Here is the long awaited first chapter. As always, a complete formatted copy can be obtained if you drop me your email address.
IN THE BEGINNING
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. - Genesis 1:1
Every good story begins at the beginning, and this one is no exception. What better place to start a book about the Bible, than with the Bible’s opening sentence?
Now, as you might have guessed by the title of this book, the Bible and I part ways fairly quickly – to be exact, somewhere between the third and fourth words of the Bible’s opening verse.
To begin, the Bible opens with the phrase “in the beginning”. I am in total agreement with this. This is one of the two most popular theories on the subject (either the universe had a beginning or it didn’t), and it happens to be the one that both I and the Bible favor. Up to this point, I am a big fan of the Bible.
However, it is with the fourth word of the Bible that I take exception, and from that point on, my viewpoint grows ever more distant. But, after all, what kind of an atheist would I be, if I granted God even a toehold in this story? In fact, it is my objection to the concept of God that spawned the entire thesis of this book. If God exists and he has authored a book, then it should be a pretty good one. There should be no contradictions, errors, or logical flaws; it should be clear, easy to read, consistent, and accessable; and, it goes without saying that it should be morally irreprehensible.
Unfortunately, the book that is purported to be God’s official communication with humans contains all of these flaws, in abundance. And these flaws are in evidence in the opening scene, probably more than any other.
As the Biblical curtain draws open, the scene shows nothing – no physical universe and no heaven. The first article of business is to get this empty space filled. So, God creates these two things. He then goes on to populate the universe with living things, including plants, animals, and humans.
Knowing God, he naturally has to do things the hard way. Consider the order of creation:
Day 1: created light
Day 2: created the sky and separate water above and below the sky “firmament”
Day 3: land and sea separated, plants and trees created
Day 4: created the sun, moon, and stars, and installed them in the firmament
Day 5: created aquatic animals and birds
Day 6: created land animals and humans
Day 7: day off
That was quite a week. In early times, the Bible was taken at it’s word, meaning that all of this took place in seven literal days. Over time, scientifically astute humans began to realize that not only was this not possible, but there was ample evidence that life and other creations were far older than allowed by the Bible.
So, to fix this problem, enterprising Christians reinterpreted the word “Day” to mean a longer period of time - perhaps a thousand years, or maybe even seven thousand years. Others came to realize that even this interpretation didn’t work, so “Day” began to mean an era or epoch. You will notice throughout the Bible, that whenever it makes a statement that is either impossible or ridiculous, the statement becomes “symbolic”. Clearly, that technique becomes necessary very early in the book. It continues to be essential right up to the last chapter of Revelation.
Now, take a look at the order of creation. Notice that the first thing that God created was light. That was a good idea. Unfortunately, he forgot to create the main light source for the earth – the sun. I assume he used giant heat lamps to make up for the oversight. Also notice that he made plants before he made the sun - mostly frozen vegetables, I suspect.
The wording of this portion of the Bible is also rather odd. God consistently calls the sky a “firmament”. This is a strange choice of words. I can’t think of anything distinctly less “firm” than the sky. He then considerately arranges the sun, moon, and stars in the sky in such a position that they can be the most useful to humans.
Clearly, the Bible writer had an earth-centric view of the universe, and did not fully understand the role of the sun in providing heat, light, and energy. Perhaps God should have spent less time gluing up stars, and more time destroying evidence. He left a lot of fossils and geological evidence that contradicts his story.
Overall, the creation account is riddled with errors that force the reader to relegate this entire chapter to the myth bin. In fact, this chapter is such an easy target, that I think I will skip the rest of it entirely, and move to the next Bible chapter, where we can have a little more fun.
Adam and Eve
The story of Adam and Eve is one of the most enjoyable in the Bible. It is colorful and captures the imagination. It also addresses numerous classical literary themes. But, it also contains some humorous errors. Let’s begin with a quick review of the story.
Genesis chapter two begins by retelling the creation story. But, this time, it’s different. The order of creation is changed, and God appears to be more human-like. In the first chapter, God is basically a magician – waving his wand, and poof! Things come into existance. In the second chapter, he is more of a handiman. He plants a garden, enjoys walking in it, assembles a human out of spare parts, and converses with his creatures. He is also a little bit of a stinker. In addition to planting a garden, he also plants a trap. Clearly, this chapter was written by a different person from a different time period.
The action begins with the creation of Adam. God assigns him the task of naming the animals. Then he realizes that he has made an oversight. He has created males and females of all of the animals, but he has forgotten to make a female human.
