I left in 1989. My wife decided to stay in.
I won't lie to you, it did cause tension between us. I was frustrated because (1) she wouldn't leave with me and (2) she could not refute my arguments and yet she still stayed. I remember many times I'd literally tear the magazines up into little pieces or throw one of the books against the wall. I was so angry at the organization and so frustrated with my wife for not seeing what I saw.
It took a couple of years but we finally worked out a peaceful co-existence on the subject of religion. She wouldn't pressure me to go, and I wouldn't argue with her to leave. We agreed to disagree and to respect each others' beliefs. At the time we had no children.
How many men have been able to come out and still mantain some level of spirituality in their families?
While Nina refused to leave the Witnesses, she still respected my arguments. I used to tell her I was on a journey and I didn't know where it would lead but I felt then (and told her so many times) that I was putting more faith in God by leaving as now I was trusting my eternal life to him.
We would each try to subtly make our spiritual points to the other, but gradually mine carried more and more weight. It was never argumentative. I think it was a case of each one believing strongly in their course and loving the other enough to make the effort to bring them along.
It wasn't all sweetness and light though. I felt like a failure. I truly believed God hated me and would murder me at Armageddon. I was told I was the only one who felt this way; no one else had a problem with "the Truth" and I bought into that for many years. Ah to have had the Internet back then!
Anybody else face the blood issue with their wife in regards to their children? We don't have kids yet, but I finally told her that if we did, and one of them ever needed a blood transfusion, that I would fight to the death to see them get it.
Thankfully no. We had two children and both times I went along with her blood issue stand. I never told her, (I didn't see the reason to at the time) but if the baby was in trouble I knew the hospital would want to give blood and I was ready to agree. No need to worry about the problem until it presents itself.
How about school sports with your children? Anybody allow them to participate, and how did your mate react?
Fortunately my wife was fairly open minded. We gave our oldest piano and dance lessons. But our story had a happy ending. When my daughter was 8 and my son 6, Nina finally had enough and left. It took she and I 13 years (1989-2002) to finally mend what started out as a huge spiritual split.
But here's the important point. It took both of us. If only one of you is working at it, the marriage will eventually collapse. Nina and I cared more for the other and were willing to set aside this disagreement for the sake of our marriage. It took patience, an open mind, persistence and a willingness to fight for the marriage for us to make it through. On your part, accept that she is not going to be very supportive of you, especially at first. In the beginning it takes you being aware of her limitations as well as the repurcussions from those limitations. Be patient, honest (if she spouts some harsh JW nonsense at you, call her on it), but make it clear that your problem is with the religion, not her. And you'll have to do it over and over and over.
It can be done. It's tough as hell, but it can be done.
Chris
