Hey FMZ,
You mention in one of your comments that you’re on medication for depression. That’s okay my friend, nothing wrong with that, but I worry about you that your current situation may lead to deeper depression than your current medication may not be able to counter. If you find yourself in that situation, please seek out medical help, friends, and family that you can still talk to. "EvilForce" is a doctor, and I’m sure he would be willing to give advice if you PM him. And of course, a lot of us old timers are here for you too; we’d be willing to listen to whatever problems, sorrows, and confusion you have. You’re not alone my friend. You’ve been in a cult religion that can cause so much harm and mental-trauma, but you’re a survivor—good for you!
Peace! Hugs! Aloha and Mahalo!
Cyber