"I'll be praying for you"

by Sam Beli 11 Replies latest jw friends

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  Sam Beli

  “I’ll be praying for you”

  This thread is not about literally praying for someone (not trying to get into a discussion here about the existence of a God) so much as it is about the thought behind such words uttered by one person by another individual who the speaker knows is facing a difficult situation. Here is what happened to me while I was still trying to hang on as a JW (though I knew full-well that there were many problems with the JW faith):

  A few years ago I faced a life-threatening illness. It was a slowly progressive illness that led down-hill over a three year period. I became progressively weaker and paler. I missed many meetings at the local KH, but did manage to get to work most days (had to hang onto the job for the insurance benefits). My work output became less efficient and towards the end I was putting in shorter and shorter work days (my employer was very understanding).

  As death approached an organ transplant was the only hope held out to me. I was successfully transplanted and I am alive today only because of the transplant. But, I am not here to talk about transplants; I mention this only to let you know the seriousness of my situation.

  Not once did a JW tell me that he/she would be praying for me or that I would be remembered in their prayers. I did not think about or expect the JWs to say that they would pray for me, but I could not help but contrast the JW reactions to my situation with the responses of my co-workers. Dozens of “worldly’ co-workers said that they would be praying for me. Many ladies gave me big hugs and said that they would be praying for me. Some even said that they prayed for me in their church the previous Sunday! I was dumb-founded! The out-pouring of care and affection, much if it from near strangers, was so unlike anything I had experienced as a JW that I was struck by the contrast. All those years for hearing from Brooklyn about how loving “Jehovah’s Organization” was compared to the “world,” and yet here was evidence that plainly refuted that claim.

  The unconditional care and love shown by so many near strangers helped me to move further away for the “Organization” and has helped me now to be more comfortable among many “worldly” persons than with almost any JW.

  Warm regards,

  Sam Beli
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  blondie

  Thanks, Sam. I'm glad you did find support and were able to accept their love...

  I enjoy your balanced comments....no JW bashing...just the facts.
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  patio34

  Hiya Sam,

  Good story. It is strange, isn't it? Once at my work, a woman's husband was dying and a card went around. Most signed it saying something about prayers, but my 'conscience' decided it would be hypocritical since JWs only pray for someone to be converted. It seems cold, doesn't it?

  Pat
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  Stephanus

  Hmmm, in my religious background, people who said "I'll be praying for you" usually meant they couldn't be bothered actually doing anything for you or spend time with you, but still wanted to earn spiritual brownie points and look good by saying that. I started to counter it by saying to someone who had said that: "Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount said that a prayer known to anyone but God and the person who prayed is it's own reward and is unlikely to be answered. Thanks a lot for telling me about it and wrecking the chances of it coming to pass!" It was kind of like when people who couldn't be bothered learning your name just called you "Brother": a spiritual sounding nothing.
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  Thirdson

  Hi Sam,

  The "love" that JWs claim to have is not all that it is claimed to be. You point out some basic truths about people on the outside of Watchtowerdom, that there is plenty of faith, goodness, care and love. I am glad things went well for you and hope you are fully recovered...all those prayers must have worked ; )

  I have found much more genuine love outside of the "org", that after being brought up to believe that only JWs had "love". I do remember as a JW saying I would mention someone in my prayers or announced from the platform that so-and-so was in hospital and we may want to visit, send card or "keep this one in our prayers". Others did too. But I think this was in frequent. Partly I think JWs have a problem praying for personal things and listening to public prayers they mainly follow the "party" line of praying for God's blessing on the FDS, the GB, local field service, the elders, the pioneers, the worldwide preaching work and "for our (nameless) brothers suffering persecution". It is rare that anyone gets a mention by name and certainly no one asks for anything that might not be God's will!

  The same problems exist in JW funerals, heaven forbid any eulogizing! And on a personal note, it was often customary on wedding cards to add a note of wishing God/Jah's/Jehovah's blessing on the marriage and the couple. When I got married last year my parent's card (they didn't attend) conveyed the wish of much happiness but prayer, faith or God were not mentioned. Must be something to do with my marrying a non-JW and even worse getting married in a Cathedral.

