Welcome to the form ACSIF (did I get that right?).
I remember that worthless feeling as a teenager. You could never be "perfect" enough, you could'nt do too well at school or follow your talents (I wanted to be a soldier-that wouldn't have gone over too well!) or make real friends there as well (and more often than not, not inside the cong. either if you followed the rules). It was the org.'s inabilty to deal with normal adolescence behaviour that finished it for me in my early twenties.
When somebody tells you what not to read, start asking questions about their motivations!
W.