by betrayedbyall 27 Replies latest jw friends
I hope you are now doing just what EvilForce suggested :
Please seek mental help TODAY. Pick up the phone NOW and get some help. You need someone to talk to and probably antidepressant therepy as well. You need more help than this board can offer you.
Let us know. And then come back and talk with us some more. We care...
~Merry
I can't really add anything to what the other posters have said, other than to tell you not to take this lightly If you were this agitated and depressed to post here, then please take the necessary steps to get professional help on a local level, like Evil Force said.
You need to get this help, along with your many understanding friends on here---you can and will be able to get a grip on this terrible problem and begin to see the light at the end of this long dark tunnel.
We care.........
hugs,
Annie
Hi John,
Keep in touch, as many of us have been in the place you now sit.
There's a possibility that a few of us might be getting together somewhere in the Central Belt, next month. If you want to get together and sink a beer, you'd be more than welcome:
Oh, dear man!! Please go to your doctor and get some of the excellent medication now available for depression. It will take the edge off, calm you and help you get a grip. The advice here is right on, .esp Dr. Evil who said it best...get help now. Sleeping all the time is a classic depression symptom but you can sink deeper and deeper into the fog until you can"t get out of bed. Been there, done that! WE know what devastation you've been through. Please talk to someone ASAP. Your poor mom is to be commended for joining you even at her age....and she made a decision that's admirable...how many stories on this board of the shocking cruelty of family members toward their own flesh and blood! You need to get medical help now...you will sort out the crap later. I truly know how overwhelming it all looks. That's why you need to break it down to a simple one step at a time. And the first step is all about YOU getting help NOW! Love, Zu
Like evil force and all the others said, PICK UP THE PHONE! I know it sounds scarey, but you'll be glad you did. I refused to ask for help and these boards weren't around years ago. I remember getting to the point you described. Only I did attemt suicide, several times. God intervened each time. Being a nurse, I knew exactly how much to take of what. But someone always showed up in time to go to the hospital. I never called and told anyone. Someone would just show up.
But, get some proffessional mental health treatment. You don't have to wait until tomorrow.
shelley
Please, please do what everyone has advised. Make the call, you wont regret it. Intervention is what you need now, everything else can be sorted later.
I agree that making a call is very good advice; after you do that and reconsider, and get some assistance (been there and needed it) I want to invite you to a gig on the other side of the ocean: I'll be hosting an ApostateFest at my home in North York, Ontario (15 miles from downtown Toronto). PM me and let me know if you are interested in coming. I have a large yard, a screened porch, and a large house (if it rains). A B-que, some music, bring instruments, bring poetry, bring yourself. I have much floor space for those who want to go all night long. Faders, apostates, burned out elders and COs are welcome, as well as those interested and disinterested. Let's make some music, share some love, and laugh like hell - we've been there and back.
peace and blessings
Hello there betrayedbyall, I believe so many of us here can relate to what you are feeling right now, we have all been where you are believe me, and you will come out of this, but you are going to have to find the strength to overcome this situation. You have plenty of wonderful years to live, and all bad things come to an end when enough time passes.
I too was raised a witness, but unlike you I managed to leave when I was 22y/o. I realise that not only have you been raised in the "truth" but you have also been living it for so many more years. Are you married? Do you have any children?
Firstly, I know that it is instinctual for so many of us to feel deeply the pain that we have caused our familes. But you must realise right now that it is not your responsibility to live the life that they expect of you. The best thing you can do for them is to be absolutely true to yourself and what you know is right for you, in time they will see the happiness and the mental freedom this brings you, and their respect for you will return. It is completely self-centred of any family member to expect us to live a life that is condusvie with their plan. I'm sure your poor ol' mum is an absolute dear, but she has had her life, and now it is your turn to have yours.
It does get better, but it was my experience too that it often does get worse before it gets better, which sounds like where you are at at the moment. You can take comfort in the fact that you are at your lowest point, that it cannot get any worse, and that never again in your life will you feel the terrible pain and confusion that you are feeling now. When we've had our entire belief system yanked from out under us, and we've lost everything we've ever known and ever loved, it is absolutely no wonder that we feel such absolute despair. You must realise that this situation, and the terrible negative (almost suicidal) feelings you are feeling right now isn't a sign of your weak character, it is only a sign that you have been pushed to the absolute limit as a human being. The best advice that anyone ever gave me when I was in your very situation, was that what I was feeling was completely natural considering the circumstances I found myself in. Even the irradic behaviour, and the extreme up and down emotions were really quite predictable considering all the strain I was under.
