Question for those who have left the WT with small children??

PaNiCAtTaCk

My 5 year old starts school in Aug at the same time my wife and I are facing the crisis of leaving the WT. To any who left the WT with small children how did you handle things? What did you tell them? How do you handle holidays? Flag salute? At this point im leaning towards the "Obey the teacher" approach. Someone asked him today about Easter and he told them we dont celebrate Easter or parties. It tore my heart up listening to him. If I choose to let him be a normal kid its going to be very difficult knowing that in a month he will be saluting a flag and coloring pictures of pumkins in a couple more months. Help me! What do I do! Will I be destroyed for this??? I cant believe Im even asking these questions. A year ago I was literature servant and now im asking about letting my child salute a flag?????????

jeanniebeanz

WOW...difficult transition.

However, at five your child is still very flexible in ideas. I told my kids to just enjoy themselves at school and follow the direction of the teacher, when they expressed their confusion I explained that, 'mommy made a mistake before. Jehovah does not mind if we *insert whatever here* and he really just wants us to have fun at the *birthday party, whatever*."

It was very easy to just keep doing that. I answered them as they questioned, but did not take the 'global flood' method of sitting them down and telling them everything. They are not ready for that.

The hardest part for me was my own nagging doubts and fears. The more certain you are of your reasons for leaving the WTBTS, the easier it is to find ways to explain yourself to your kids in a way that makes sense to them.

Where are you at in your recovery from the mind control?

Jeannie

PaNiCAtTaCk

I have posted here several times and have been helped tremendously with my doubts. You ask where im at with mind control. I have read both Coc and Isocf and plus ive had correspondence with Ray Franz and have found him to be a genuine person which also helped. Im currently seeing a counselor which is also helping. I also have read, read, read everything on the net and on this site every day. Even after all of this I still have doubts about leaving sometimes and about killing my wifes faith and how I should raise my son. My wife made plans to work out on at the gym this last thursday and it was bitter sweet for me. It felt good to see her plan something like working out on a meeting night and at the same time I felt guilt. What if, What if im wrong and im going to get her and family destroyed. Thats where im at right now. Still battling Guilty feelings.

cruzanheart

When I finally left, the children were 6 and 8. They were used to being "different" and not doing flag salute, holidays, birthdays, etc. Our six-year-old son was rather cautious about all this new stuff, but our daughter jumped into it gleefully and has never looked back! She walks into school with her shoulders back and head held high, greeting friends like an equal. We told both of them, "do what feels right to you" and our son decided not to do the flag salute for another year or two because it didn't feel right. The teachers were marvelously understanding when we explained what was going on.

Christmas is TOTALLY AWESOME, by the way!!! That's my favorite holiday.

Enjoy!

Nina

homesteader

You are being a great parent being concerned about your little one. Relax!!! First of all if you look at things through JW's eyes is your being on this website any worse than letting your child salute the flag or celebrate a holiday? If you were to exclude everything pagan in your life that would meant throwing out your wedding band, not saying the days of the week or months of the year as they are all named after pagan gods and many other things.

When I was fading and felt uncomfortable doing things that I thought were wrong I would wonder why it mattered. According to JWs I was going to be destroyed for not attending meetings, not going out in service etc. So what did another 'wrong' matter. One thing my therapist told me really helped. He said "Ask yourself what validity is there in what they are teaching you. What validity is there in what your believe? And what do you feel most comfortable with?"

I think at 5 years old you can tell the child that you understand and God understands and it's ok if he wants to salute the flag or color a pumpkin etc. It is very hard for a child that age to do something different from what the whole class is doing. I would be more concerned about him being affected socially and psychologically because he has to do something different from all his little friends. You might want to explain to the teacher where you are at and why the child might seem a little confused. If you don't continue to pound it in his head that these things are wrong and pagan he won't worry about it.

For many years I fretted about what my four, now adult children were doing in school when it came to the holidays etc. Now in retrospect it was no big deal. They ended up doing things like smoking, drinking and other things anyway. I really regret not letting them be a part of school and what their classmates were doing. My youngest son who just graduated went to the prom and looked so nice with his date. He didn't go out and get smashed afterwards. It blew my mind that I once thought something as innocent as going to the prom was considered "evil."

Best Wishes

LyinEyes

My oldest son was 14 when we left , my daughter was almost 9 and youngest son 7. My oldest son, was glad he had some teenage years left to live borg free, and had been doubting ( yet tried to be faithful) the JW way, so leaving was not so hard on him, because he had his own views anyway. My daughter was alot like Nina's daughter, she just embraced the exjw way, expressing her hatred for meetings, dresses and pantyhose and she still hasnt talked much about Jehovah since we left. My youngest son had the hardest time out of the kids, he thought Jehovah was going to be mad at us for leaving. He wondered if our loved ones went to heaven, what if Armageddon really does come, is there hellfire now?? etc. etc. It was a transition, standing and saluting the flag at football games, our first Xmas, birthdays, but it didnt take long at all for it to be almost "normal". The younger they are the better , they adjust very well.

Like Nina and Chris told their kids, Denny and I said the same. " Do or say what YOU think is right, do what feels right to YOU". And that worked for us as well. Our kids are pretty well adjusted after 3 years, and rarely speak of the JW doom anymore, now it is more memories of a boring life without friends, school, sports, birthdays and holidays.

We told both of them, "do what feels right to you"

That's what I did with my kids (all 6 of 'em)...and that seems to have worked for me.

Rose

Question for those who have left the WT with small children??

PaNiCAtTaCk

jeanniebeanz

PaNiCAtTaCk

cruzanheart

homesteader

LyinEyes

G Money

Carmel

PaNiCAtTaCk

misguided

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