Watchtower Haikus

ColdRedRain

I'll start.

Blood Ideology

A Baseless doctrine, hark!, legalistic crusade, kills children quickly.

A False Prophecy

Ninteen Fourteen, Eightenn Seventy-Four liars, poor gullible souls

1975 was another scum that got the dubs working extra hard and making great sacrifices as "a fine way to end their time in this system of things"

Russell was using pyramid measurements to arrive at the 1914 date as the start of Armageddon and got disgraced when it failed to arrive.

Rutherford was pressuring the dubs not to get married or at least not to have children.

ColdRedRain

Umm, haikus have 17 sylables, not 17 words, and they're arranged like this.

Sample Haiku

Five sylables do,

make top verse, seven center

five create the last.

Leolaia

Watchtower History in Haiku, by Leolaia

Barbour and Russell
What a team, they alone knew
Jesus was present

Too bad they split up
But Russell, he started up
Zion's Watch Tower

The Parousia
Began in '74
The harvest begins

1881
New bodies, resurrection
Oh wait, never mind

In 1914
Anarchy, Armageddon
Just you wait and see

The Great Pyramid
Prophecy, God's stone witness
Now Satan's Bible

Sorry Maria
Jellyfish, Rose Ball, Twain One
But I'm "That Servant"

Pastor Russell says
Millenial Dawn, it's here
Then oops he just died

Finished Mystery
Posthumous, but ghost written
In 1917

A new president
New bylaws, legal wrangling
Goodbye directors

In 1918
New bodies, churches destroyed
Instead: Year's jail time

Next year, out of jail
Cedar Point, Rutherford says
"Advertise the King"

Millions now living
said the Judge, will never die
Wait till '25

Buy all Russell's books
That's until I write my own
Buy the Harp of God

The ancient worthies
'25, they're here this year
Just any day now

Well, they're not here yet
Build a house, San Diego
Call it Beth Sarim

Of course it's my house
A mansion with Cadillacs
And my dear Bonnie

Judge Rutherford drinks
Pass out drunk, snooze hangover
Wake up with new light

Woodworth's Golden Age
Quackery, new calendars
Ban vaccinations

We need a new name
No longer Bible Students
We're now Witnesses

Hey you Jonadabs
Think you're going to heaven?
Too bad, not for you

Who's the enemy?
Catholics, Big Business, Satan
Yiddish clergymen

Hey Adolf Hitler
my good friend, can we make nice?
We're on the same side

Adolf not impressed
German Witnesses, goodbye
Concentration camps

Won't salute the flag
Not anti-American, just
Pro-theocracy

It's now World War Two
Maybe now, Armageddon
Just months remaining

Blood can save your life
Transfusions thou shalt not take
Eating blood is death

Nathan Homer Knorr
The New World Society
It's really a cult

The Watchtower says
Obey us, Christ directs us
We are your Mother

Secret committee
Hey let's make our own Bible
New World Translation

The Cold War terror
World War Three, nuclear war
God's kingdom ahead

1950s' growth
Amazing! But '60s growth?
Slowed down to a crawl

Armageddon soon!
Freedom in the Sons of God
We must preach, preach, preach

Six thousand years over
In 1975
Millennium dawns

Truth book, sell your home
Stop smoking, study quickly
Get baptized, get saved

Organ transplants ban
Cannibalism is wrong
Too bad if you're dying

It's '75
But Eve came too late
So no New World yet

Knorr dies and guess what?
Governing body is tops
President, small fry

Porneia, disco
Oral sex, The Exorcist
Demons everywhere

Bethel apostates
Franz, Dunlap, Watters and friends
GB kicks them out

Poztates everywhere!
Shun them all, don't say hello
They're all enemies

1986
Year of peace, security
Could it be the end?

Sodom, Gomorrah
Yes they'll be resurrected
Oh wait, maybe not

Cold war is now over
The generation is old
Almost passed away

Don't ask for payment
When you go from door to door
Just contribution

Very wacky book
The Revelation Climax
Extremely cultish

The Oracle's dead
Freddie Franz, our guiding light
Recycle his books

The generation
Is a people, not a time
The end is postponed

Separate sheeps, goats
You thought you were doing it
That is now old light

We must simplify
Too much money being spent here
No more food service

Hello scarlet beast
Can I be your friend, U.N.?
Need library card

The zeal is now gone
Annual increase is so low
U.S. now zero

Hide information
But now there's the internet
Beware of strangers

The two witness rule
Abuse, silent lambs, exposé
Now lawsuits, lawsuits

JWD
Information free of charge
Help, heal, vent, and learn

kgfreeperson

Whistles! Stamps floor! Wild applause!

frankiespeakin

Leo,

That was some Hiakus, never seen the misadventures of the WT org so condensed and so true. Wish you could slip this one in thier year book.

iggy_the_fish

It has to be said, Leolaia, that is bloomin' brilliant

ig.

greendawn

Very impressive Leolaia all dubs should study this recapitulation of the great sins of FDS.

Satans little helper

I witnessed bull shit

almost a daily basis

but I saw the light

I left at eighteen

I smoked and got laid alot

they said I was bad

Watchtower Haikus

ColdRedRain

horrible life

greendawn

ColdRedRain

Leolaia

kgfreeperson

frankiespeakin

iggy_the_fish

greendawn

Satans little helper

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