What Would YOU Do? (page 4)

Odrade

You poor pitiful creature... ah well, give wife a smooch for me... speaking of sweetness. ON THE CHEEK!!! the FACE CHEEK!!! save your slurpy kisses for yourself tyvm!

Hey Sphere, had to comment on this... it depends on the degree of the "special needs." Some of these kids have no way to comprehend that the favor was being handed to them, they just remembered that they "did good," or that someone is their friend. So in that respect, though just a story, the idea is so nice.

It's really along the same lines as telling your two year old that the scribble pictures he just drew are the most beautiful things you've ever seen. The two year-old doesn't have the capacity to comprehend that your statement is qualified by love and caring, and has no real basis in critical artistic review. It still means the world to the two year old. The "special needs" kid who gets pulled into a game he can't win and is helped to be a winner, no matter how contrived the victory, still appreciates the gift. Maybe more so than those of us who can analyze it and dismiss it.

That's why they are special needs kids. What might not be a gift to your 8 year-old normally developing grade-schooler might mean everything to the 8 y.o. developmentally delayed/disabled kid, who will possibly never realize that they didn't win based on ability, but does that really matter?

PaulJ

Regardless of whether the story was real or not the principle is there.

Thanks for the story GBL. It reminded me of a true story, i think in the UK, where a little kid had cancer and had to have extensive kemo. When he was well enough to go back to school, his hair hadnt had time to grow back but determined to get back to a normal life he went to school anyway. His classmates went out of their way to welcome him back- with special permission from their parents, ALL of them had their heads shaved- so the little kid wouldnt feel uncomfortable coming back to class.

Made me sob when i heard it.......

sonnyboy

I find it saddenging to make someone believe they're good at something when they're not.

This kid may not have been good at anything (depending on the severity of his handicap).

I guess it's time to show my skeptic side and say that the story is most likely false, although it's nice to think that it could be true. Kids are extremely competitive when it comes to sports. I can see them letting the boy get to first or second base, but I highly doubt that they'd let him win the game for the opposing team, especially with people in the stands.

I'm just going by my experience as a kid. Winning was everything.

funkyderek

Odrade:

Derek, killjoy. Actually I knew it was a story. I would imagine others did too. It's still a great story. Someday you need to learn to leave well enough alone. Posting snopes on virus warnings and other hoaxes is one thing. Posting the "proof" that this is other than a moralistic tale is quite another. But thanks for protecting us from our better instincts.

I posted the link to snopes.com firstly because it gave the original version of the text which differs significantly from the version GBL posted. It also gives the source which is handy to have if you care whether what you read is true or not. The second reason I posted it is for the discussion the page contains over whether there really is virtue in patronising the mentally challenged. Your better instincts will, I hope, remain intact after reading it, although you may have a different perspective. Cordelia:

derek i believed it dont ruin things by letting us know it isnt true!

That's what I do! In fact, it seems it is true although some of the details have been changed. I posted it more for the opinion presented which differs considerably from what most people here seem to think. I find it's usually interesting and informative to examine other people's viewpoints.

LittleToe

So setting aside the kiljoys of this world, who would rather make us think it to be something other than it is...

Why do you think that most of us find it touching?

LT, of the "unabashedly with a tear in his eye" class.

Abaddon

I came across this a few years ago and totally agree with the emotional impact it has. The 'core' of the story as is common to most versions is actually quite well-written, although it's frequently top and tailed with someone's personal interpretation and comments. Made me tear up anyway.

In my "let's pull the wings of this thing and see if it still flys" mode (you guys must be familiar with that one by now) I tried to find the evidence that, as with much of this sort of thing, it was a load of fabricated rubbish...

... and...

... found out is is apparently...

... true..! Bad naughty cynical bastard Gyles!

Or at least it has been confirmed as true by Rabbi and author, Paysach Krohn of Brooklyn, who knew the people involved.

http://www.blogger.com/email-post.g?blogID=9079542&postID=110399877601970567

http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/shaya.html

LittleToe

Derek:Do you ever feel it appropriate to examine people's viewpoints before you attempt to crush them out of existance with a contrary opinion?

