Confrontation times 2, My lovely weekend ahead. Any thoughts ....... (page 4)

troucul

keep your friends close...your enemies closer

I just want to say to everyone a big THANK YOU, I have read and listened and you are all right, it's not worth it, I told my wife tonight it's over, and time to move on, I've tried, but it just is not going to work, I will go and just see my family, I hope, (but boy the urge to sock him one is still there). But once again to all of you thanks, I will try to focus on my family during this trip now, and I will try to keep a COOL HEAD, because I know deep down it's not worth it.

I will post when I return as to how things went with my family encounters, so it should be interesting.

love you all, thanks for taking the time to listen and respond.

i'm 12 hours away from departure.

run

vitty

How did your wife take it ?

buffalosrfree

take him out and beat the stuffing out of him, if he knew she was married, if not, then tell him she is believed in your opinion, (which isn't a fact)that she was exposed to aids and hopefully he will have it too, that will give him something to think about.

avishai

(((((run don't walk))))

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it can be. Love ya man.

Scully

Listen RDW, I remember the situation from when it first happened. I'm sorry your wife cheated on you. Really, I am. But I'm having a hard time understanding why you're taking it so badly, when you were thinking about, rationalizing why you should and actively planning to cheat on your wife just prior to this.

Well, ever think about leaving your mate for someone else ??? (May 25, 2004)

How does one forgive ??? PLEASE, I really need your help, PLEASE ??? (October 16, 2004)

If your relationship with your wife can't be repaired, even with extensive counselling, then just walk away. There are no children involved, so that should make things a lot easier. Having read that first thread again, your wife probably had her suspicions about what you were doing as well, and maybe thought that what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Maybe this guy was just a "revenge romp" to your wife, and nothing more. I don't believe you are entirely faultless in the situation. Maybe when you stop and think of the behaviour on your part that made your wife feel like you weren't interested in her (flirting with other women at your place of work, etc) you can stop being angry at the both of them, and start healing yourself.

Respectfully, Scully

Billygoat

*scratching head before diving in*

RDW,

I think Scully might have a point there. I'm not saying what she did was right (there is nothing right about cheating), but there is ALWAYS a reason. From a woman's perspective, it's a lot easier to have an affair as a woman. It usually starts off as a "friendship" with a man who gives you attention. No physicality has to be involved. When the husband at home doesn't seem to care or react to the lack of time spent together, it's easier to rationalize pursuing the physical affair. (i.e. He loves me and my husband doesn't...don't I have a right to be happy?) I'm not saying it's right...but perhaps gives insight to a woman's psyche.

Not to sound insensitive, but it does take two to tango. Personally, I think your marriage is salvagable. Unfortunately, I cheated on my first husband many years ago, in almost the exact same scenario above. I left my husband for the man I was having an affair with. My husband was angry and hurt and had no idea what he did wrong, even after the divorce. He was completely clueless that I needed attention more than 10 hours a month. And I was too immature to tell him what I needed. Looking back later, we both realize why the affair started. I was lonely. When he admitted to not understanding my needs, and I admitted to not telling him (I assumed he should KNOW what my needs were - he was my husband!), then our healing took place. Is it possible a marriage could have been saved? Yes. But for us it was too late as we both moved on by the time the healing began.

Perhaps you could take a step to do that before it's too late.

Just my 2 cents...

Andi

Nathan Natas

There's a legal way to get a hit man to take care of this guy for you.

The "hit man" is a lawyer, and you hire him to sue this guy in civil court for whatever you can wring from his hide. This "hit man" will probably take 2/3 of whatever you get, but you get the satisfaction of giving the guy a legal beating that just keeps giving.

Can you afford to do this? It's your call. You will need to have all your evidentiary ducks in a row.

Confrontation times 2, My lovely weekend ahead. Any thoughts .......