Hi everyone,
I've posted in the past under the nic, "doubting sister", but I'm no longer doubtful. I'm TOTALLY CONVINCED, the witnesses are just another religion like any other. Actually, I consider them a cult, but I think many religions have cultish tendencies anyhow, so I'll refrain from calling them that for now.
Because of this site I've been able to see things more clearly and I'm feeling better about leaving. I don't have that guilt clouding over my life like I used to have. I used to think that I wasn't going to make it through Armageddon because deep down I hated having to go to meetings, assemblies and out in service. I did it only because I had to and the only real joy came when I'd have a good heart to heart with someone informally. I think I was most supportive to family and friends who were disfellowshipped. I always tried to treat them with respect and love. I've been told by my aunt that I was always what she thought a real Christian should act like. I guess that's why I started to question things about the Society and it's teachings.
My mother is hanging on deep to this religion and the more I pull away, the more she tries to "encourage" me. That part really stresses me out sometimes, but I try to give her little pieces of information that she can think about. My brother's death several years back has made her more motivated to be close to Jehovah since she wishes to see him in the "new system". I don't want to take that hope away from her since I have nothing factual to give her to replace it. That's the really difficult part, wondering what to believe anymore. I think it's making me take each day and live it up to the fullest, but it also makes me very sad sometimes.
I've done some things that I normally wouldn't do. I experienced a lot of pain, grieving if you will, when I learned the truth about the "truth".
I took my husband out one night dancing and decided to get a piercing. It was a vertical hood piercing and it was my way of rebelling I think. I've always had strong sexual urges, but never acted on many because I thought it wouldn't be right to even think about, let alone do such things. I must say, this has made me feel very liberated sexually and it's something that my witness friends would never, ever believe I had. I'm a good girl, never do anything, no tattoos, barely any makeup, very down to earth. I'm more open about things too and I'm very much against anyone telling me what to do or what to think. Nobody can do that, nobody.
I celebrated my children's birthdays for the first time this year and it felt wonderful. It also felt awkward and I secretly felt socially retarded for not having candles for their cakes! DUH! We're going to have a blast at Halloween! I've always loved dressing up. I'm thinking about being Lara Croft, LOL! I can't sew, but I'll hire someone if I have to to make my kids the best costumes ever. I used to be the one who would host parties for the kids at the hall and of course, at my own cost and time. Hardly any parents would want to help. They usually saw it as an opportunity to drop t heir kids off while they went shopping or something.
Anyway, I wanted to say hi again and I look forward to sharing in the discussions. I'd like to meet for coffee next time the group in Toronto gets together. It's a drive, but sounds like fun.
Anne