Discipline or Child Abuse? (page 3)

undercover

At the risk of being ostracized...I think there is a time and place for spanking. Not to the extent that most people think of though. Too many people use spanking, hitting, slapping, whatever as a shortcut because they lack the patience or skill to deal with a misbehaving child.

Spanking a child because he can't sit still at the hall is wrong. Expecting a two year old to sit still during a boring religious service is expecting too much and a parent that hits a child for being restless is bordering on being abusive.

Reacting out of anger or impatience and hitting a child is wrong. It's also abusive. Hitting out of the moment of anger or frustration is not discipline.

When is it the right time to spank a child? I can't answer that. Some never need a spanking, other forms of discipline work. Others might need a little time behind the wood shed to impress upon them the importance of obeying a parent.

My parents were not ones to spank a lot. In fact I can remember most of the times I got it. I deserved it I might add. But I also remember my mother lashing out in anger and hitting me one time. I was wrong then too but it wasn't the hit I remember but the fury and anger behind it as she lost her cool and lashed out at me.

My father only hit me one time in my life. I deserved it also. I wasn't a child but a teenager. A sullen, disrespectful, angst filled teenager. After getting the wrong tone of voice out of me during a serious discussion about my bad attitude, he smacked the shit out of me, but good. But instead of leaving the situation on a violent note though, he picked me up, yep, he hit me that hard, and he hugged me hard and cried and told me that he loved me and didn't want to see me get in trouble. Some might say that was abuse, but being the only time he ever did it and after being constantly provoked and it wasn't in anger I can say that is was the only thing that got thorugh to me at that time. So in that case, that type of discipline was correct.

Valis

One can only imagine those churches with Sunday school classes don't have children being spanked for being children. That is exactly why so many of us got spankings at the hall. Bad stuff and something I would be infuriated to see happen to anyone's child. The only time I have ever spanked my kids is when they have done something to put themselves in danger against my express wishes. Like running away from me and into the street. That IMO is the only reason a spank is ever warranted. Maybe 2 times ever in my kid's lives.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

dontnowat2believe

If a husband or partner strikes his wife he is commitng an offence, the same as with a wife hitting a husband she is commiting an offence all your rights are protected.
If I was too walk out in the street and spank someone to teach them a lesson I would be arrested for assulting them, even for a minor smack. If I walked into the street with a stick and hit them with it I would be arrested for a serious offence. I would love to know that makes some parents think that they have the right to hold these acts of violence over a child and excpect any kind of good result out of it. A child that is dragged up under the constant feeling of pure terror, that a bad deed will mean violence, will do no good to that child, in fact it will likely leave that child screwed up for the rest of its life.

In my opinon any and all act of physical disapline should be outlawed there are more than enough different ways of show a child how to behave in a positive and non threating manner than assulting (spanking ) them.

Pete

Carol

Undercover, I think I have to agree with you. I had a father (non-JW) that would swing first and ask questions later and a mother (JW) that would not only take you to the Ladies room and smack the snot out of you, but would then go home and have dad do the same thing!

My son (now 30) was one of those children that all you had to do was look at him, or tell him how disappointed you were in him and he'd shape up (not at meetings didn't go after 18 months old). His manners are wonderful and he's a pretty good kid!

My daughter however, (now 17) has been impossible from day one.....no "time outs" for her, 30 seconds after she mis-behaved she didn't remember what she had done, let alone why she was being punished.....but a threat of the "wooden spoon" was usually enough to straighten her out and if not then 3 or 4 smacks on the fatty part of the fanny was enough to ensure she would never repeat the action (I'm talking about actions like..running into the street.....playing with matches.......or any other life endangering practice she enjoyed).

