Maybe that's why I subconsciously avoided looking up "apostate" stuff online for so long. I figured if I was sorry that I couldn't be a good little dub, that maybe if I eventually went back, I'd be forgiven.
After a couple of years of freedom from the borg, I got resentful that we were forced to live in such an unnatural way in the first place. I decided that nonexistance would be better than living in a trashed earth full of dead bodies and rubble, that we were probably going to be required to clean up for hundreds of years, with a bunch of self-righteous control freaks....only to be run through the ringer again at the end of it.
Who is this Jehovah anyway? It's all judging and death and you can only have happiness if you put on the new straightjacket and demonstrate abject guilt for every stray thought or imperfect deed. Cool, prison for eternity. Why not just brain wipe us and program in what you want?