Hello everyone. I’ve been posting for about a month now. I’ve finally finished writing about my life. It’s long and complicated. Life can be messy (especially when you’re a bisexual ex-Catholic married to a Borg).
This is the story of how I came to marry a Borg.
In the late 80’s I fell in love with a pretty, intelligent college woman. We went to UC XXXX together. I studied poli sci and she studied anthropolgy. We lived in the same dorm together for a time and we did lots of fun things together. She was very vivacious and funloving. We were a couple for about a year an a half. We were lovers and the best of friends. It was the best of times.
As graduation time drew close for me we broke up. I was the one who initiated the breakup. It was a stupid, immature thing to do. I think I did it because I thought life would be less complicated without a long distance relationship (I was moving back with my parents in Los Angeles). She dropped out of college and eventually decided to return to the mid-West, where she grew up.
I realized I was a fool for breaking up with her and I tried to reconcile with her. We both still loved each other but now we had a long distance relationship to deal with (in an era before email was common). But the distance turned out to be the least of our problems. She started studying the bible with some JWs whom she had met at work and she joined the Borg Collective.
I remember when she became Borg how she sent me a little book about evolution and creationism. She was a former anthro major -- I couldn’t believe she could believe this JW crap. We would spend hours on the phone with me trying to convince her of the falsehoods of her newfound faith. Eventually, she said that the elders told her to stop talking to me about their doctrines. Soon thereafter, we stopped talking to each other except for an occasional phone call every three months or so. We loved each other but she was Borg and I wasn’t. We remained friends, our friendship preserved by the memory of our love for each other. It was a very dark time for me. I ended up having a number of relationships with women that weren’t really emotionally fulfilling. I’m bisexual by nature (though I tend to prefer woman) and I had difficulty meeting women whom I could feel safe talking to about my sexuality. (My fear comes from my screwed up, anti-gay, sex negative attitude of a Catholic upbringing.) I abused alcohol and marijuana at this time. I abused these substances to numb the loneliness in my life. I continued to abuse these substances until only a couple of years ago.
In 1991 she married a fellow Borg. She married him because she was lonely. They were married for 5 years. She said she never loved him. They never had any kids together. They eventually divorced. She said that she never loved him. I don’t think either of them had an affair either. I don’t think either of them were DF’d, but I don’t know for sure.
During her marriage, she started getting some counseling and taking Prozac to deal with depression. She began to deal with child abuse issues that have plagued her since she was a little girl. Her mother and father are both alcoholics and her mother severely abused her both verbally and mentally as a small child. Her father turned a blind eye to the abuse. I think that this abuse turned her into a “Borg candidate”. I think that the Borg was attractive to this emotionally damaged woman. It gave her structure. It gave her rules to live by. These are things she never had as a child.
A short time after her divorce she called me. We hadn’t spoken since her marriage. I eventually went out to see her. She didn’t look good. She had lost a lot of weight and she was already a skinny gal to begin with. I was worried about her but I hoped that the worst was behind her. We spent a few days together. We even made love one night at the hotel I was staying at. It was a big surprise for me and I saw it a good sign that maybe she would leave the Borg. We talked about getting back together but she was still a Borg and I wasn’t. Times marches on. We keep in touch over the phone, only talking to each other every couple months or so. Each time we talked its like we are picking at the scab of our love. We knew we still loved each other, we knew there was hope. I continue dating other women and getting stoned a lot. During this time I even had a infrequent sexual relationship with my best (male) friend.
In 1999 a college friend of ours in California was getting married and I was invited. I debated whether to ask her to come as my guest and she said yes. It was wonderful seeing old friends again and having her at my side. It was like we were a couple again. Soon thereafter, she invited me and a few of our old college friends for a weekend to a condo in the Rockies that her mom has. One couple that came are in a mixed marriage -- Jewish and Catholic. We knew that they went through a lot of bullshit before they got married, but they overcame it. They brought their two little kids. They are so fantastic. They are being raised in the tradition of both religions. Seeing how they overcame their religious differences gave us the strength to overcome our differences.
About a month after this encounter, I invited her spend the weekend with me. In was a very romantic weekend in Santa Barbara. We went to the beach and we talked about marriage and how we would raise children. She agreed to let me celebrate everything that I’m used to celebrating and that our children could also celebrate these things. I agreed to let her take them to bible study. I proposed marriage and she accepted.
She came out to California and we got married. So far we've been married a year and half and we now have a 6 month old son. So far, life with her is better than life without her. True, she is Borg and is therefore not living life to its fullest. However, I’m not lonely anymore and have a beautiful son whom I love very, very much. I enjoy being a dad.
So why am I here posting ? My life sounds grand doesn’t it? Wrong. She developed a repulsion to oral sex!!! I think that oral sex is natural and I refuse to live without it. We both have enjoyed oral sex together over the years. Then about 6 months ago, around the time my son was born, I noticed that there was a decrease in the amount of oral sex we were having. I figured it was due the pregnancy -- we weren't having much sex anyway. However, when we starting engaging in sex again a few months after the pregnancy, there was no oral sex involved. I kind of ignored it at first but eventually, I realized that something was wrong. She just kept quite about it, like I wouldn’t notice or something. I told myself that the Borg must have screwed with my wife's sex program. I confronted my wife about it. She claimed she found the practice "revolting" and that she no longer wanted to have oral sex. I knew she was lying to me and to herself (based on our long sexual history together). I figured our marriage was headed to divorce. She was totally unwilling to compromise on the issue. I figured we would get divorced since I didn't want to be married to someone who couldn't compromise and because I didn't want to go without oral sex the rest of my life. A breakthrough came when she talked to the wife of an elder about the issue. It turns out that this wife of an elder and her husband had an issue with oral sex some time ago. They talked to a CO about it and he said it was ok for married people. After talking to this woman, my wife did 180 degree turn and said she like oral sex again. (If that's not proof she's in a cult, I don't know what is!)
Fortunately, this issue didn't destroy our marriage but it came pretty damn close. I now think of my wife as a ticking time bomb. When will the Borg doctrines hurt us next? I’m now determined to get her out of the Borg. I’m reading “Releasing the Bonds” by Steve Hassan and trying to develop a strategy to get her out. I know it may take a long time. Since I been on this website I’ve learned a lot of things. Knowledge is power and I’ve learned just how dangerous the Borg really is. I know I underestimated that danger factor because I was blinded by love. However I’m hoping that same love will give my wife and me strength we need to overcome her Borg programming.
Peace,
Ray Skythunder