A Terrible Accident- Report

Rod P

Here is what someone emailed to me:

AN ACCIDENT REPORT

It is terrible to find humor in someone else's misfortune, however, the
victim here seems to accept full responsibility for making the choices that
led to the incident.

POOR PLANNING

The following is an accident report that was printed in the newsletter of
the British equivalent of the Worker's Compensation Board.

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block
#3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor planning" as the cause of my
accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following
details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone
on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found
I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be
slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I
decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to
the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground
level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks
into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure
a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in block #11 of the accident report form that my weight is 135
lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost
my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of
the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an
equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor
abrasions and broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident
report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to
hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now
beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the
barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now
devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.

I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid
descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor,
I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles,
broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck
began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me
enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks, in pain,
unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of
the rope. I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down
to me. This explains the two broken legs.

This explains why I cited 'poor planning' as the cause of the accident.

Jeff Irwin
A/C&P Supervisor
St George, N.B.

Ha ha! Fooled you all, didn't I !

Rod P.

karen96

That wasn't funny. The first thing that gave it away was saying the bricks weighed 500 lbs. UK uses metric.

Why would you want to post something like that?

stillajwexelder

you are a tosser

Rod P

karen96,

I apologize if I offended you.

I posted it because I thought it was funny. I actually thought it was a made-up story by design, and not for real.

Rod P.

Rod P

Here's another one:

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"

"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

nilfun

I read on another thread that the first story you posted was actually published in the Awake! mag (!?!)

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/25/94421/1.ashx

karen96

Ok, that one was funny!

The story of the first in and of itself was funny, but you seemed to play it off as a real accident. I didn't mean to be trite.

Karen

ezekiel3

Reminds me of a classic Irish song:

The Sick Note

Dear Sir, I write this note to you to tell you of my plight

For at the time of writing, I'm not a pretty sight

Me body is all black and blue, me face a deathly gray

And I write this note to say why Murphy's not at work today

While working on the 14th floor, some bricks I had to clear

But to toss them down from such a height was not a good idea

The foreman wasn't very pleased, he is an awkward sod

He said I'd have to cart them down the ladders in me hod.

Now shifting all those bricks by hand it was so very slow

So I hoisted up a barrel and secured a rope below

But in me haste to do the job I was to blind to see

That a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me

And so when I untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead

And clinging tightly to the rope, I started up instead

I shot up like a rocket, till my dismay I found

That half-way up I met the barrel coming down

Now the barrel broke me shoulder, as to the ground it sped

And when I reached the top, I banged the pulley with me head

I clung on tightly numb with shock, from this almighty blow

And the barrel spilled out half the bricks some 14 floors below

Now! when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor

I then outweighed the barrel and so started down once more

Still clinging tightly to the rope, me body wracked with pain

And half way down I met the bloody barrel once again

Now the force of this collision half way down the office block

Caused multiple abrasions and a nasty state of shock

Still clinging tightly to the rope, I fell towards the ground

And I landed on the broken bricks scattered all around

I lay there groaning on the ground, I thought I'd past the worst

But the barrel hit the pulley wheel and then the bottom burst

A shower of bricks rained down on me, I didn't have a hope

As I lay there bleeding on the ground I let go of the bloody rope

Now, the barrel then being heavier, it started down once more

It landed right across me as.., I lay there on the floor

It broke three ribs and my left arm and I can only say

I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today

-written by Pat Cooksey

Rod P

Ezekiel3,

Wow! Methinks you found the original source.

The one I posted above appears to be made up by someone in Canada, who likely works as a civil servant, such as for the Worker's Compensation Board, where they spend all their time processing accident reports by people hurt on their jobs. They have heard every kind of story and scam in the books, and have a lot of laughs over many of them. Many find their way into newspapers as funny side notes of humour.

Karen96,

I guess the mistake I made was in the title of the thread. I agree in retrospect, it sounded quite serious, and then when you read the story, the opposite is true. I have to admit, this was in bad taste on my part, and I would do it differently next time.

Rod P.

DannyHaszard

Rod i luved it i have heard variations for over 20 years i worked heavy construction all my life.

A Terrible Accident- Report

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