What should I do?

misguided

When my youngest son came home from his weekend with his father, I realized it would soon be July, and my ex has a 10-day access period specified for July, and I thought I'd better write it on the calendar.

While doing this, my son tells me he's going to go somewhere with his dad, but he's not allowed to tell me. I said to him, "Hey, bud, you've got to tell me." He says, "okay, we're going to Kamloops." I sort of guessed that since that's where the district assembly is. I didn't make any sort of deal out of what he told me, because I want him to not fear telling me things.

The thing is, the court order states that my ex is not supposed to take my son more than 100 km radius from my home. Kamloops is 150 km from our home. Do you think it's a case of theocratic warfare? What should I do? I don't want to upset my son, either.

Rose

blondie

If is teaching your son to lie to you, yes.

Is it his time to have your son? Does your son want to go? How old is your son? Old enough to say no? If you were to approach the court, it would carry more weight if your son said he didn't want to go and why in his own words. I'm not aware of Canadian law though. I would call whatever person in the legal system that can advise you on this.

Good luck.

Blondie

doofdaddy

It's a tough one as what ever you do, your son will feel like he betrayed his dads secret. Can you talk to your ex? Sounds like there may be communication problems, true? If so,. is there someone who can mediate?

I have been thru similar stuations and aways it's the kids who suffer. I feel for you.

misguided

My son is 7, but due to complications during pregnancy, he's only at about a 5 year old level, mentally. There is a "no contact order" in place, as my ex was convicted of threatening us (I think I posted a portion of the sentencing report somewhere here before) so, yes, communication is a problem.

I know if I went to the district assembly myself, with the court order in hand and found them there, the police would apprehend the child right there. It's a serious thing to breach a court order with respect to access. So serious, they don't give such orders very often, only in cases where they think there is a threat to the child.

I just don't know if it's in my child's best interest to make a big deal out of it.

Rose

rebel8

My $.02:

I was brought up in a "mixed" household. My jw mother would constantly tell us to conceal stuff from our dad. Concealing essentially means lying, since we were not allowed to honestly answer his questions.

Once I recall discovering an unknown nook in our house. Told my mom and she said it was where we would hide when persecutors came to get us. Then I started to mention it to dad and she silenced me. Afterwards she said dad would be on the persecutors' side so she didn't want him to know the hiding place.

So this is what Iearned:

We should hide info from the unbeliever.
We should lie to the unbeliever.
The unbeliever is evil.
The unbeliever will readily use any information he has against us.
The unbeliever is not a trustworthy parent figure.

It took me years after leaving the borg to realize all the negative beliefs I had about my dad were unwarranted. While believing that crap, I simultaneously/secretly wished he would step up to the plate and not allow me to participate in the cult any more. I held onto resentment that he didn't stop the cult into early adulthood.

You are really in a pickle and I don't envy you. Ultimately do what you think is best for your child.

Surely your spouse could come up with a way to fulfill her perceived "spiritual" leadership role with her son in a way other than violating court orders!?

Ellie

Do you really think your son would enjoy sitting through a boring assembly, at the age of seven I think its cruel of his dad to take him.

It would be different if he was taking him a few extra kms to go camping or something, but obviously this isn't the case.

I think you should put a stop to it.

Your son doesn't have to know that its a big deal.

OldSoul

Just reminding him of the court order may be enough.

Try this: Ask him if he thinks it is a good idea to put your son through you having to hunt them down at the convention. Then smile sweetly and remind him to obey Caeser's Law.

homesteader

Amen OldSoul!!! If you don't put a big fuss like screaming, name calling etc and carry through the court order in a non-chalant manner i don't think your son will be affected. Remember if you give someone an inch, they take a mile. Tell ex that you would be happy to let him take son to where ever another weekend when and if things are prearranged and you know all of the details where they are going and what they will be doing.

Sunspot

Hello Rose,

I'm having a bit of trouble understanding something here.....

There is a "no contact order" in place, as my ex was convicted of threatening us

Am I right in assuming that you cannot contact the child's father and he cannot contact you? Does this work two ways? If so, are you supposed to allow your son to go and spend time with someone who was convisted of threats to you---and you have no control whatsoever as to where they go or what they DO?

I don't mean to pry into any area that is uncomfortable or plainly none of my business, but I can't see letting any of my kids be sent off to someone who is that unstable AND obviously a JW who wants to see that his son is exposed to the WTS "love" (gag). If so---I'd want assurance that all the rules would be followed!

Do you have any access to legal advice concerning all this?

Like I said---I may be misunderstanding a whole chunk of info on this....

hugs,

Annie

fri

Just use your beatiful ass shoes and kick him hard where it hurts if he takes your son over the limit (100 miles)

What should I do?

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