I'm curious - does automated cynicism impact the joy of experience, any? Inquiring minds want to know...

rick1199

This is taken from snopes.com, it made me think and realise the road to hell is paved with good intentions:

What to make of an incitement to bestow upon the disabled to a pat on the head instead of granting them acceptance for who they are, even when that means accepting the limitations placed upon them by their infirmities? Has a disabled child who has been conditioned to believe he's good at baseball somehow been helped, or has he been set up for a greater hurt when he comes to realize he's been made the object of pity and an accomplishment he'd been praising himself for was just a sham?

Not everyone reacts well to having the rules of life changed on them in mid-game, so to speak. An experience from my sister's pre-school days might help illustrate this point.

As was my sister's wont, some mornings she would toddle after our brother when he headed off to school. She was always greeted warmly by the teacher and set down with crayons and paper to draw pictures (a ruse to keep her quiet) while the rest of the children went on with their lessons. When she proudly presented her drawings to the teacher, they never failed to earn gold stars, sometimes even rows of them! (According to our brother, she was never shy about demanding more stars. Loudly.) Her interruptions and demands were always immediately addressed, and the class learned to regard her as a lovable, if annoying, mascot who showed up every now and then but mercifully never stayed long. ("But always too long," our mortified brother would report.) When she tired of scribbling, singing, and cavorting, my dear sis would toddle back home, secure in the knowledge that this mysterious "school" thing was all sorts of fun, and it would be even more fun when she was grown up enough to be part of it officially.

That view changed on her very first day as a real student. Riding on the bus was fun, but nobody acted all that delighted to see her when she got to school. Worse, there were no gold stars for anything she did. When she piped up to sing a song, the teacher actually shushed her. She was told to stay in her seat instead of running around the room as she usually did. When she demanded crayons, she was told it was time to do lessons and that in future she had to put her hand up when she wanted something instead of just screaming it out. Confused and fed up, she tried to leave, but the teacher sat her back down! She was then told she couldn't leave, that she had to stay there for the whole day. Worse, she was told that if she didn't behave, she'd be taken to the principal. (She wasn't exactly sure what that was, but it sounded impressively ominous.)

That confused little girl grew up to be a young lady who dropped out of school in eighth grade. She never got over the idea that teachers lived to pick on her and that all these rules they came up with served no purpose other than to make her life miserable. Possibly a different beginning might have led to a different outcome: a brilliant, creative girl going on to complete high school and maybe even university. Maybe. But we'll never know because these other what-might-have-beens were killed with kindness before they even had their chance.

As amusing a story as my sister's experience may be, the pain she experienced was real. What that child went through shouldn't be visited upon another, especially upon one already burdened with limitations. Kindness is all well and good, but not when the expression of it sets up the recipient for greater harm later. The less abled don't require our pity -- they want acceptance, to be seen as viable and valuable members of the world. Lying down for them doesn't accomplish this; it just reinforces the belief they can't succeed on their own.

Can a disabled child hit a baseball as well as a perfectly-abled one? No. But can that same child learn to work within his disabilities to the point of achieving real accomplishments he can take honest pride in? Absolutely. And that beats all the pity-driven home runs in the world.

Odrade

Again, the developmentally disabled child may have no point of reference or ability to comprehend that he was handed the homerun. He may feel a legitimate excitement and sense of pride. The (I'm sure very politically correct, though cynical and bitter) woman who wrote that afterword seems to be saying that we should not allow such joys because they were not earned by the individual.

Tell that to your four year old that you just let get a "home run" over the fence with a plastic bat and a tennis ball. Tell him he didn't really earn it so the run didn't count and next time he has to earn it "honestly" so he can take pride in the accomplishment! Remember, we do not know to what degree that disabled child's comprehension and cognitive abilities are impaired, so maybe handing him the run is exactly the same as giving the run away to a four year old.

One last thing: not all kindnesses done for others are "pity-driven." It weakens humanity to imply that its acts are done only because we "feel sorry for" someone. bleh. Can't someone do a kindness... yes, even for the disabled, without it being said that the act is only "pity-driven?" That makes me sick.

What Would YOU Do?

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