Now, up to this point, God has miraculously willed the universe into existance. Yet, when it comes to creating one more thing, a female human, he finds it necessary to look for parts. Fortunately, he placed a superfluous rib in Adam. So, he anesthetises the man, removes the spare rib, and builds himself a chick – Eve.
Adam and Eve have a good time, frolicking naked in the garden (innocently, of course). They have no concept of right or wrong. They do not realize they are naked. And, apparently, they don’t have sex until much later.
Everything is going just fine, until God sets a trap. God gives them every tree of the garden for food. But, he forbids them to eat the fruit of one of the trees. He says that “in the day that you eat of it you shall die.” (Gen 2:17) Remember these words.
Now, you have to wonder about the mentality of a being that would do something like this. Adam and Eve are young and innocent. God then entices them with a succulent tree that promises to give them knowledge. Then he forbids them from eating it, under penalty of death. Why would anyone create beautiful and perfect humans, and then plant a trap for the purpose of punishing and killing them? This is like placing a bear trap in a playground, and covering it with toys. Anyway, Adam and Eve are so innocent that they don’t even bother with the tree.
OK, the story up to this point is wild enough. I’m having trouble believing this as it is. So, what does the author now do? That’s right, bring on the talking snake. But not just any snake. Not a smart ass snake, for comic relief, or even a straightman snake to be a sounding board for Adam’s philosophy. The Bible says, “Now the serpent was more subtle than any other wild creature that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God say, `You shall not eat of any tree of the garden'?" –Gen 3:1. Not only is this snake “subtle”, but apparently, it can talk, and even walk, as we shall see later.
Is it my imagination, or is the word “subtle” a rather unusual choice for describing a snake? I grew up on a farm, and I would be hard pressed to characterize any animals as subtle. It’s just not a word that you use for animals. It’s like referring to a cow as “zany”.
Notice that the snake tells the truth (“your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil”), whereas God lies (“in the day that you eat of it you shall die.”)
So, Eve figures, “What the heck?” , and eats the fruit. Surprisingly, the fact that she has just conversed with a snake does not cause her to pause. She focuses on what the snake has said.
I find this a little odd. If I came home from work, and my dog said, “Hey, how’s it going?”, I would be far more interested in his speaking ability than his message. Anyway, back to the story.
After eating the fruit, Eve gives some to Adam, and he eats it, too. Then God catches them. He asks Adam if he has eaten the fruit. Adam’s first reaction is normal. He blames his wife. That doesn’t go over well, so then he blames the snake.
That’s our grandpa.
So, God curses the humans. He tells them that they will die in that very day. True to form, Adam dies 930 years later of natural causes. I think God’s magic wand needs a tune up. As I mentioned earlier, the Bible is understood to be speaking literally, unless it says something stupid, at which point it becomes figurative. The 930 years was one big-ass figurative “day”, kind of like the creative days. God specifically curses Eve to pain in childbirth, then throws them out of the garden. He then blocks the way with a flaming sword, which wouldn’t be invented for centuries. (Did God invent the sword?)
God is really in a cursing mood. He even curses the snake: "Because you have done this, cursed are you above all cattle, and above all wild animals; upon your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life” – Gen 3:14
This strikes me as a rather unusual curse. First of all, the snake has been cursed above the cattle, you know – the zany ones. Why are cattle cursed? I can picture one of them looking up, mouth full of straw, and asking, “What did WE do?” (Hey,if snakes can talk, why can’t cows?) Secondly, if the snake is now cursed to go on his belly, just precisely how did snakes “go” prior to the curse? They don’t have legs. Finally, does God actually think that snakes “eat dust”?
To me, God’s reaction seems a little over the top. Eating some fruit that is off limits is about on par with a parking ticket. Yet, God sentences Adam and Eve, and every human who has ever lived, to the death penalty. God should get a little perspective.
If this story is considered to be an alegory, it can be very instructive. There are some interesting correlations in this story. First of all, knowledge is linked to pain and death. This is significant on so many levels. Some persons, like Galileo, have suffered for revealing the truth. It is a testament to the human spirit that people will be willing to suffer and die for knowledge.
Also, this chapter contains the implication that freedom is more valuable than life. Life without freedom is not worth living.
Thirdly, from an evolutionary perspective, knowledge is indeed linked with pain in childbirth. Newborn humans have an exceptionally large head for their body size. It is our mental capacity (knowledge) that sets us apart from the animals and makes human childbirth painful. The Bible writer unwittingly made a link that is very profound.
Finally, the two parallel accounts of creation can give us insight in the intellectual development of early civilization.
