They will just register your credit card number per the organization's latest "suggestion", and twice a month they will charge a (unrelated) donation to your card and they will download a PDF Watchtower magazine to you for you to print out ONE copy per (unrelated) donation. Local donations at the Kingdom Halls may still be made using cash, BUT donations to the "Society" usually made at the assemblies should be made at the Kingdom Halls by wire funds transfer directly to the Society at least a month BEFORE the assembly by EVERYONE, even those not able to attend the assembly because giving funds at the assembly is the SAME as giving money directly to Jehovah and is a loving provision from Jehovah himself. There are murmurers that the Society is very interested in money but that is not true because Jesus didn't value money and neither do we.
50 years from now, How will The Watchtower Change?
by VM44 18 Replies latest jw friends
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garybuss
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katiekitten
how will the annointed change in 50 years time - weeell... they will be 50 years older!
- but they'll still be alive, cos theres something in that bread they eat.
I think it will all still be going, you will be able to download the Witchtower and Asleep onto your i-pod, and the borg will have to think of new ways to raise money - maybe parking charges in the car park, or rentaseat in the KH - where you have to feed a meter infront of you if you want to sit down.
Every dub will have to speak with a meaningful american accent - even the dubs in Britain - EVEN the dubs in Newcastle, because it will be the accent of honesty and trustworthyness, the happifying accent.
All female dubs will have to have breast enlagements, and go flirty fishing for jesus.
Everyone will be sterile, so they'll have to find another way of making the numbers grow. Drone dubs will be kept on farms - the bethel farm - and alternate limbs will be harvested to grow into new dubs.
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Bendrr
Jehovah's Witnesses in 2055.In 2014, the date 1914 will be quietly eliminated thanks to "new light" and Jesus' second coming and the "last days" will be moved to sometime during the Cold War or maybe even the War on Terror. By 2014, they could even conceivably use 9/11 as a new date since it's in the first year of the new millenium and.....well it was a pretty pivotal date that is more fresh on everyones' minds than the start of World War I.
In 2015, after lengthy and expensive legal battles, disfellowshippings and disassociations will no longer be announced publicly. The shunning policy will remain in effect unofficially as outlined in the June 2015 Kingdom Service.
In 2017, internet access will be prohibited for all Witnesses. Those Witnesses who are employed in internet-related fields will have a 1-year grace period to find new occupations. At the same District Convention, it is also announced that beards and divorce are matters of conscience.
In 2020, they'll use expanded Eminent Domain powers to establish a new Bethel well away from New York. Public criticism will be portrayed as persecution. Lawsuits will shut down Jehovahs-Witness.com and other ex-JW sites for the rest of the year until savvy "apostates" re-establish their sites on servers in Russia and Iraq.
In 2021 they will ammend the prohibition on blood transfusions to include synthetic blood that was developed in 2019. Some synthetic blood components will still be a matter of conscience.
In 2022 "new light" will allow all synthetic blood and make transfusions of real blood, still used in poorer third world countries, a matter of conscience.
In 2023, the only blood prohibition will be based on the Bible and therefore only consuming blood by eating or drinking it will be prohibited. "New Light" strikes again!
In 2030 further simplifications will be announced for the conventions and assemblies. Instead of annual circuit assemblies and district conventions, there will be one regional convention held every other year, with all content coming via satellite from Bethel (now located in Arizona). Local vendors will be awarded contracts for food service and proceeds will go to fund the World Wide Work. A suit filed by McDonald's and Chick-Fil-A against this arrangement loses in the Supreme Court.
In 2034, military service will become a matter of conscience with no sanctions thanks to "new light". Witnesses are still discouraged from owning firearms, though one "long gun" is permissible per household.
In 2041, "new light" will reveal that the "Thousand Years" began in 2001. The "Watchtower" network will debut on Clear Channel's satellite internet television.
In 2042, Witnesses will once again be allowed to go online. Stoops manufacturing offers the only "approved" computers, able to access only the Watchtower Network and equipped with monitoring devices to deal with tampering or unauthorized use. Mass disfellowshippings "aren't" announced later that year, but there are tens of thousands of Judicial Committee meetings nonetheless.
In 2049, a delegation from Proxima Centauri 4 arrives on Earth and lands at the Vatican. The October issue of The Watchtower begins a 5-part series exposing Proxima Centauri 4 as the Wild Beast of Revelation since the aliens met with Pope Innocent XXVIIII, the first Israeli-born Pope. Jehovahs-Witness.com and JehovahsWitnessChitChat.com sound an early warning of a new "apostacy" brewing within the Witnesses and seven million subscribers read it here (and there) first.
By 2052, seven million Witnesses have "left" the Organization in the most massive purge since the Inquisition over the official doctrine regarding extraterrestrials. (82 other planets are shown to have intelligent life in 2050)
In 2055, a little over 140,000 of the remaining "faithful" Witnesses retreat to Cuba, obtained by the Watchtower Society under International Eminent Domain laws through the United Nations in a secret deal in 2010. They are told that they've reached Paradise.
How's that?
Mike.
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greendawn
Or another more pessimistic scenario for them, a good cult busting operation will cause their numbers to dwindle to about 100 000 of the most brain dead, and their expansion in the third world will also be obstructed by neutralising their propaganda, to minimise victims. They will lose most of their assets in law suits and mounting debts and will become a totally insignificant and marginal entity.
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poppers
2055: Bendrr is recognized as a true prophet despite winning the Pulitzer Prize for creative writing; a significant portion of those who remain as JWs break off
to establish a new religion based on his prophecies. -
loosie
I"m scared now Mike.
but they'll still be alive, cos theres something in that bread they eat.
It's called Miracle Wheat...lol -
Bonnie_Clyde
Hey Bendrr: You forgot! The end has to be here by 2034 because that will be 120 years from 1914.
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OUTLAW
80% of large corporations eventually go out of business..WBTS is not doing too good right now..They may have to sell the Jehovah`s Witness`s just to survive....Lets start the bidding at $100.00...This is a fine specimen of a JW...He`s still got all his teeth and still has a good 20yr`s of work in him...Do I hear $200.00!!..Would somebody please buy this friggin dub!..I still have 5,999,999to sell,and at this rate it`s going to take the rest of my life..$200.00,anyone?Anyone?....LOL!!...OUTLAW
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Bendrr
2055: Bendrr is recognized as a true prophet despite winning the Pulitzer Prize for creative writing; a significant portion of those who remain as JWs break off to establish a new religion based on his prophecies.
Bendrr's Witnesses is formed in the Bahamas in 2056 and an 84-year-old Bendrr appoints Englishman to the new Governing Body. Someone wakes Englishman up and he decrees that anyone caught knocking on a stranger's door will be deported to France. Then after mumbling something about Manchester and Jeff Gordon being gay, he goes out for a drink with Her Ladyship wondering how he got dragged into this in the first place.
Hey Bendrr: You forgot! The end has to be here by 2034 because that will be 120 years from 1914.
In 2035, the January issue of the Watchtower carries a study article entitled "We Never Said That!". Mike.