You will come out of this, but you have to be committed to use whatever resources are available to you to better your situation. I've compiled a list of things that you could do to get through this difficult patch and move on with your life;
1. Start writing your feelings out. Write firstly for yourself, just as a tangible avenue for venting the pain, and generally allowing yourself an avenue for feeling sorry for yourself. Make lists of things you will do to help get yourself through the day, week, month and year, and stick to it as closely as possible.
2. Start working through in your mind why it is that you cannot and do not believe JW doctrine any longer. Why it is that this organisation is not an organisation of Jehovah's people.
3. Never feel guilty about posting on the forum. This place is not a place for apostates to come and b*tch about the org, this is a support group of the many thousands of people who have been where you are, and can fully relate to the way you feel.
4. Allow yourself to feel angered by the deceit, but learn to accept that you are a grown man and accept responsibility for the life choices you have made.
5. Keep yourself busy. Either take up a course, or university study on a subject that has always taken your interest, but you may never have felt right studying as a JW. This might be better than throwing yourself back into full-time work to start with.
6. Get invovled in a rewarding voluntary work project. Join a conservation or humanitarian group, one that you believe is working towards fundamental grassroot problems. It always helps to put our problems into perspective with those who even less.
7. Join a gym. Exercise creates endorphins, and endorphins make us happy. This will also give you the dedication and routine necessary to prove to yourself that you can stick with your goals.
8. Find a counsellor who specialises in helping people who have spent many years being indoctrinated by a religious organisation. Make sure that you have a good raport with your counsellor, don't necessarily expect to find the right one straight off the bat, but persist. There are counsellors in Europe who specialise in JW, this would be the best if you can afford it.
9. Plan a holiday or a backpacking trek away for yourself. Often travelling alone, especially in Europe is the bes way to meet great people, who inspire you. Don't think that only young 20something people do this, I have met many trekers my parents age while treking through Europe, and they were completely cool people.
10. Try to get out and about as much as possible. Don't be ashamed for having to do things on your own, plenty of people have to, and there is a very good reason why you are without solid networks at present.
11. Hold your head up high, don't be afraid to tell the new people that you meet where you are coming from. Allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself from time to time, but mostly allow yourself to feel grateful for what you have, and prove to yourself that you can take back the reigns of your life and move on.
These are merely suggestions, obviously you know your interests and passions far better than anyone else. Just remember that you have the answers in yourself for helping you to get through this period. It is an extremely lonely time, but when you come out of it you won't know yourself, you will be a better an stronger person than you ever were as a jw.
All the best. And please feel free to write/pm me anytime. Love from frog xx
Betrayedbyall, don't give up. All the previous posts on this board to you give excellent advice. Do seek professional help. In the meantime, know that you are not alone in what you are experiencing. I personally ended up in a psychiatric hospital after I left Jehovah's Witnesses because of profound depression. I did not make a immediate recovery. In fact, it took years to work out.
Sometimes, I feel a need to re-bond with the Witnesses. To feel the security I thought I had with them. Then I remember the reality of it all. The cruel treatment they administer to everyone, and more importantly to me, the lies of the WBTS and I go on with my life. Know you have made the right decision and go on with yours and be kind to yourself. You deserve it. Personally, this board is 75% responsible for getting me out of the organization and keeping me out. Hope it does the same for you.
You just got to stop for a few minutes and take a time-out. It looks like you have a trillion things running round your head. Whe it gets like this its very hard to see what your priorities should be.
I can only repeat the advice already given- principally to WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN- its incredible how theraputic this is, and secondly see a quack about it.... if nothing else he should be able to advise you from a mental and physical point of view.
Experience is a wonderful thing- good or bad. Even if its bad, it puts you in a position where if you find someone with similar problems, you could really make a difference in their lives by giving good advice based on the things you have had to deal with. Stick around, there will be people on this board that need your help as much as you need do now.