Unfortunately, these observations are lost on those who literally believe the words of the Bible.
IN THE BEGINNING
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. - Genesis 1:1
Every good story begins at the beginning, and this one is no exception. What better place to start a book about the Bible, than with the Bible’s opening sentence?
Now, as you might have guessed by the title of this book, the Bible and I part ways fairly quickly – to be exact, somewhere between the third and fourth words of the Bible’s opening verse.
To begin, the Bible opens with the phrase “in the beginning”. I am in total agreement with this. This is one of the two most popular theories on the subject (either the universe had a beginning or it didn’t), and it happens to be the one that both I and the Bible favor. Up to this point, I am a big fan of the Bible.
However, it is with the fourth word of the Bible that I take exception, and from that point on, my viewpoint grows ever more distant. But, after all, what kind of an atheist would I be, if I granted God even a toehold in this story? In fact, it is my objection to the concept of God that spawned the entire thesis of this book. If God exists and he has authored a book, then it should be a pretty good one. There should be no contradictions, errors, or logical flaws; it should be clear, easy to read, consistent, and accessable; and, it goes without saying that it should be morally irreprehensible.
Unfortunately, the book that is purported to be God’s official communication with humans contains all of these flaws, in abundance. And these flaws are in evidence in the opening scene, probably more than any other.
As the Biblical curtain draws open, the scene shows nothing – no physical universe and no heaven. The first article of business is to get this empty space filled. So, God creates these two things. He then goes on to populate the universe with living things, including plants, animals, and humans.
Knowing God, he naturally has to do things the hard way. Consider the order of creation:
Day 1: created light
Day 2: created the sky and separate water above and below the sky “firmament”
Day 3: land and sea separated, plants and trees created
Day 4: created the sun, moon, and stars, and installed them in the firmament
Day 5: created aquatic animals and birds
Day 6: created land animals and humans
Day 7: day off
That was quite a week. In early times, the Bible was taken at it’s word, meaning that all of this took place in seven literal days. Over time, scientifically astute humans began to realize that not only was this not possible, but there was ample evidence that life and other creations were far older than allowed by the Bible.
So, to fix this problem, enterprising Christians reinterpreted the word “Day” to mean a longer period of time - perhaps a thousand years, or maybe even seven thousand years. Others came to realize that even this interpretation didn’t work, so “Day” began to mean an era or epoch. You will notice throughout the Bible, that whenever it makes a statement that is either impossible or ridiculous, the statement becomes “symbolic”. Clearly, that technique becomes necessary very early in the book. It continues to be essential right up to the last chapter of Revelation.
Now, take a look at the order of creation. Notice that the first thing that God created was light. That was a good idea. Unfortunately, he forgot to create the main light source for the earth – the sun. I assume he used giant heat lamps to make up for the oversight. Also notice that he made plants before he made the sun - mostly frozen vegetables, I suspect.
The wording of this portion of the Bible is also rather odd. God consistently calls the sky a “firmament”. This is a strange choice of words. I can’t think of anything distinctly less “firm” than the sky. He then considerately arranges the sun, moon, and stars in the sky in such a position that they can be the most useful to humans.
Clearly, the Bible writer had an earth-centric view of the universe, and did not fully understand the role of the sun in providing heat, light, and energy. Perhaps God should have spent less time gluing up stars, and more time destroying evidence. He left a lot of fossils and geological evidence that contradicts his story.
Overall, the creation account is riddled with errors that force the reader to relegate this entire chapter to the myth bin. In fact, this chapter is such an easy target, that I think I will skip the rest of it entirely, and move to the next Bible chapter, where we can have a little more fun.
Adam and Eve
The story of Adam and Eve is one of the most enjoyable in the Bible. It is colorful and captures the imagination. It also addresses numerous classical literary themes. But, it also contains some humorous errors. Let’s begin with a quick review of the story.
Genesis chapter two begins by retelling the creation story. But, this time, it’s different. The order of creation is changed, and God appears to be more human-like. In the first chapter, God is basically a magician – waving his wand, and poof! Things come into existance. In the second chapter, he is more of a handiman. He plants a garden, enjoys walking in it, assembles a human out of spare parts, and converses with his creatures. He is also a little bit of a stinker. In addition to planting a garden, he also plants a trap. Clearly, this chapter was written by a different person from a different time period.
The action begins with the creation of Adam. God assigns him the task of naming the animals. Then he realizes that he has made an oversight. He has created males and females of all of the animals, but he has forgotten to make a female human.
