peggy, i guess i mean that, at least for someone who has grow up in that religion, leaving it is not just a matter of believing in jehovah one day and then not doing so the next. suddenly everything i ever based a decision on had disappeared, and all my judgement faculties were newly biddable. it was elating, embarrasing, upsetting, confusing and a whole set of other things besides. suddenly, being gay is ok. well, what about being a liar or a thief then? sure, those things feel wrong but where do i turn for instruction or guidance? the law? universities? the media? all of these things, i was told, were evil and corrupting. now i'm told to believe they're repositories of wisdom! anyway, a mindset goes deeper than just morality, it extends as far as perception too (of course!) and finding words to correspond with those perceptions. and when something very pertinant and pungent such as this site comes into the life of joe or jill dub, and in that dub's mind slips it off the hill called "apostacy", it doesn't find anywhere to sit happily, as it challenges every assumption the dub had been coerced for twenty years into making. it's when a thing falls in between the cracks that a mindset can easily reveal itself. one gropes for the "right" description, which one would wish to be a thing agreeing with the bald truth of matters, but which causes the searcher often to fall back on the well worn, easily available tramlines of dub morality. a thing that one knows not to be mad or bad can still be thought dangerous. yes, i know, you were wearing a uniform called irony, but isn't the case with irony that when it bites, it bites because it's true; and that the strength of its bite is greatly increased the deeper it goes in order to sink its teeth in. i just thought that you had chosen that word ("dangerous") because the fresh memory of your earlier encounters with this site still conjoured up some sentiment of residual resonance of discomfort or guilt. that is the mindset i was talking about. it is the one i had, and if i "mapped" it onto your brain in error, i apologise. pepheuga |