  Thirdson

  'To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing'
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  Pierced Angel

  When my brother was missing (we didn't know he had died for a whole week) we had a hundred or more volunteers searching for him, neighbors bringing food, money and volunteering their car, one man offered to cut the grass and others spread fliers all over town to help get the word out that he needed to be found. The love shown to my family was amazing and made me realize how much these "worldly" people cared about helping someone in need.
  My brother wasn't a witness, but my parents were (they hadn't attended meetings much at the time, but still talked to some witnesses in the congregation). Not one of the witness friends showed up at the funeral and only a couple sent a card. They waited for a couple of weeks and showed up to discuss the resurrection hope when my parents were emotionally weak and vulnerable. Their reason (as I found out later) was that since my brother wasn't in the truth and the talk wasn't at the hall, they didn't feel right attending. That should have made me wake up right then, but I stupidly let it go, blaming it on their imperfections and figuring that I shouldn't take it as badly as I felt.

  I'll never forget the love shown by total strangers and I feel thankful to God that I experienced it so that I can make sure to be the same way towards others whenever I can.

  "Too much of a good thing, is wonderful."

  Mae West
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  Sam Beli

  Hi Blondie and thanks for your kind words.

  Pat, I probably did the same thing during my JW days

  Stephanus, you said “…people who said "I'll be praying for you" usually meant they couldn't be bothered actually doing anything for you or spend time with you,…”

  I’m sure that in some cases your are correct, but I didn’t take most of their comments that way; after all, what could they really do for me? Only my doctors and the fine family that donated their precious loved-one’s organs could really do anything meaningful for me, beyond praying. I had several hospitalizations as I became more ill and many of these persons did spend time with me in my hospital room, even very busy professional people took time out of their busy schedules to visit me. They were sincere, IMHO.

  You also said: "Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount said that a prayer known to anyone but God and the person who prayed is it's own reward and is unlikely to be answered. Thanks a lot for telling me about it and wrecking the chances of it coming to pass!" It was kind of like when people who couldn't be bothered learning your name just called you "Brother": a spiritual sounding nothing.”

  I don’t take such a literal interpretation of Jesus’ words. The principle here, it seems to me, is to not go out of one’s way to make a public display of one’s gifts, be it a prayer or other gift. Remember these were not JWs and they did not call me “brother.” They did know my name and used it during their payers in their church; and some did come over to my house to help out, some brought food, and others ran errands for me and my family. I did not take a cynical view of their prayers because I believed that many were sincere. They told me about their prayers in the hope that it would give me comfort.

  Hope that clarifies things Stephanus.

  Warm regards,

  Sam Beli
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  Had Enough

  Like Thirdson said, I too was brought up to believe only JWs had real love among ourselves.

  Its very sad to realize that most of those ones I thought were true friends was just ones going through the motions.

  I must say though, I have met some JWs who do show a real genuine love for all, including for non-witnesses too, but I wonder how much of that is just their nature anyway, not due to JW training.

  I sometimes wish I could find more good to remember about growing up in the org, but I see through too many things now..the whole picture, not just the one painted for us in the publications and talks.

  patio34: I shuddered when I read your words about signing a card for someone at work:

  Most signed it saying something about prayers, but my 'conscience' decided it would be hypocritical since JWs only pray for someone to be converted. It seems cold, doesn't it?

  It's too bad we were so ingrained to "reason" this way...it was actually more hypocritical not to pray for someone's health, wasn't it.

  I sometimes get very down thinking of how warped my thinking was for so many years. It can wear you out dwelling on those lost years. That's why I am so grateful I've found this board.

  Like someone just recently said to me, I've only just scratched the surface of the extent of the wrong teachings....so much yet to re-learn....including even how to pray, truly from the heart.

  Had Enough

  "Never doubt that a small group of citizens can change the world.
  Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."...Margaret Mead
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  Sam Beli

  Thirdson, it sounds like you and I had similar experiences during our witnessdom days.

  Angel, I am so sorry to hear about your brother. Kind a crazy how the services could not be held in the KH (if you had wanted it) because he was not a JW, while at the same time they would not go to the services because they were not held I in the KH. Is that circular negativism?

  Anyway, I wish you well as you assemble your life post Watch Tower.

  Warm regards,

  Sam Beli
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  Billygoat

  I am amazed daily at the amount of love and support I get from my "worldly" friends and acquaintances. As a JW, I was always told that worldly people just went through the motions when it came to love/support/friendship/prayers. That it was never heartfelt and after the initial comment you'd never see them again. A little ironic, huh?

  Billygoat