Now, up to this point, God has miraculously willed the universe into existance. Yet, when it comes to creating one more thing, a female human, he finds it necessary to look for parts. Fortunately, he placed a superfluous rib in Adam. So, he anesthetises the man, removes the spare rib, and builds himself a chick – Eve.
Adam and Eve have a good time, frolicking naked in the garden (innocently, of course). They have no concept of right or wrong. They do not realize they are naked. And, apparently, they don’t have sex until much later.
Everything is going just fine, until God sets a trap. God gives them every tree of the garden for food. But, he forbids them to eat the fruit of one of the trees. He says that “in the day that you eat of it you shall die.” (Gen 2:17) Remember these words.
Now, you have to wonder about the mentality of a being that would do something like this. Adam and Eve are young and innocent. God then entices them with a succulent tree that promises to give them knowledge. Then he forbids them from eating it, under penalty of death. Why would anyone create beautiful and perfect humans, and then plant a trap for the purpose of punishing and killing them? This is like placing a bear trap in a playground, and covering it with toys. Anyway, Adam and Eve are so innocent that they don’t even bother with the tree.
OK, the story up to this point is wild enough. I’m having trouble believing this as it is. So, what does the author now do? That’s right, bring on the talking snake. But not just any snake. Not a smart ass snake, for comic relief, or even a straightman snake to be a sounding board for Adam’s philosophy. The Bible says, “Now the serpent was more subtle than any other wild creature that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God say, `You shall not eat of any tree of the garden'?" –Gen 3:1. Not only is this snake “subtle”, but apparently, it can talk, and even walk, as we shall see later.
Is it my imagination, or is the word “subtle” a rather unusual choice for describing a snake? I grew up on a farm, and I would be hard pressed to characterize any animals as subtle. It’s just not a word that you use for animals. It’s like referring to a cow as “zany”.
Notice that the snake tells the truth (“your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil”), whereas God lies (“in the day that you eat of it you shall die.”)
So, Eve figures, “What the heck?” , and eats the fruit. Surprisingly, the fact that she has just conversed with a snake does not cause her to pause. She focuses on what the snake has said.
I find this a little odd. If I came home from work, and my dog said, “Hey, how’s it going?”, I would be far more interested in his speaking ability than his message. Anyway, back to the story.
After eating the fruit, Eve gives some to Adam, and he eats it, too. Then God catches them. He asks Adam if he has eaten the fruit. Adam’s first reaction is normal. He blames his wife. That doesn’t go over well, so then he blames the snake.
That’s our grandpa.
So, God curses the humans. He tells them that they will die in that very day. True to form, Adam dies 930 years later of natural causes. I think God’s magic wand needs a tune up. As I mentioned earlier, the Bible is understood to be speaking literally, unless it says something stupid, at which point it becomes figurative. The 930 years was one big-ass figurative “day”, kind of like the creative days. God specifically curses Eve to pain in childbirth, then throws them out of the garden. He then blocks the way with a flaming sword, which wouldn’t be invented for centuries. (Did God invent the sword?)
God is really in a cursing mood. He even curses the snake: "Because you have done this, cursed are you above all cattle, and above all wild animals; upon your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life” – Gen 3:14
This strikes me as a rather unusual curse. First of all, the snake has been cursed above the cattle, you know – the zany ones. Why are cattle cursed? I can picture one of them looking up, mouth full of straw, and asking, “What did WE do?” (Hey,if snakes can talk, why can’t cows?) Secondly, if the snake is now cursed to go on his belly, just precisely how did snakes “go” prior to the curse? They don’t have legs. Finally, does God actually think that snakes “eat dust”?
To me, God’s reaction seems a little over the top. Eating some fruit that is off limits is about on par with a parking ticket. Yet, God sentences Adam and Eve, and every human who has ever lived, to the death penalty. God should get a little perspective.
If this story is considered to be an alegory, it can be very instructive. There are some interesting correlations in this story. First of all, knowledge is linked to pain and death. This is significant on so many levels. Some persons, like Galileo, have suffered for revealing the truth. It is a testament to the human spirit that people will be willing to suffer and die for knowledge.
Also, this chapter contains the implication that freedom is more valuable than life. Life without freedom is not worth living.
Thirdly, from an evolutionary perspective, knowledge is indeed linked with pain in childbirth. Newborn humans have an exceptionally large head for their body size. It is our mental capacity (knowledge) that sets us apart from the animals and makes human childbirth painful. The Bible writer unwittingly made a link that is very profound.
Finally, the two parallel accounts of creation can give us insight in the intellectual development of early civilization.
Unfortunately, these observations are lost on those who literally believe the words of the Bible.