

Thank you so much for your kind words. I only write to make myself laugh really - I love a good belly laugh, and what better way than taking the pi$$ out of the people who robbed us of our joy! But in fact I dont even need to take the pi$$, these guys are real.

Hope no-one thinks im on an ego trip, I just want to share the fun and its such a total relief for me to laugh it all off now, rather than going home every night after a meeting wanting to take a bottle of tablets. I think ive got a couple more stories in me, thanks to my congregation who bore a scary reseblance to a bunch medieval bunch of village idiots.

I will pace them out a bit so I dont bore anyone. Thankyou all for letting me get this out, its my way of ranting!

lawrence

Loved both the stories! Yes, the "resident nutcases."

katiekitten

DB74 - how fantastic! Its like we went to the same congregation - I can hear Aunty Nellie farting! Im in my classroom at school laughing out loud to myself!! (kids walking past rolling their eyes, like im a mentalist)

Jeez, youve got to hand it to these 'ones' (as the WTS would say) they kept us going through the dark days.

Id love to hear more.

GetBusyLiving

Hilarious story Katie. Reminded me of some guys in my old hall.

GBL

Crumpet

Thankyou all for letting me get this out, its my way of ranting!

Well all I can say is Katie - what a well adjusted apostababe you are if this is your way of ranting. it's excellent, and especially remembering the mad old timers!

I do hope I get to meet you in person at some point!

DB1974 - Aunt Nellie was Auntie Winnie in my hall! And the elders never dared take the old timers who swore to task did they? What a fine example!

katiekitten

Crumpet id love to meet you too someday. Just read your profile, and all i can say is you are a survivor. I never had to put up with anything near as much as you did, hence my ability to laugh at it all. Doubt if I could have coped with your deck of cards.

All respect to you and your ability to get through all that crapola.

Plus what a fab name, CRUMPET! Makes me want to snigger in a slightly smutty British way for no apparent reason!

Crumpet

yeah you snigger away katiechops - but that is my REAL name! Now imagine what my school life was like - a witness and a crumpet. LOL!

Humour is the very best way to deal with it - after the cryings all done anyway!

hugs x

The Story of Uncle Malcolm

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