Lol Hubert!
Unbelieving Mate
A Common Dub Type?: The henpecked ubm who joins because of his nagging wife
by Check_Your_Premises 30 Replies latest jw experiences
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Check_Your_Premises
Yes, and yes !!!! You are describing my brother-in-law, and my son-in-law !!!
I had a feeling I was on to something. I kept hearing stories from former sisters here who would say, "my hubby joined when I did to keep the peace.... when I left, he left as well."
Another one I kept hearing about was from people raised as dubs, "...mom joined, and since she wore the pants, dad just went along with it..."
And then of course the observations I have made in the last 3 or 4 years.
In defense of these poor namby-pamby men, I do admit that I can give in on an awful lot of things just so I simply never have to hear my wife talk about it again. I know she will only find something else to prattle on about, but at least I don't have to hear about THAT thing anymore!!!
And I also think it can be awfully intimidating at times when you are surrounded with all these folks who are just so damn sure of themeselves. It really does take awhile to realize that it is a defense mechanism. Only people who aren't sure of themselves act that way, to compensate for reality. Real, honest people know they don't know what the hell is going on, so they admit it. I guess where the namby-pamby part comes in, is the weenie thinks, "I don't know what the hell is going on, but they are so confident, maybe they are right. I will accept them looking down on me for not beleiving it all, since I am not so sure about things...".
A person with some huevos will say, "Knock that crap off!!! You don't know what the hell is going on anymore than anybody else!!!".
I am glad it is all good. Actually this post came from a conversation I had with another poster. It was posted by me at his request. So it is a good thing I am not in trouble anymore, or it would be all his fault!!! And like a true namby-pamby I would be forced to blame it all on him, and request that all premenstrual rage be sent in his direction.
CYP Censer Watchtower esse delendam
slow-steady-deliberate-relentless
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stopthepain
I feel that you are onto something.It sounds alot like my family situatioon.
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Check_Your_Premises
So our genus is "converted-him door-knockerus" with two known species of "weenimus maximus" and "weenimus whippidus".
All right then. Unless there are any objections, I announce the discovery of the following species
Converted-him Door-Knockerus Weenumus Maximus
and
Converted-him Door-Knockerus Weenumus Whippidus
CYP
Censer Watchtower esse delendam
slow-steady-deliberate-relentless
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MelbaToast
my father was sorta like that...as far as being hen-pecked. He was baptized, but didn't really make any efforts, eg he got to handle mikes and be called an attendant, but no other "priveledges". I think he liked it that way.
He never had the chance to get out, because his wife is a diehard. Its a shame, really. He was a caring man, and was well liked by everyone, but he didn't want to be involved with the "groups". He passed and a memorial was held at the kh, but you know, the usual speech and crap was spouted off as a dub funeral goes, outline only.
I think it made my mom happy for him to be in, and he loved her so much he would do anything to make her happy. My mom continues to "wear the pants", even after his passing, and has passed the buck to my little brother, who is the spittin' image of my dad.
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vitty
Ive just called my hubba a weenie, he thinks im mad, but I like it I think that will be his new nickname but I wont tell him what it means LOL
Igot into the org about 5-6 years before my husband, he really tried hard to hold out but in the end all our social life revolved round the truth. He was so acceptable to everyone, eventually after a study with a really intelligent, nice elder, he started to believe it. I did wear him down, when I think of it but in a subtle way.
I would say it would make us more united as a family, instead of me going off with the kids to meetings.
Anyway, after 15 years, and a MS he saw through it but carried on for me. Then I found out the truth and we left together, boy was he relieved !
And he does wear the trousers (when I let him)
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Check_Your_Premises
Vitty,
I can't tell you how much I appreciate your candor. I do appreciate your input also, since I am presently putting up with all the crap you put yoru hubby through.
I do know some day that my sweetums will wise up. I will be there the whole time making the truth about the truth available (but I won't present it to her).
Myself and other UBM's I have talked to have a fantasy that we can never indulge but it does help at times.
Someday, when she is out, and she fully realizes what a huge pain in the ass and good for nothing waste of our lives/time/resources this has all been, I will look at her and say "Oh do you owe me! You have to put up with me having an affair, or develop a drug habit, or hey maybe I WILL JOIN A STUPID CULT!!!!"
But then I feel better. I am so glad you are out. All kidding aside. I truly am. I am so glad you have made your weenie's dreams come true. Go home and let him fix dinner and rub your feet. He deserves it!!!
Honestly, he can't come up with more self respecting reaction to you calling him a weenie, then to "wonder if you are mad at him"!?!?
CYP
Censer Watchtower esse delendam
slow-steady-deliberate-relentless
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RichieRich
this perfectly describes some people I know. You are on the ball.
My dad = exception to the rule. You could chain a bible to his nipple and he wouldn't read it.
And to think I used to leave Awake articles randomly scattered about for him to read...
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Netty
This was sort of true in my parents case. My dad did follow my mother in, but he was definately never a hen pecked weinie. But I think it may have been out of guilt, because he abused her, and she ran to the cult for cover.
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vitty
CYP LOL he doest think im mad at him (hes used to that) he just thinks im a MAD person
I started giggling and shouted over "hey weenie" he ignored me at first, then after I said "oy, your a weenie" he just just said "yeah right" and started snoring!!!!!!!!
Seriously, thankgod you have knowledge he didnt have, at least you know. He really did (does) love me but it caused so many problems in our marriage, especially when he wanted out, at least you know how to help your wife, and yes I do believe youll get her out
As for owing you big time, my hubby says that too but I dont mind cos I do