I personally feel for all of the young mothers at the KH when their children are just being normal kids.....the KH I used to attend had a library (used as 2nd school) with a large glass window.....this room was very popular with the mothers as they could hear the meeting.....and no one could hear their kids.........! I think every KH should have a children's room...

confused412

My son at 4 years old was very smart not with letters and numbers but with jehovah at christmas time we would drive bye houses with lights and he would look at me with his big beautiful brown eyes and say mommy we need to go and tell them the truth and we would be in stores and people would say are you ready for santa and my lil boy at the age of 4 would look at them and tell them there is no santa and they would say yes there is i still belive but my lil boy with so much pride would look at them and tell them i know there is no santa its mommy and daddys it made me so proud and him i love him so much and he would never go to bed without preying first his father was very abuseive and we divorce one night my son was flipping out so i call his father to talk to him to try to get him to lay down and he told him i did not say prayers with him thats why he would not go to bed !!!!!! my son and daughter at 4 and 2 died in a car accident 1 month later !!!!! i have the hope of being with them in a beautiful pardise earth where i wont have to worry about them having all this hurt and pain in there life they will never have to go through what i did i use to leave the kingdom hall crying because i sat in the bathroom most the time and my lil one would not sit still for a min but that was the one thing that my son could always count on and i could never be more thankfull to jehovah for giving my son and the peace to his heart !!!!!! jehovah bless us with thease childern to rasie not other people its so easy with the world today to pass your child to someone one else and say ok you watch them while i learn instead of learning together were teaching our childern that there is something besides this horrible world that has nothing good in it the end might not come for another 1000 years but my childern will not have to suffer if i could ever get my stuff together me and my childern will be together again in a much better place

this lil stuff will no longer exist before me and my babys stop celebarating holidays i explain each and everyone to them and my 4 year old understood and we would still do special things when i could afford it so i dont belive that is child abbuse i belive that this world is getting worse and rasing childern with NO rules and counsiquences FOR EVERY ACTION THERE IS A REACTION AND EVERY CHILD SHOULD LEARN THAT FROM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE OR PEPOLE WILL GO AROUND DOING WHAT EVER THEY WANT WITH NO CARE AND NO COSIDERATION TO OTHERS AND LIFE THAT IS WHY MY BABYS ARE NO LONGER HERE WITH ME I THINK IT IS CHILD ABUSE TO RASIE YOUR CHILD WITHOUT KNOWING THAT THEY WILL HAVE TO PAY WITH THERE WRONG DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

diamondblue1974

Confused you have a PM.

DB74

stillajwexelder

Looking back yes i feel guilty for spanking my children at meetings. I remember one time when they were younger the oldest said to the others and a friends children "Lets play BEATINGS" - I laughed but chocked also - the children associated going to mneetings with getting a beating. Tragic really

shera

Dimples I relate alot with your story.

I to left the JW's for that reason,(along with many more)I DA'd myself and aplogized to my daughter for all those bathroom spankings.

I had "sisters" telling me if you don't teach her to be quite now,what are you going to do when the tribluation comes,and if "they" are after us and your daughter cannot be quite,she may loose her life! Gezzzzzzzzzz.....they had me scared that my daughter was going to be ripped outta my hands and killed.I was being told to spank her harder and I had enough of that! No more!

Another lady would tell me that satan was using my daughter and making the meetings miserable for me to discourage me from being there.

I used to watch a family with their son,while he was 5,falling alseep from being in school all day,the mother would keep making him sit up and putting his head facing the stage. I was like let the child freaking sleep! Children were just fidgeting too much in a seat and mother of father reaching over and smack on the leg! Childrens faces would turn red from embaressment and at times alot of them would act up more.

I feel for these children and its a shameful thing that parents listen to a group of men to beat your children because they can't sit there and listen like adults do.

potleg

I spanked my first 2 when I was in, didn't spank the last 3 because I'm out

The WTS is an abusive org. that teaches people to be abusive too. Plain and simple.

By the way all 5 kids have turned out great BUT I do regret the physical violence.

stillajwexelder

A child that is dragged up under the constant feeling of pure terror, that a bad deed will mean violence, will do no good to that child, in fact it will likely leave that child screwed up for the rest of its life.

I was samcked/spanked/hit as a child - I think I have turned out OK - and I love my parents to bits

Discipline or Child Abuse?

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