Again, thanks to all for the warm welcome.
For Defd, by the way does that stand for what I think it does? None of my business, just curious. My concern is not wether Jehovah is a loving and real God, I know he is and I completely feel it in my heart and I love and appreciate everything he has given us. My "issues" I suppose if you want to call them that, are with the society, and the way things are handled and interpreted. You say to JUMP on to Jehovah's side. I would love nothing more, but at this point and from what I know now, which side is his? How do I get there. Is the only way to be on his side is to go to a JW KH and get 9.9 hours at the least, in a month, and try for 1.2 studies a month? This is where I am stumped and I waiver. I would love nothing more than to go back to the calm naive life I once had but time and trials has taken that away from me and now I look back and I think how could I have been so, not controlled, but just accepting of everything and even when I had internal questions or disagreements with certain things, I suppressed them. That's what we were taught, have faith in Jehovah, and I do.
I'm not meaning to come off combative at all, I'm just merely discussing and I may be a little 'overzealous' at times. I want to get past the being on the fence feeling so I can lead a truely happy life and not have any nagging doubts or feelings of dire guilt. I just want that so much.
By the way thank you for the scriptural encouragement it was appreciated.